"cmon, lets not get yelled at..."

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What worked while coaching the boys is definitely not going to work with the girls.

I think that every person that wants to coach needs to take courses in the learning process. What works at making someone learn and what definitely doesn't work. How girls learn and how boys learn.

Just because you have played the game, or went to a coaches clinic and learned a bunch of skill drills, or know the rules does not make you a good coach. You have to know how to teach and how to motivate. You have to coach a girl to skill level, then push her onto the next level, and then push her to the next. And when you don't know what that next level is, find her someone to push her to that level.

That last part is where a lot of our travel softball coaches are failing. They don't want to give up that player.

 

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I was at a coaching clinic and the coach from Kennesaw state threw out the quote about playing good and feeling good and feeling good and playing good. I truly believe that, but I also believe that after coaching varsity boys for 19 years at the HS level, that girls are much more mentally tougher then boys. Yes girls have their meltdowns now and again and you have some drama, but its much less then boys. I have a baseball guy my whole life and have the opportunity to have played for 2 of the must successful coaches inn DI baseball. I never though I would coach softball, let alone be into as much as I have been over the past 8 years. They girls I have coached in travel ball have had much more talent then most of my guys and have had very little ego. Mom and Dad work hard with thier girls in and out of the season and demand more out of their daughters then most of the parents of my boys have. Most of them allow me to get after their daughters more then little Johnny's parents. If I give my #4 hitter the bunt sign, she does it. If I give a guy a bunt sign, he steps and and wants me to go through my signs again. I loved coaching baseball but will really miss the last 8 years I spent coaching my daughter and her talented friends.

 

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Here are a couple thoughts which I am sure will raise the ire of some folks. I think the adage that you have to coach boys and girls differently is a bunch of BS. That simply plays into the existing stereotypes of gender differences. It has been my observation that it is mostly men who say you have to coach them differently. Now, this is not to say that I think you can coach everyone the same. Different people have different backgrounds, needs, expectations, etc. I believe you coach people. You need to understand the person and then you may have to coach some people differently than others. To the topic, yes, it is ok to yell sometimes, but you have to know when and where it is appropriate and you also need to know your people and whether or not it will have the desired effect (to motivate or "fire up" your team). You can't coach everyone the same, but some peopel you can, even if one is a boy and one is a girl.

 

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Doesn't go against my ire but it does against science. Like it or not there are differences between the sexes. You treat the sexes equally, not the same.

 

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Any time we try to stereotype groups and conclude that everyone in a group is the same, we are going to be wrong. Male vs. female, black vs. white, Democrat vs. Republican ... it doesn't matter. I agree with Musty's point that it's important to treat people "equally", but not necessarily the same, and I also agree with Firefly that you coach "people" ... i.e., individuals ... and I bet Musty and Firefly actually agree on that point.

I have been coaching youth sports for almost 30 years, with about an equal # of years between boys and girls, and I do think there are some generalizations that can be made about coaching one vs. the other, but it would be a big mistake to assume that all girls need to be coached one way, and all boys another way. My experience has been that there are many girls who can and will actually respond well to "being coached like boys".

What's more different is what works today vs. what worked (and what a coach could actually get away with) 20-25 years ago. What makes it more difficult is that while it works best to understand and teach/coach to the individual, there is a real challenge for coaches to do this at times, because some parents will scream bloody murder if they think their child is being treated differently.

 

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Actually science is very supportive of my position. Yes, there are gender differences that are recognized by science, however response to coaching styles is not one of them. In addition, most psychological studies demonstrate that many of the gender differences seen in "acceptable gender roles" such as being competitive are due to the parents and society "socializing" them to that gender role. In other words, they act how they are taught to act, not inherently because of their gender. So, does this mean that we might find fewer girls who respond to a certain coaching style while while many boys might? Yes it does, but that is due to how they were raised. Because American society places certain expectations on each gender, one can often get away with making generalities, but it is not always the case. Therefore, you coach the person, not the gender.

 

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Candrea, and most all High level coaches will tell you the same thing. Coaching the female is a different game then coaching the male emotionally and physically and metally. I think I'll take Candrea's word for it. ;&

 

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I agree with Musty. I've played on high level teams and have had both kinds of coaches. The screamers who yelled just to hear themselves yell often got the same effect from all the girls, we ended up ignoring him regardless of what he was teaching us and basically wrote him off as a know-nothing a$$hole. The ones who treat you with respect received respect in return, we'd work our butts off for them and do anything asked or kill ourselves trying. Most people who say there is no difference in the way you coach girls and boys are either new to coaching girls and haven't learned this lesson yet or are constantly losing their players every year becasue they aren't very successful coaches when it comes to girls.

 

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There is a lot of data to support there is a difference, everything from their web based social structure to their need to have confidence in their coach, to some of the not so obvious physical differences ( Howard or any of his lemmings can take that part further).... Even if you dismiss all of that, girls don't watch or follow sports as closely as boys. They might be watching sports but not like boys. In general lol.

Just my 2 cents, I could be wrong I'm a journeyman in the plumbers/pipefitters union, I'm not a shrink lol.

 

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Psychology has determine that males and females communicate differently, this is widely accepted by science but not socially acceptable. This will come at no surprise to those of us married or to us coaches that have been paying attention. This has nothing to do with societal stereotypes but occurs at almost a DNA level communications.

Regardless, you will need to be sure that what you say and how you say it is what they are actually hearing to be an effective coach. This has nothing to do with mental toughness; or that one way is better than the other. The ways that males and females communicate is different; deal with it.

 

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Actually science is very supportive of my position. Yes, there are gender differences that are recognized by science, however response to coaching styles is not one of them. In addition, most psychological studies demonstrate that many of the gender differences seen in "acceptable gender roles" such as being competitive are due to the parents and society "socializing" them to that gender role. In other words, they act how they are taught to act, not inherently because of their gender. So, does this mean that we might find fewer girls who respond to a certain coaching style while while many boys might? Yes it does, but that is due to how they were raised. Because American society places certain expectations on each gender, one can often get away with making generalities, but it is not always the case. Therefore, you coach the person, not the gender.

Having grown up with two older brothers and playing sports all my life I didn't think there was much of a difference between coaching boys and girls. I now have 3 daughters and have learned that there is a big difference. This might change as my daughters get older but as of right now the two that play travel ball are 12 and 7 and through coaching for the past 7 years I've learned a lot about how to coach young women. I firmly believe in the theory that girls must feel good in order to play good versus boys must play good to feel good. I do agree with you that regardless of gender it is all in how you raise your child. I have raised my daughters differently than most parents, they are still young ladies and enjoy getting their nails done, wearing pink and getting highlights in their hair etc but when they step on the field it's a different game. Win or lose they don't cry on the field, they don't show emotion unless it's positive emotion, I've seen my daughter get hit square on the elbow with a 50 mph pitch with seam marks on her arm and she tells me after the game see dad I didn't cry. We talk about mental toughness and letting the other team "chatter" while she is pitching because the only thing that matters is the next pitch. I've seen her play through sprains and bruises and bloody noses which a lot of boys her age would have cried and would have been asked to be taken out of the game. I've taught them how to be team players, why when you are down by 1 run with a runner on 3rd and less than 2 outs you have to get the bunt down and sacrifice your out for the good of the team, etc.

In my years of experience if a coach yells at a young lady most, not all of them but most will stop listening and start to feel bad about themselves which makes them play even worse or not want to play for you at all. There is a difference in hormones and aggressiveness, most girls are not naturally aggressive and it's out of their nature so you have to coach them to be that way. So part of it is how they are raised but there are natural differences that you must account for when coaching young women.

 

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Candrea, and most all High level coaches will tell you the same thing. Coaching the female is a different game then coaching the male emotionally and physically and mentally. I think I'll take Candrea's word for it. ;&

I agree. Science isn't exact. Eggs are good one day then bad the next. I'm going with the likes of Candrea. The ones out there doing it with success and not sitting in a lab or office studying it. ha

 

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I really, really think it depends on the relationship the coach builds. Some coaches can "yell" with very little negative affect on the players because their players KNOW without a doubt that their coach has THEIR best interests in mind, is coming from the right place, and is probably just getting "loud" because they care so much.

Other coaches yell because their angry or frustrated and haven't laid that solid foundation with their players. If players think their coach is more concerned with themselves and how they look, yelling will not go over well and likely will have a negative impact.

The relationship you build and where your heart is as a coach (and how well you communicate that) is so important in coaching!