Coach Approaching

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Re: Coach Approching

Sounds like another classic example of poor / improper communication from both parties.

H&G has a great post on this and to answer his question "why do parents do this"? Most of the time a parent/player is so happy they have made a strong team playing a tough schedule they do not realize that they are number 10,11,12 on the team and will see little if not any playing time in most tournaments unless their skills improve. Then the disappointment sets in as the season drags on. Also, there are the problems with some coach?s that have bad communication/teaching skills when it comes to the weaker players.

This year I have witnessed four such scenarios at tournaments on 10,12,14 year old teams (big and small organizations) and the result was the parent packing up the child and their equipment and leaving the park with the child in tears. When this happens it is upsetting to the people and players around these situations and the coach is generally as much to blame as the parents.

It is the coaches job to put the best possible team on the field and instruct all the players during games / practice and communicate to all what they need to do to improve. If a coach does this it should never come as a "surprise" to a player or parent if their DD is not in the starting line-up especially consistently.

Why do coaches fail to communicate?
My guess is the coach knows they are doing something wrong or the coach is afraid that a parent/player may leave the tournament/team over playing time and the coach is afraid to give the player/parent reasons for the lack of playing time especially if they are not good teachers.
In some cases the coach has put a player on the team that does not have the skill to compete at the level he is wanting to play no matter how much they practice and they do not want to tell the parents they may have wasted their money so, they let the player warm the bench the whole season wondering.
There is also the most common wrong reason to have a weaker player on a team $$.
All these scenarios usually ends up in a blow up at the worst possible time.
This is the time of year parents need to make sure they are putting their DD on a team that is a good fit for them with instruction and schedule compared to their DD skills.
If the player /parent dedicates to work at home/practice the player will then get the skill to crack the line-up if they are on the right team.

 

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Re: Coach Approching

The 24 hour rule is a must and so is a 'no email' rule. Email is terrible when it comes to interpretation. Hiding behind email is too easy, call or discuss face to face. But, the coach always has to maintain his/her composure - also a must.

The only other thing I try and do from a coaching perspective is start over fresh every weekend. I have 11 pretty much equal pieces to the puzzle - on any given weekend someone is on and someone is off. Its my job to figure out how to put the puzzle together for that given weekend. For us, it has worked - it probably doesn't work if you have 8 pretty much equal pieces and 3 pieces that don't belong to the puzzle at all - I guess that means we all need to choose wisely.

 

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Re: Coach Approching

Coach Dennis:

I would much rather have a weaker player on the team for the money's sake, than because she's the coach's daughter. At least the weak player on the team for the money usually gets hidden in right field and bats at the bottom of the order. The coach's daughter who is a weak player generally bats near the top of the order (to get more at bats) and plays shortstop or 3rd base. When it's obvious to everyone involved with the team that this is nonsensical and an extreme detriment, how could any parent even think about approaching that coach about ANYTHING?

 

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"A coach's job...is to put his best team on the field...and that's it."

I'll add something to that. A good coach will be a good teacher, too. It's really not enough to just put together a lineup. One of the biggest problems in kids' softball and baseball is a lack of teaching. There are simply too many players getting to the age of 16 and higher without learning the fundamentals. For a coach to say something like "You haven't done anything to help her get better," to a parent is a pretty good indicator that the coach isn't very good at what he's doing. Why isn't HE doing something to help her get better? Answer: He's probably not capable. I've been around a lot of "coaches" like that in my day. If that kid was good enough to make the team, then she's capable of getting better through proper instruction. That coach should be giving her some.

A good coach coaches at the pace of the team not at the pace of the best player nor the worst player. Every coach wants to coach his top 2 or 3 players, and some coach to the worst 2 or 3 players, and in both situations they are wrong. The best coachs I have been around work with the core of the group attempting to get the the 6 girls in the middle up to the level of the top 3 players, and hope that the lower 3 will keep up, and in the worst case situation they can't and are replaced. If you spend all your time on the lowest girl on the bench your others will erode to average or less than average players (seen this many times and then the better players walk). There are assistant coachs who will work with these lower girls seperately, and will teach the parents how to work with them on their free time. Have seen all our girls this year move up the ladder, and we retained all but one.

Ultimately in select ball we know that when we put our money on the table it is to be a member of the team and not a contract to get equal play time with all the other girls, and it is the experiened parents who spend their time working with their daughters and finding ways for their daughters to improve. I find that it is either 1st year parents, or pony pitchers parents who create the most problems.

Not saying that there isn't bad coaches out there because there are. The screamers, cussers, and those that play on the emotions and mental weakness of the girls don't seem to be stronger ones. The girls don't need to be screamed at and reminded that they just dropped the game winning pop up they know it.

We win together and lose together and learn from every game and every play and get stronger everyday.

And if parents have issues they should swallow their pride for a few hours and talk to the coach later. They will be more receptive to your complaints, issues, or ideas once they calm down also. Immediately after a game (win or lose) the addrenaline is pumping and tempers are hot so just wait. If you think that other parents will jump in on your side your wrong unless the coach is a complete moron and is jeapordizing the entire program, they will not subject his fury on their DD to defend you.

 

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Re: Coach Approching

I am really bothered by some statements in this thread. Not all coaches out there are bad coaches only to make their daughter better. Not all coaches out there are there to only coach chosen girls on the team. We have played with 2 organizations and did not see that with either. The first one I wasn't impressed with the style of the managers coaching and some other things played factor. So we looked elsewhere. We found an organization (Silver Creek Starz) who cares about each and every girl in the org. Last year my daughter was on the 12U team and had some confidence issues and she struggled. Coaches from both her team and the older team were always in that building working with these girls. The older teams coaches didn't have to do that but they did. If I went to them with a question they were there. They take the time to help out all the girls. I remember several times when the 14U coach would take time during batting to work with Moe (and others) on her mechanics. Then would watch at a game and try to help her (and others....) out. The same thing this year. I see them helping girls from all 4 teams-a lot of times without even being asked. They want to see all these girls succeed to the best of their ability. But as mentioned it is a two way street the girls and their family need to be doing work on their own time to be getting better also. Another outlook on this is sometimes no matter how much a coach tries it just doesn't change things. Sometimes they just don't get it or just won't listen. I as a parent try to stay level headed about things. I have gotten lost in my emotions a couple of times but never blamed any coaches for anything. If my kid wants that spot again every year then she better be busting her butt all year long to keep it. If not then...see ya. A coach can only do so much the rest is up to the girl and her family. So I don't think all coaches should get a bad name because some out there don't handle things the best way.....

 

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Re: Coach Approching

A couple of things.

One, I very much disagree that email is not a proper way of communicating on such issues. With an email exchange, words are measured and not uttered in the heat of emotion. Questions can be asked and the time can be taken to answer them with facts and suggestions, rather than immediately in a phone call that might have come out of the blue. Sure, emails can be misinterpreted, but if the language is first chosen carefully and then reviewed to see if there are ambiguities that need to be revised, I believe the written exchange of emails runs less risk of miscommunication and hot emotions than the phone conversations. JMHO.

Two, while I whole-heartedly agree that coaches have an obligation to work with players who aren't getting as much PT as their teammates, there are limits on most volunteer coaches' abilities to attain success with each and every player on the team. First, it may seem that after offering technique instructions several times, the player either doesn't understand or lacks the physical skills to make the suggested changes. At that point, I confess, I get frustrated and don't have as much patience to go over things for the umpteenth time. I'm not mad at the player, I'm just defeated in that I apparently lack the ability to communicate to that particular player how important the change is and how to make the change. Second, the player may not be practicing the suggested changes outside of practice and I think most of us would agree that changes in fundamentals have to become a part of your muscle memory before they can be executed in actual games.

If I had the talent to communicate the proper mechanics in a way that 99.9% of our players could understand those mechanics AND execute them, I sure wouldn't be practicing law, I'd be applying for coaching positions that paid money.

 

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A couple of things.

First, it may seem that after offering technique instructions several times, the player either doesn't understand or lacks the physical skills to make the suggested changes. At that point, I confess, I get frustrated and don't have as much patience to go over things for the umpteenth time. I'm not mad at the player, I'm just defeated in that I apparently lack the ability to communicate to that particular player how important the change is and how to make the change.

I'm with you CGS
Thats where it comes in handy to have an assistant coach that is female on the staff whether they played in college or a older sibling that knows the game. They can speak GIRL (a foreign language that a man or father is normally incapable to speaking), which is where I struggle a female coach can tell my daughter the same exact thing with the same words and she will understand them but not me.

 

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Re: Coach Approching

Coach Dennis:

I would much rather have a weaker player on the team for the money's sake, than because she's the coach's daughter. At least the weak player on the team for the money usually gets hidden in right field and bats at the bottom of the order. The coach's daughter who is a weak player generally bats near the top of the order (to get more at bats) and plays shortstop or 3rd base. When it's obvious to everyone involved with the team that this is nonsensical and an extreme detriment, how could any parent even think about approaching that coach about ANYTHING?

Wow, that team/coach has issues. Sounds like you have had a rough road but; at least it is coming to an end.

It amazes me how bad some coaches seem to be a judging talent that leads them into these situations with parent conflicts.

My thought is if you coach an A team get A players and do not give players of lesser talent the impression they will part of something when in reality they are part time players. If you bring on a weaker player in hopes the player matures into a position the coach must make sure the player/parents know your intent on the front end to avoid an unhappy ending.

 

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I really like the 24 hour rule I'll spring that on the parents next year

 

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4thegame:

Fact is, I AM female, so that's not going to solve my problem. I must say, however, that being 55, married for 33 years, and female, I get a little more leeway that our other coaches in taking a "hands on" approach, which makes my job easier when my words alone aren't communicating the proper technique.

 

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THE TRUTH........................... is that a few parents - ones who are not coaches also - are not objective about the overall talent of players - not only coaches kids but their own.

 

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A couple of things.

One, I very much disagree that email is not a proper way of communicating on such issues. With an email exchange, words are measured and not uttered in the heat of emotion. Questions can be asked and the time can be taken to answer them with facts and suggestions, rather than immediately in a phone call that might have come out of the blue. Sure, emails can be misinterpreted, but if the language is first chosen carefully and then reviewed to see if there are ambiguities that need to be revised, I believe the written exchange of emails runs less risk of miscommunication and hot emotions than the phone conversations. JMHO.

CGS, you practice law and are experienced at evaluating the intent of the written word. I, on the other hand, am 6'5 270lbs - face to face tends to play to my strengths - intimidation. :lmao: Totally kidding...

My only point on email is sometimes its easier to be nasty when you aren't talking to someone. And most people aren't as calculated in the written word as you are - say everything that comes to mind and hit send.

Your point is taken however.

Mike

 

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Heat - quote
Second, the player may not be practicing the suggested changes outside of practice and I think most of us would agree that changes in fundamentals have to become a part of your muscle memory before they can be executed in actual games.


Heat
I think some times they practice, but not enough to change from old habits. It just does not come second nature. Did not practice enough to have the muscle memory.




Starting the best 9

Say you have a girl that miss's practice and is twice as good as a couple that come all the time.
Do you still start your best 9?



Straightleg

 

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If I had the talent to communicate the proper mechanics in a way that 99.9% of our players could understand those mechanics AND execute them, I sure wouldn't be practicing law, I'd be applying for coaching positions that paid money.
__________________

Wait a minute! Practicing law pays less than coaching softball? Say it isn't so!!!!!

 

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Coach Dennis:

I would much rather have a weaker player on the team for the money's sake, than because she's the coach's daughter. At least the weak player on the team for the money usually gets hidden in right field and bats at the bottom of the order. The coach's daughter who is a weak player generally bats near the top of the order (to get more at bats) and plays shortstop or 3rd base. When it's obvious to everyone involved with the team that this is nonsensical and an extreme detriment, how could any parent even think about approaching that coach about ANYTHING?

Again, another coach that thinks right field is a weak position and you can hide someone there. Have you watched the World Cup of Softball this week? Right field is certainly not a weak position.

And, did you just admit that you will take a weak player just for the money? In how many organizations is this really the truth? It's just that not many will admit it like you just did. In alot of cases, the coach's daughter does get the prime position in both the defensive game as well as the batting order. Some are deserved and some are not.

 

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Tangy Mike: your point that the best form for communications with parents is determined by what the coach feels is the best method for him or her is well taken.

truth: even if I would make more practicing law, to make a living as a coach would clearly be my preference. After 30 years of being a lawyer, I've lost a good bit of my passion for that endeavor but my passion for softball is still growing. There's a lot to be said for taking a pay cut in exchange for reduced stress and greater job enjoyment.

BTW, Division I coaches at even mediocre schools make more than I currently do.

 

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KNSMom:

Right field is definitely where we put our best outfielder arms.

 

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KNS Mom:

You've got nine players.
None is a natural outfielder.
Which ones play the outfield?

Answer: The ones not playing pitcher, catcher, 1b, 2b, ss or 3b.

Which one plays right field?

Answer: The one not playing left or center.

Sure, outfield play is very important, but it's a rare coach who would play the best infielder in the outfield-- though they most certainly do exist.

Weak position? What's that mean? Is RF weaker than pitcher? Weaker than catcher? Weaker than 3b? Weaker than shortstop? Weaker than 2b? Weaker than 1b? Weaker than CF? Weaker than LF? If you're trying to hide a weak fielder, where do you put that weak fielder? Pitcher? Catcher? 3b? ss? 2b? 1B? CF? Lf? or RF?

 

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Maybe I'm in the minority here, but why do parents do these sorts of things? If my daughter spent an entire year on the bench, I have to assume she's not getting it done and she and I need to work harder to get her on the field...

I've heard that there are a lot of politics and stuff of that nature that goes into travel ball...I won't actually know until I've witnessed it for myself...All I can tell you is that I won't be 'THAT' parent. My daughter and I will work our tails off to get her on the field...and if it doesn't happen, it won't be from a lack of effort on our part and we'll re-evaulate the situation the following year...

I've never understood it...yet I see it all the time. Had to deal with it in high school, too, with parents of players not getting the ball or playing time...it just disgusts me to no end. A coach's job is to put his best team on the field that give the team the best chance to win....that's it.

With all due respect, if your daughter works hard and is NOT the worst player on the team, but still sits on the bench and bats last or not at all, you will keep your mouth shut? How is that helping your daughter become a better player? It seems to me that if those things are happening to you (hypothetically), your daughter is being robbed of experience. You are your daughter's life coach, and you have the right to ask a question and in doing so you are not one of "those" parents. Believe me coaches don't always play their best team on the field. I thought this was true too, but it's not always true.

 

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KNS Mom:

You've got nine players.
None is a natural outfielder.
Which ones play the outfield?

Answer: The ones not playing pitcher, catcher, 1b, 2b, ss or 3b.

Which one plays right field?

Answer: The one not playing left or center.

Sure, outfield play is very important, but it's a rare coach who would play the best infielder in the outfield-- though they most certainly do exist.

Weak position? What's that mean? Is RF weaker than pitcher? Weaker than catcher? Weaker than 3b? Weaker than shortstop? Weaker than 2b? Weaker than 1b? Weaker than CF? Weaker than LF? If you're trying to hide a weak fielder, where do you put that weak fielder? Pitcher? Catcher? 3b? ss? 2b? 1B? CF? Lf? or RF?

I guess if you have no natural outfielders out of nine it is time to re-evaluate during tryouts. You should out of those nine have girls for each position, not just nine very good players but none who can play outfield or none that can play middle infield. That is as dumb as not having any pitchers....you need a girl for every position to be successful.