How much should a parent push?

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Haven't been on here in awhile! This pertains to all sports...so here goes. How much should a parent push a student/athlete to practice his/her sport? Our daughter always told us she wanted to be the best, but then when we would get on her to practice she'd give us a hard time and usually didn't practice. Always thought it was all going to fall in her lap. She did well...when not injured...but surely didn't live up to the potential that we know she has. I can also tell how she reacts, when she sees or hears of girls playing in college, that she may be regretting her actions. Now, our 15 year old son tells us he wants to be good at golf. He has modest goals right now, make JV and play in a couple of matches. Everyone makes the team, but you don't always get to play. He didn't play at all last year. I want him to meet these goals, and with try-outs this week, think he should go to the range today. DH gave him the option...HOPING he would choose to go...that didn't happen. So, how do you know? We feel we didn't push enough with our daughter...making her practice instead of standing back and letting her decide. Should we push? Play the money card...we paid this much for you to join here. Play the guilt card...you said you wanted this, how are you going to meet your goals if you don't practice?

As always, I appreciate the help and I'll accept any criticism as it comes;&

 

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Parenting, like coaching, requires a person to be able to gauge what method works best for getting the desired results from another person. What works for me may not work for you or the next person. 'Sorry for the psycho-babble...

 

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When the subject comes up, like when your son said - "I want to get better at golf", that is your cue to start a conversation; ask him what his ideas are. WHY does he want to get better? Is it just so he can have a fun hobby? Play more for the HS team? Play in college? First, find out what he wants out of it.

Then, explain that anything worth while that takes a lot of practice (work!) and requires goal setting. AND - it MUST be HIS GOALS, not mom & dad's idea of what they want him to do. You are there as his dad to help him research HOW to "get better", but HE is the one that must execute the "plan", and do the work.

Explain to him that getting better at something that requires a lot of specialized skill is not like a sleepover; it's more like a several year journey. You develop a workable plan that he can agree to. Things will fall apart if you start "playing the guilt card" etc. I would take the path of treating him like an adult, and being more like a coach. Give him encouragement when he's struggling to find the mindset to practice. Know when he needs a break, and tell him that it's OK to take a few days off now and then. But make HIM responsible for executing HIS plan. It takes a LOT of "reminding", but just be careful not to turn it into "riding" him about his plan. If somewhere along the way he loses interest, so be it. At the very least you have educated him about HOW to make and execute a plan for setting goals for self improvement.

Remember... "One pitch at a time..."

 

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Just take him and then hit a few too. Maybe he will maybe he won't but how often do you get a chance to play with him!
This is a no brainer... set up a couple days after work to hit and do it together.
If you are no good have him teach you.....
Do force him to go, in fact take him as an outing and then another until it becomes a habit.
Invite a friend or two and go as group.
What an opportunity. Don't blow it.

 

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I have always thought that certain things kids are not capable of making the right decision. One of them being this. It takes an incredible kid to want to practice all the time. Most kids don't want to, because lets face it practice is WORK. I always give this example, if you let a kid choose between candy and vegetables a great majority of them are going to pick the candy. Is that the best thing for them....no, they just do not have the skills necessary to make the right decision. When they do have the right skills usually it is to late.

I agree with Louuu in a way that every kid is different, but I say do not give them a choice. It's hey buddy get in the car we're going to hit some balls. you don't have to be mean about it, just make sure there is no other option.

If they want to be better that's what it takes. I would rather my kids gripe about practice when they are young then wonder and regret about what they could have been when they are old.

 

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So much great advice already! Louuuu...I never think of you using psychobabble!!! I agree with all of you (so far) especially laserdog. It is work and I don't think they can make this decision all of the time. I have done what you've suggested and I've never really gotten any complaint from my son...except for today I just don't want to make the same parenting mistakes with sports as I did with my daughter. I wish we would've pushed her more to see what her full potential would've been.

 

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I have always thought that certain things kids are not capable of making the right decision. One of them being this. It takes an incredible kid to want to practice all the time. Most kids don't want to, because lets face it practice is WORK. I always give this example, if you let a kid choose between candy and vegetables a great majority of them are going to pick the candy. Is that the best thing for them....no, they just do not have the skills necessary to make the right decision. When they do have the right skills usually it is to late.

I agree with Louuu in a way that every kid is different, but I say do not give them a choice. It's hey buddy get in the car we're going to hit some balls. you don't have to be mean about it, just make sure there is no other option.

If they want to be better that's what it takes. I would rather my kids gripe about practice when they are young then wonder and regret about what they could have been when they are old.

I totally agree. I have 2 and each one is different. 1 is already gone and working out before I know it and the other needs to be "encouraged". Once she starts though she will work until you stop her. Just need to get her going!

 

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The answer to your question depends on what level your son or daughter wants to achieve. If all he wants is to golf in a few matches, then maybe hitting the driving range and putting green a couple days a week are all he needs to do, if he tells you he wants to get a college scholorship in golf then he has to show you that he is committed to work hard enough to achieve that. This probably includes playing/training nearly every day, private lessons, specific excercises ect. His or her committment level must be on par with your committment level. You wouldn't shell out thousands of dollars for private lessons if your son refuses to practice because you would be wasting your money. They have to understand that if they want to play on team A, which is very demanding and expensive, fees, travel ect, then you expect and demand they hold up their end of the deal and train accordingly. If they just want to have fun and play with their friends the committment level is much less for both parent and child.

Believe me, there are very few if any high level athletes that have not had someone to push them to achieve their goal.

 

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Depends on the kid. My oldest dd, can't be pushed. Even though she sees the results after a hard days work, still doesn't want to do the work. Doesn't have the mentality. We've tried it all from catching to violinist. HOWEVER, when it comes to watching children, completely different ballgame. She loves kids. Youngest dd, I rode her hard because she could be. However, now that she is older, I'm letting her learn the consequences of getting complacent. I still push her, but more by setting goals.

 

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When you figure out what works, let me know...lol. Seriously, as browns fan said, know your kid. Maybe one likes to practice one on one while another kid might rather practice with her teammates. Maybe varying the length of practice or setting personal goals.

 

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Fine line you have here. You never want to push a kid and then have them hate the sport, but you know what the next level needs. The best advice is, sadly, no advice. Every kid is different and you have to know their personality and temperment at this very second dictate how you will start the conversation.
I did some reverse on my DD. Kids in the neighborhood wanted learn how to pitch, play defensive, and hit. I asked her to come along to help because she is "A lot better at teaching the sport than her mom". She got her practice in a didn't even realize. She enjoys teaching it so much that she gives lessons all the time now.
She breaks down the batting for the kids which, in turn, makes her break it down for herself. Same thing for throwing and playing defense.
Can't say it will work for you, but it definitely has for us. Took me 5 years to figure it out and it has been going strong for two years now. Really has improved her game. Teaching is the best way to study.

 

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My dd and I have had many many long talks about where she wants her softball career to go so I know exactly how hard to push her. There would probably be a few people out there who think I push her to hard at times but they don't know the whole story so I just ignore them. There are days when she just gives me the "look" and I know not to push her that day. It's all about knowing your child.

 

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My dd and I have had many many long talks about where she wants her softball career to go so I know exactly how hard to push her. There would probably be a few people out there who think I push her to hard at times but they don't know the whole story so I just ignore them. There are days when she just gives me the "look" and I know not to push her that day. It's all about knowing your child.

Agree. Communication is the key. Make sure both are on the same page with their goals.

 

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You can't push them for sports. If they love it, they will do it. Grades and academics,setting expectations is ok. Sports needs to come from within themselves and no one else. If they want to they will. Read your last sentence again....also averages are 1 in 100k play college athletics for money....... Reaching for the brass ring tarnishes the journey.....

 

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Great thread ,if you push to much they go they other way if you dont push enough they end up saying i should have tried harder , I think its already inside the athlete to want to take the next step .My dd tells me she wants to take the next step after high school but she doesn't want to put the extra work in to get to that level and time is running out ,I have given her every opportunity to get better starting with this years good travel coach but i can no longer push her to make decisions as SHE has to want to do the extra PRACTICES if she wants to play after high school.Make no mistake softball will help you get a education it is not going to give her ,her job for life ,.