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Ok fellow OFCers, any words of wisdom for me as my oldest turns 13 and becomes a teenager tomorrow? (other than run for the hills-LOL)
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All of a sudden your 13yo will become smarter than you, you should probably be asking her for advise.
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I'll weigh in on this and tell you what has worked (so far) for my daughter and me. My daughter is 14, so we are a year into the process. I have found that when we are proactive rather than reactive, things are less likely to blow in the tense moment. I wait for the parentable moment (like coachable moment) and I listen to how she is feeling. We talk about when "this situation happens or that situation happens" she is feeling out of control and wants to rage at the world. I don't tell her how she is going to feel or what to feel, I just relate how I felt and give her examples of how I did not handle things well at her age. (Not too many example because you can't possibly understand "what she is feeling"). It has not been easy. We had a blow up last year because I was not watching the signs. That is another piece of advice I can give. Listen to what they ARE NOT saying and it will give you a heads up to the problem area. Talking with parents becomes taboo at this age. Good luck.
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It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, mine being 13 in sept.
however, I have found that "I know" and I tell her if "she knows so much then why do I have to ask or say something"
she has found that "I know" the cell phone and Instant Messaging are my leverage to having a tolerable teenager cuz if she isn't I take them
.
I have also learned the busier she is the better she is grades and attitude.......no time to get in trouble:lmao:
however, I have found that "I know" and I tell her if "she knows so much then why do I have to ask or say something"
she has found that "I know" the cell phone and Instant Messaging are my leverage to having a tolerable teenager cuz if she isn't I take them
.I have also learned the busier she is the better she is grades and attitude.......no time to get in trouble:lmao:
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I've found that when I'm talking to my 14 yr old, it's important to ask her often if she understands why we're doing something. Maybe I've been lucky, but we've only had one major episode and it lasted a weekend. We have dodged many bullets because I only crack down on the important things. I let her know when she screws up, but only really get hard on her for things that are really important. (Like grades) We try to discuss things, so that she understands the reasons behind the decisions. Most kids rage because they feel like they have no control over their lives, or don't understand why they're supposed to do this or that. Hope it helps.
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Just remember that problems in their lives that seem so "simple" or "trivial" to you are HUGE to them. Don't diminish what is big drama by saying things like "is that all" and "why are you so upset about that". Because to them it is the end of life as they know it.
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Mine will turn 14 next month. I ask her to sit down and she says "I'd rather stand". Good Luck!! Thank God for Coaches!!!
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I also have a 14 year old and I'll tell you a few things that have helped us be successful
1. Trust - yes it has to be earned but giving your teenager a little more rope will go a long way in keeping her happy.
2. Space - you will start seeing her move more towards friends rather than family and don't even get me started on the phone thing. It can be a difficult transition for us (parents) but kids do need their own space and freedom. Keep it within reason and don't be afraid to modify it if they get too big for their britches.
3. Boys - UGH! nevermind.
4. Discipline - You'll start to see (hopefully) that your child will become more independent and responsible. For some reason maturity for girls seems to start in the early teens as where boys are much later. Don't be afraid to still show her who's boss but you'll find that taking away her prized possession can do wonders for getting what you want.
5. Quality Time - We all better hurry up and get as much time in as we can. Just think how fast it went to get to 13 - and what lies ahead in just 5-6 years. I don't care if it's a Tuesday night, make sure you spend some one on one time with your daughter.
1. Trust - yes it has to be earned but giving your teenager a little more rope will go a long way in keeping her happy.
2. Space - you will start seeing her move more towards friends rather than family and don't even get me started on the phone thing. It can be a difficult transition for us (parents) but kids do need their own space and freedom. Keep it within reason and don't be afraid to modify it if they get too big for their britches.
3. Boys - UGH! nevermind.
4. Discipline - You'll start to see (hopefully) that your child will become more independent and responsible. For some reason maturity for girls seems to start in the early teens as where boys are much later. Don't be afraid to still show her who's boss but you'll find that taking away her prized possession can do wonders for getting what you want.
5. Quality Time - We all better hurry up and get as much time in as we can. Just think how fast it went to get to 13 - and what lies ahead in just 5-6 years. I don't care if it's a Tuesday night, make sure you spend some one on one time with your daughter.
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Punishment = Cell Phone
They will push your buttons. I dropped my first "F - Bomb" on her a couple weeks ago. I'm 38 and turning gray!
My little princess......
They will push your buttons. I dropped my first "F - Bomb" on her a couple weeks ago. I'm 38 and turning gray!
My little princess......
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LOL i remember the first time I swore at my dd this was her face
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I have 16 and 14 year old girls.......
Cell phone = life. The prospect of losing said cell phone (and texting) = the ultimate form of punishment at this age. DD #1 gets her license in 2 weeks so driving my car will become my NEW form of incentive/punishment!!
Don't be surprised if the circle of friends starts to change a little/a lot. Girls tend to gravitate towards other peer groups in the 8th - 10th grades and generally happens slowly as they are around new people and get to know new people. Be cautious of a sudden shift in peer groups. Also be cautious of a sudden urgency on their part to get permission to do something or go somewhere with a new friend that's out of her "normal" pattern. Trust your gut and that nagging voice that something's up.
Don't be afraid to call other parents and make a point of letting your child see you talking to/meeting their new friends parents!!! I'm the parent who embarrasses my girls because I call to make sure that there will be a parent home, not an older sibling left behind to babysit! Don't get me started on a few hard lessons I've learned there.......
You'll notice a desire for more independence and withdrawl from you. It's normal and it's OK. I told my girls that with independence comes responsibility on their part (calling & checking in when I ask, keeping me updated on moving from point A to point B, calling from a HOUSE PHONE [not a cell phone - - very important in order to get a land line #] from where they say they are going. No follow through on their part = increased restriction & monitoring on my part.
As you start increasing your DD's freedoms and she says she's going somewhere with friends for a little while (a public place such as a restaurant, Starbucks, etc.), "accidentally" show up at said place, say hi to her and her friends, do your business and leave. Sneaky I know...but my girls got the message fast that I was checking to see if they were where they said they'd be and were with who they said they would be with. Trust needs to be earned and if I need to know I can BELIEVE what they are telling me. I've only had to do this a few times.
Don't ever minimize their problems....everything is black/white, right/wrong, yes/no......it's hard to find middle ground sometimes so take a deep breath and give it your best shot. We're dumb as dirt in their minds and they think they're the ONLY ones going through this and we're unreasonable, mean, and don't understand. Girls are very adept at using their words and tone to get in sharp jabs.
Be supportive and keep her so busy doing constructive things she wants to do that she doesn't have time to get into trouble or be tempted.
Above all else....make sure she knows you love her and will always be there to support her no matter what.
Cell phone = life. The prospect of losing said cell phone (and texting) = the ultimate form of punishment at this age. DD #1 gets her license in 2 weeks so driving my car will become my NEW form of incentive/punishment!!
Don't be surprised if the circle of friends starts to change a little/a lot. Girls tend to gravitate towards other peer groups in the 8th - 10th grades and generally happens slowly as they are around new people and get to know new people. Be cautious of a sudden shift in peer groups. Also be cautious of a sudden urgency on their part to get permission to do something or go somewhere with a new friend that's out of her "normal" pattern. Trust your gut and that nagging voice that something's up.
Don't be afraid to call other parents and make a point of letting your child see you talking to/meeting their new friends parents!!! I'm the parent who embarrasses my girls because I call to make sure that there will be a parent home, not an older sibling left behind to babysit! Don't get me started on a few hard lessons I've learned there.......
You'll notice a desire for more independence and withdrawl from you. It's normal and it's OK. I told my girls that with independence comes responsibility on their part (calling & checking in when I ask, keeping me updated on moving from point A to point B, calling from a HOUSE PHONE [not a cell phone - - very important in order to get a land line #] from where they say they are going. No follow through on their part = increased restriction & monitoring on my part.
As you start increasing your DD's freedoms and she says she's going somewhere with friends for a little while (a public place such as a restaurant, Starbucks, etc.), "accidentally" show up at said place, say hi to her and her friends, do your business and leave. Sneaky I know...but my girls got the message fast that I was checking to see if they were where they said they'd be and were with who they said they would be with. Trust needs to be earned and if I need to know I can BELIEVE what they are telling me. I've only had to do this a few times.
Don't ever minimize their problems....everything is black/white, right/wrong, yes/no......it's hard to find middle ground sometimes so take a deep breath and give it your best shot. We're dumb as dirt in their minds and they think they're the ONLY ones going through this and we're unreasonable, mean, and don't understand. Girls are very adept at using their words and tone to get in sharp jabs.
Be supportive and keep her so busy doing constructive things she wants to do that she doesn't have time to get into trouble or be tempted.
Above all else....make sure she knows you love her and will always be there to support her no matter what.
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lol!
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My daughter turns 13 this Sunday.
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Love her no matter what she says. I have a 15 & a 13 year old - both girls. They have about 40 different personalities at any given time and I usually don't like any of them.
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my terror is 15.....it's brutal! run for the hills! destroy her cell phone! escape, escape! (and little statbaby is 1 and a half going on 13 already!)....
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Just my 2 cents.... And my (only child) daughter turns 13 in a couple months....
Remember, you have to earn their respect as well. Don't EVER expect their respect just because you are the parent. You can force their actions, but not their mind.
Remember, you have to earn their respect as well. Don't EVER expect their respect just because you are the parent. You can force their actions, but not their mind.
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Scenes of the birthday party from Tom`s house..................
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lumqCF2YU1g
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lumqCF2YU1g
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Enjoy Little Statman! I have a 3-yr. old terror of my own....so far HE still likes me.
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LEH--that was classic. I frost the cake the same way.
Thanks to all who added their thoughts. Of course, if I showed these to her she would have further ammo in her argument for getting a cell phone. "See Dad, if I had a cell phone you could take it away if my grades were low, ect."
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enjoy it moms and dads, we have 2 DD's 23 and almost 19 and a son 20 1/2....and actually found the busier you keep them the better....and believe it or not they all still like to come home and spend time with Mom and Dad...maybe it is the fact they get real food, LOL, or because it we go shopping Mom buys,LOL...but the teen, tween years can be fun too....thank good for softball and baseball.....oldest was a volleyball player.....the youngest's boyfriend even complained he would rather go see her @ school in Michigan than when she comes home because all she would rather do is hang with her family,LOL....tough nuggies bucko...LOL bottom line listen, set limits...they really do want to know the guide lines and it is nice to be able to blame it on the Rents why they can't do whatever stupid things their friends are about to do.....
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