Seeing Red

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I know some of you don't want to hear this but, I just got to get this off my chest! ?I have a dd that plays softball and for as long as she has been in this sport I have told her that hard work will get her everywhere, well what happens when it doesn't? ?It seems as though no matter how hard she works or how hard she tries it's not enough! ?I'm convinced that it's do to the fact that I won't ?get "in" good with the coaches or the "clicks" but I refuse to do that! ?It's not me playing! why should I? ?But because I'm not doing my part she gets looked over every time. ?I know some of you maybe thinking maybe she is not that good and that maybe I am not looking at my daughter like a coach would look at her but let me asure you I don't want to make my dd more then what she is, point blank if was not good I would tell her. ?I'm not the type of parent that makes their kid feel bad but I believe that "sugar coating" things only will hurt my kid rather then help them. ?Really I'm to the point where I regret getting her into this sport but I also don't want her to give in. ?She is on a really good travel team and I love her coach, it's the high school thing that has me seeing red! ?I'm sorry if I upset some of you but I just don't know what to do anymore.

 

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I can really sense your frustration and anger---it always hurts when we think someone is slighting or overlooking our dd, especially in favor of possibly weaker players. ?

I have no doubt she's a strong player (you indicated she plays on a solid travel team and you get along well with that coach), so it sounds like the highschool situation is root of the problem. ?

The problem is that, as many are able to tell you, travel ball and highschool ball are two completely different animals. ?:-/ ? ? Do you believe she is sitting so older girls can play?

It stinks ?>, but with highschool, you are facing a much more politically charged atmosphere---strictly speaking, it's really not just all about putting the best 9 out on the field. ?HS coach has the whole seniority-thing rearing it's ugly head; and frankly, the coach sometimes has to sit a great young player in order to appease an average jr/sr player and their parents (and buddies on the team).

The best thing you can do for your dd (and yourself) is to make her understand that this is another one of the unfair life-lessons. ?And take some consolation in the fact, that most coaches would prefer not to lose, and they will find ways to squeeze in strong younger players while they wait for their shot behind older girls.

Hope this helps some.

 

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katjoe has some good points. even if she isn't getting a fair shake this year, the environment can change quite a bit at the high school level from year to year. i had a high school coach that was difficult (for lack of a nicer way to say it) & i was lucky enough to have great parents that actually moved so i could attend a different high school my junior & senior years. of course it was related to scholarship offers & that made college possible. playing the political game stinks & sometimes we have to play that game a little bit to get what we want out of a situation. thank god for travel ball!

 

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No, I get what Katjoebenmom and ptchslapr are saying but I guess it's the princple of the matter that gets me...... Here I am tring to teach my daughter that hard work is what coaches look at (unless you know them then it doesn't matter) or is it? I just get tired of it... I thought it was supposed to be about the girls talent not who you know and how many teams can we beat. Maybe it should be call parents fastpitch softball instead of girls fastpitch cuz from what I see, some parents are better at the "game" then their dd are.

 

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It's not just high school softball...it is all sports.....in high school ball unfortunately many choices coaches make are influenced by many different factors...stinks but true......In my opinion.....most of the teams we play against in summer travel ball at U14 and above can flat out hands down beat most high school softball varsity teams 9 out of 10 times. My daughter understands the political arena in the school as she was affected by it in basketball...other girls with less talent made the JV team while she made the freshman team......she did not let it affect her desire to play the game and be the best she can be......she is the leading scorer for the freshman team and caught the eye of the JV and varsity coaches...so hard work does pay off...at least we hope so...and we will continue to teach her to work hard....remember Michael Jordon got cut from his freshman team in high school......

 

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This is a tough subject and I certainly understand. ?It seems like some kids already have their spots secured on the team, many years before they even get to play. ?Could be their last name or their reputation....or it could be because their parents are "in the loop", who knows. ?I like to think that each girl "earned" her spot fair & square, but I realize that's not always the case. ?I've taught my dd the same thing.....HARD WORK PAYS OFF! ?And though you may be discouraged about this current situation with your dd and the H.S. softball team, keep enforcing the "hard work" rule as I truly believe it will pay off for her in a big way. ?Maybe not now or in this particular situation, but at some point she will definitely reep the rewards. ?

 

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Hard work will pay off in travel ball but not in High School it?s who you know.
I?ve seen this in all sports.
The only thing I can say is this will help with how the real world works.
She will run into the same situation in the work force.
NOT FAIR BUT TRUE

 

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2short,

You are teaching your dd a valuable lesson in that "hard work pays off". You may not always see the success when you would like but you are preparing her for the world ahead. My father was very old school in that respect. He really hammered into me and my brothers that "hard work pays off". He also stressed that success is often "two steps forward and one step back".

What you are teaching you dd is very important. I wished more parents would do the same.

 

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I'm curious as to what prompted you to post this, at this time of the year? I agree high school sports can be aggravating and politics is the main colprit.
I hope you havent been carring this with you since last year, if so, for your own health you need to find a way to let it go.

 

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What many of you will learn. High School is not Traveling ball. Comparing the two is not possible. What many have stated is true. You have a few good high school coaches that also are involved in the Travel ball community, but this is posted and discussed in other areas of this forum. The coaching job is who bid the job, not based on ability. I have done both and the ability of players in high school is not the same. This wll be a big jump for many 14U's going into high school. The game is even played different. Advice: Talk to the coach, if he is worth anything he should give you feedback and have an open discussion.

 

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This subject is a sore spot with me...I will probably tick off the high school softball advocates but it is only my opinion.
I believe that high school ball is simply an obstacle that stands in the way of summer/travel ball. I encourage my daughter to use the high school season as a character building time. The practice and repitition is also a benefit but in most cases you will go bonkers trying to make sense of the way high school softball works.

If she can keep her focus solely on the hard work and attempt to accept that despite her efforts she still may not be rewarded...come June-July-August she will better for it "between the ears".

 

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I have spent 13 years coaching travel and during that time I spent 8 years coaching HS. I have been "accused" of choosing favorites. Because I am with the girls so much during the season - I see way more than the typical parent will ever see. Especially in school ball when practice is every day and conditioning was a couple times a week. Coaches are privy to everything that affects an athlete, grades, boyfriends, and parental issues of every girl there. I understand that it shouldn't come into play but in a HS situation, the big picture is more than winning the next game.

In most cases there is always more to the story and a good HS coach (reguardless of his or her record) does not share the individual trials of a ball player with everyone - or parent that complain.

 

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Have you tried donating a sizeable sum to the athletics department for softball field improvements? Catering a party for the team may help, too. J/K of course - but welcome to the realities of high school sports in general. The issues you are describing are prevalent in EVERY high school sport. They will ALWAYS be there - how you choose to deal with them will be a life lesson to your DD.

- climbing up on parental soapbox -
You and your DD may not immediately see the benefits of her hard work and perserverence, but sometime, somewhere later in life there will be similar "unfair" challenges that she will be better equipped to handle by having to deal with this now. Like you, I absolutely refused to get caught up in the politics of high school sports. My kids know that mom & dad are just spectators, and will never get involved in issues such as playing time, position, etc. The ONLY time we would get involved is if there was ever any physical abuse, illegal activity, etc.

Ignore the urge to confront the coach about what you feel is "right". Teach your DD to fight her own battles - something that is becoming a lost art. Will that help her? Maybe not necessarily on the softball field, but it WILL help her later in life!

- stepping down from parental soapbox -

 

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I know some of you don't want to hear this but, I just got to get this off my chest! ?I have a dd that plays softball and for as long as she has been in this sport I have told her that hard work will get her everywhere, well what happens when it doesn't? ?It seems as though no matter how hard she works or how hard she tries it's not enough! ?I'm convinced that it's do to the fact that I won't ?get "in" good with the coaches or the "clicks" but I refuse to do that! ?It's not me playing! why should I? ?But because I'm not doing my part she gets looked over every time. ?I know some of you maybe thinking maybe she is not that good and that maybe I am not looking at my daughter like a coach would look at her but let me asure you I don't want to make my dd more then what she is, point blank if was not good I would tell her. ?I'm not the type of parent that makes their kid feel bad but I believe that "sugar coating" things only will hurt my kid rather then help them. ?Really I'm to the point where I regret getting her into this sport but I also don't want her to give in. ?She is on a really good travel team and I love her coach, it's the high school thing that has me seeing red! ?I'm sorry if I upset some of you but I just don't know what to do anymore.

You must be in a large school district that has quite a few quality girls playing on the HS squads. ?That could be the only reason, as you explain it, for your daughter to not get her fair shake. ?

I coach HS in a small D3 district, and we just don't have that many quality girls, that I would slight someone because of a parent, or what you have explained to be your situation, because I play to win. ?I have girls that do absolutely nothing in the offseason, but they will play Varsity come season, because they are simply better then the ones who do work at it in the off season, and this may be the situation at your school.

In most sports, as I tell my girls, I the coach, am the sole person who decides who plays and who sits, and no one else. ?So it doesn't matter how good your parents think you are, I make up the lineup, so my perception of your abilities is all that matters. ?If I don't see it, you'll be sitting, and no amount of jawing from a parent will change that.

 

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2short- This is a situation I have had to come to terms with also. In our school district there is a pitcher who is just an amazing athlete. She is amazing at basketball and equally as good at pitching. While my dd is pitching all year and going to open gyms all Feb and March and then practicing outside in freezing cold in the spring, this girl generally doesn't come to any practices. When the first game comes around in the spring-she starts on the pitchers mound. The thing is, she usually doesn't dissapoint. It really doesn't have anything to do with who her parents are(although some may disagree with me). Even though she's 1 year ahead of my dd , she has a goal to some year pitch before her. This makes her work harder! Don't give up-some day your dd's hard work and dedication to the sport will pay off. I'm sure of it

 

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Without knowing the whole story it is hard to comment on the situation. One thing I will ?say is it`s not only the Destination but sometimes the Journey .....Have your DD keep busting her butt and it will pay off... Maybe not in High School Ball or in Softball in general but in Real life and thats what Parents are suppossed to do is get our kids ready for the REAL world . Use this as a learning experiance and go on.......

 

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High School athletics can be a great experience but it can also be a very frustrating lesson into the world we live in depending on the coaches. The same problems are rampant in all sports boys or girls.
There are some high school coaches and any coach for that matter that like having their egos stroked. Those that cater to this end up on the field and those that dont may have a strike against them. This has been around since I was in school and long before that im sure.

I will have to admit I have never seen a sport that has more so called gurus than girls softball. You got the - I read a book folks, the I played baseball a long time ago folks, even the I played mens fastpitch see all the ISC games I pitched in that didnt actually happen. Needless to say there are some coaches that seem to have their egos as a guru placed in front of results.

There are many many great coaches doing great work but there are also alot of frauds out there. There are just as many that are a little over their heads too doing there best. For fun suggest your coach go out there and hit some balls.

Best advice is be patient - determine what motivates the person. If they want to act like a guru there is nothing wrong with feeding the fools ego. You and your daughter can laugh about it in the car on the way home. At least you might get a fair shake.

 

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2short

I can appreciate your frustration, my DD too faces the same situation this spring. The politics in HS sports are relentless, something my DD completely understands, (we left the "community" at U12 and are still stared down at mutual tournaments). DD doesn't mind it during the summer (because as she puts it I've got the hardware they'll never have) but now that the HS season is upon us the feelings are a bit different. We are fortunate enough to have an excellent coach and a strong softball tradition at our school, so it turns in to a matter of pride and accomplishment for DD to be part of the varsity program as a freshman. But it was basically was made public that there were only 5 positions available (and that discussion is for another thread, "best team possible or loyalty to srs and jrs&quot not sure of exact numbers trying out but I do know they will be fielding three teams this year . The work ethic and the drive that DD has will not be affected by the outcome of this spring, she will continue to work to be the best that she can be no matter what.

For now all we can do is wait and see how things play out over the next few weeks. Maybe we are all just getting ourselves worked up over nothing and our speculation of things to come is unwarranted. Good luck to all the girls this spring and to parents lets say we just chill and enjoy it while we can.

 

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Let's see - are we saying high school is different than travel, where everything is earned and everyone is in agreement on who the best players are?

Hard to disagree with that because in travel ball, there aren't any players or parents who think they are being short-changed or overlooked for a lesser player, despite all their hard work. Give me a break!

Johnnies hit it right on the head - the lesson you are teaching your daughter is far and away the most important thing here.

You can only control 2 things about this situation - how hard you work and how you react to the results of that hard work. Different people value different things and life isn't always fair. Keep a good attitude, keep working hard and don't worry about anything else because you can't control it.

 

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High school is political and there is nothing you can do about it. We faced a similiar situation last year. My daughter was a freshman trying out for the team. They had all the girls JV and Varsity try out together. She did excellent in all aspects, can pitch just as well as the 1 other girl pitching. Coach had her take pictures with the JV. Then had individual parent meeting explaining her actions. When I asked her why she put her on the JV team, she said she was neither on Varsity nor JV, but on the bubble. She had never seen my daughter play and just because she excelled in the batting cage, didn't mean she may freeze on the field. She didn't want to waste a freshman. Funny thing was the assistant coach (whose daughter just so happens to be the other pitcher) coached my daughter one year and played against her for about 4 years. But kept his mouth shut about dd's abilties. By the way, DD never played one single JV game. However, she only pitched one complete game and almost every other game came in as relief in the 3rd.
My suggestion to you is that let your daughter show her stuff, the coaches will take notice and while politics do outweigh most everything else, if she is any good at all she will get her due course. Keep teaching her to work hard.