Unfair coaches and how to deal with them.

[Marine]

Hello. Looking for some advice from former coaches or anyone that’s been in this situation. How does a player talk to a coach who feels she’s being treated unfairly? What if a coach continues to play another player in a defensive position over the one who performs better? How does that player say hey I’m obviously better, I don’t make those mistakes over and over without actually saying hey I’m better? When asked what she had to do to earn more time, she was told nothing she’s doing great. Ok……

And here it comes… no it’s not an attitude issue, it’s not underperforming at the plate, parents don’t say anything so it’s not that either. Politics? Maybe but how do you address it? And why would a coach sacrifice the good of the team for political reasons (I don’t even know if this is why, just a suspicion).

Help make it make sense

 

[daboss]

I'm not sure what you want to hear. You say she doesn't under-perform at the plate and her defense is superior compared to another player getting time at the position. So something is wrong. It's either her, or you, but you won't get anywhere blaming the coach. Coaches are different and many in this forum are better than the average bear. Having said this, we've been accused of it as well, by somebody, sometime, because all coaches are guilty of making mistakes.

If the question was asked and the answer was you're doing fine, perhaps a second question needs answered. Follow up with "Is it I'm just not good enough" and see if the coach will elaborate in more detail.

If your kid could bat an honest .500, run like the wind, and never make a fielding or throwing mistake, she'll get to play as long as her behavior with coaches and teammates are respectful. Attitudes don't get rewarded unless they are good............If she can pitch-------some attitude can be overlooked. lol

 

[CARDS]

Hello. Looking for some advice from former coaches or anyone that’s been in this situation. How does a player talk to a coach who feels she’s being treated unfairly? What if a coach continues to play another player in a defensive position over the one who performs better? How does that player say hey I’m obviously better, I don’t make those mistakes over and over without actually saying hey I’m better? When asked what she had to do to earn more time, she was told nothing she’s doing great. Ok……

And here it comes… no it’s not an attitude issue, it’s not underperforming at the plate, parents don’t say anything so it’s not that either. Politics? Maybe but how do you address it? And why would a coach sacrifice the good of the team for political reasons (I don’t even know if this is why, just a suspicion).

Help make it make sense

From the post and since it is school season, I am guessing you are talking about a HS or middle school issue.
If it is a school coach issue this is common.

There are several factors in play with High school ball.
First what level is the player on? Varsity, JV, Freshman.
What is the players Grade Level?
How long has the coach been at the school.
Is the softball coach an actual softball coach or, another teacher/coach just working a contract? (I see this a ton with ladies sports)
How long has the said player been at the school? Did they transfer in or have they played for district through middle school etc.
Can the player play other positions?

In HS at the Varsity level MOST but not all, coaches try to put the best product on the field to be competitive, I have seen Booster reps, principles, ADs and Superintendents that has some input on teams..

I would suggest letting the "players play" do the talking for her. In practice... out hustle every player...
The other ladies and parents know who the top players are and during practice most know who is giving 100% on every pitch and they stand out.

In the dugout stay positive and contribute whenever and whatever is asked. It doesn’t hurt to be the first one at practice and the last one to leave. This is when coaches tend to be more open or available.
Even after all this the coach may just have a personal issue with the player/parent or have outside pressure to play XYZ player and it will not change.

 

[Stedman00]

well, assuming that you're correct and player A truly is better than player B in all aspects.... you're left with bunch of nefarious theories and none of them you or Player A can control. Daddy ball, best friend's daughter, politics, daughter of booster, AD pressure, etc, etc, etc. IF any of these underhanded tactics are in play, you're never going to get coach to change mind. ex. If i'm coaching HS and DD of the head of booster committee is playing RF, and i've made some deal that basically locks her in there.... Player A, isn't going to be in RF unless there's an injury or something. Sorry, life sucks, move on.

All Player A can do is her best, regardless of obstacles, and move forward. OR quit and leave.

The most recent one was a HS coach that coached up until his DD graduated, and then left program. Care to guess where the DD played in Field and batted in the order???? And yep, better players at both spots, but she was never getting moved as long as he was Head Coach.

Any version of the 'Daddy ball' / nepotism racket , really sucks and is a prime reason why people get upset with coaches.

 

[flygirlsdad]

Any version of the 'Daddy ball' / nepotism racket , really sucks and is a prime reason why people get upset with coaches.

Yes it does. Unfortunately it happens in college too. Not so much the daddy ball, but yes on boosters, family members, and parents a little too close to coaches.

 

[Stedman00]

Yes it does. Unfortunately it happens in college too. Not so much the daddy ball, but yes on boosters, family members, and parents a little too close to coaches.

saw one of those on my DD college team... I'm watching during our visit and couldn't understand how this girl could have possibly made any college roster (JV or varsity).. Found out later that parents owned big restaurant in town.

 

[CARDS]

saw one of those on my DD college team... I'm watching during our visit and couldn't understand how this girl could have possibly made any college roster (JV or varsity).. Found out later that parents owned big restaurant in town.

This happens in just about all aspects of life.

 

[Marine]

this is high school varsity.

 

[Stedman00]

this is high school varsity.

as were all my examples listed above. it's never going to make sense. just like the true Daddy Baller coach, doesn't make sense to others. Coach has decided Player B is playing & batting wherever, with little regard for what is better for the actual team and on field results. BUT maybe they get a new press box from boosters because Player B is playing???? Or Coach gets a new driveway cause player B dad owns paving company??? Or program gets donation from local restaurant that Player B parents own???

Any of these 'shenanigans' will not make sense to the affect player A and parents.

How to address? You already have and were given the patent answer. Grin , bear it and work hard for whatever chances you can. maybe someone gets hurt or stuff changes.... Or smile, say F'U and leave.

I have a former travel player, that refused to tolerate HS coach bologna and toxic culture her junior and senior seasons. Kept working and pitched for me on travel team. Just got 2 saves and complete game 3 hit, shut out, week 1 as freshman in college. Wonder how much better the results would have been for that HS for those 2 seasons???

"you can't fix stupid... you can only hope to contain it".

 

[yocoach]

this is high school varsity.

You're not going to want to hear this BUT...she has four choices. She either quits and plays TB only, she transfers high schools, if the player is older she can wait it out until the other player graduates or continue to work hard at home and practices, sit the bench, grin and bear it.

Many HS coaches play positions by Seniority. It doesn't matter that the Freshman may be better than the Junior playing the same position. The Junior's going to start because she "put her time in riding the bench." At least until politics come into play.

Perfect example. DD's old HS did this. All Seniors started and played every game. If no Senior played a particular position, then a Junior played there. At least until an entire new booster club BOD was voted in. Lo and behold, as soon as that happened, the boosters BOD 4 Freshman daughters started and played every game as well as lettering even though they didn't have the number of innings needed according to the team rules laid out by the coach at the pre-season parent meeting.

The same HS coach told a player (pitcher) she will never be good enough to pitch for them because politics came into play. She transferred high schools. Over the next 2 years, she set state records in her division for # of HR, #of K's and two others I can't remember off the top of my head. She went on to play Major D1 and her Junior year, her team went to their first ever appearance in the WCWS and made it to the final 8.

In all honesty, we don't know any of the particulars of the situation from your description so what advice you get is going to be generic at best. Regardless, she needs to find out what's behind it whether Seniority, politics or favoritism to figure out which of the 4 choices are her viable options and which one she wants to choose.

 

[Stedman00]

Hello. Looking for some advice from former coaches or anyone that’s been in this situation. How does a player talk to a coach who feels she’s being treated unfairly? What if a coach continues to play another player in a defensive position over the one who performs better? How does that player say hey I’m obviously better, I don’t make those mistakes over and over without actually saying hey I’m better? When asked what she had to do to earn more time, she was told nothing she’s doing great. Ok……

And here it comes… no it’s not an attitude issue, it’s not underperforming at the plate, parents don’t say anything so it’s not that either. Politics? Maybe but how do you address it? And why would a coach sacrifice the good of the team for political reasons (I don’t even know if this is why, just a suspicion).

Help make it make sense

ever confront coach & / or get any answers???

 

[Marine]

ever confront coach & / or get any answers???

My daughter asked what was going on and coach didn’t have any answers. Said there was nothing she could do better and admits he knows she can make the plays and even told her she’s been impressive. Basically, made his choice no matter how it affects the team or his players. Definitely has us scratching our heads. As I suspect it’s probably political.

 

[Stedman00]

at least you got an answer, however bizarre it is. And at least he didn't lie about her work ethic, performance, etc. Keep working hard is all I can suggest.

 

[ucgrad1980]

Hello. Looking for some advice from former coaches or anyone that’s been in this situation. How does a player talk to a coach who feels she’s being treated unfairly? What if a coach continues to play another player in a defensive position over the one who performs better? How does that player say hey I’m obviously better, I don’t make those mistakes over and over without actually saying hey I’m better? When asked what she had to do to earn more time, she was told nothing she’s doing great. Ok……

And here it comes… no it’s not an attitude issue, it’s not underperforming at the plate, parents don’t say anything so it’s not that either. Politics? Maybe but how do you address it? And why would a coach sacrifice the good of the team for political reasons (I don’t even know if this is why, just a suspicion).

Help make it make sense

Dealing with the exact issues with my daughter's HS team. A team that is one of the best programs in SW Ohio. Despite her leading the team in literally every category for two years in a row, and playing with most of the varsity girls in travel ball, they refuse to bring her up to varsity, even for end of year tourney. They bring up Freshman that can't field or hit over her every year. I brought this to their attention and essentially they come up with bs excuses like she is has issues getting along with girls or this years, she's too inconsistent. This is a kid that has hit .450 with power, led the team in singles, doubles, triples, HR, OBP, SLG, etc. two years in a row. Zero errors in the field as well. Sounds like consistency to me.

This year at tryouts, during live practice, she hits a nuke over the fence, dead center. They cut her (they don't let seniors play JV), and said to her HR didn't count because the catcher (who calls balls and strikes during live pitching) was wrong, and she should have been called out on strikes.

So we decided, as you may have to as well, that there is reasons that are BEYOND her control that are keeping her off the team. This girl is straight A student, leader in National Honor Society and Girl Scouts, and works a job and goes to UC full-time. This isn't an attitude problem, this is a coach problem. Unfortunately, many times it's not something you can control. Just make sure you help your daughter understand this.

 

[Milly Ways]

Dealing with the exact issues with my daughter's HS team. A team that is one of the best programs in SW Ohio. Despite her leading the team in literally every category for two years in a row, and playing with most of the varsity girls in travel ball, they refuse to bring her up to varsity, even for end of year tourney. They bring up Freshman that can't field or hit over her every year. I brought this to their attention and essentially they come up with bs excuses like she is has issues getting along with girls or this years, she's too inconsistent. This is a kid that has hit .450 with power, led the team in singles, doubles, triples, HR, OBP, SLG, etc. two years in a row. Zero errors in the field as well. Sounds like consistency to me.

This year at tryouts, during live practice, she hits a nuke over the fence, dead center. They cut her (they don't let seniors play JV), and said to her HR didn't count because the catcher (who calls balls and strikes during live pitching) was wrong, and she should have been called out on strikes.

So we decided, as you may have to as well, that there is reasons that are BEYOND her control that are keeping her off the team. This girl is straight A student, leader in National Honor Society and Girl Scouts, and works a job and goes to UC full-time. This isn't an attitude problem, this is a coach problem. Unfortunately, many times it's not something you can control. Just make sure you help your daughter understand this.

I've been seeing you pop up in different threads lately and I'll be honest, it sounds like "you" might be the problem. I remember reading some of your posts last spring & fall about leaving multiple travel ball teams because of daddy ball and too much traveling. You were also looking for travel ball teams to sub on in local tournaments in the fall because your daughter already has multiple college offers. I also believe you mentioned she started at Sycamore, or Anderson and is now at Lebanon. However, you also mention Mason. If your daughter was truly playing A-level ball, she'd have no issues cracking the lineup at any school.

 

[yocoach]

Dealing with the exact issues with my daughter's HS team. A team that is one of the best programs in SW Ohio. Despite her leading the team in literally every category for two years in a row, and playing with most of the varsity girls in travel ball, they refuse to bring her up to varsity, even for end of year tourney. They bring up Freshman that can't field or hit over her every year. I brought this to their attention and essentially they come up with bs excuses like she is has issues getting along with girls or this years, she's too inconsistent. This is a kid that has hit .450 with power, led the team in singles, doubles, triples, HR, OBP, SLG, etc. two years in a row. Zero errors in the field as well. Sounds like consistency to me.

This year at tryouts, during live practice, she hits a nuke over the fence, dead center. They cut her (they don't let seniors play JV), and said to her HR didn't count because the catcher (who calls balls and strikes during live pitching) was wrong, and she should have been called out on strikes.

So we decided, as you may have to as well, that there is reasons that are BEYOND her control that are keeping her off the team. This girl is straight A student, leader in National Honor Society and Girl Scouts, and works a job and goes to UC full-time. This isn't an attitude problem, this is a coach problem. Unfortunately, many times it's not something you can control. Just make sure you help your daughter understand this.

Just as an aside, as you well know, it doesn't matter if it's a ball or a strike, it's still a homerun.

 

[yocoach]

My daughter asked what was going on and coach didn’t have any answers. Said there was nothing she could do better and admits he knows she can make the plays and even told her she’s been impressive. Basically, made his choice no matter how it affects the team or his players. Definitely has us scratching our heads. As I suspect it’s probably political.

So, I'll just throw this out there. Contrary to many peoples' popular belief, HS ball means nothing when it comes to playing college ball other than maybe if the college coach calls the HS coach to see what kind of teammate they are or how the parents treated them or reacted during games. My DD didn't play HS Senior year due to several factors and she asked her future college coach if he cared. He told her he'd rather see her play on a temp TB team in tournaments anyway since she'd more than likely play better competition and face better pitching than a majority of HS games.

 

[ucgrad1980]

I've been seeing you pop up in different threads lately and I'll be honest, it sounds like "you" might be the problem. I remember reading some of your posts last spring & fall about leaving multiple travel ball teams because of daddy ball and too much traveling. You were also looking for travel ball teams to sub on in local tournaments in the fall because your daughter already has multiple college offers. I also believe you mentioned she started at Sycamore, or Anderson and is now at Lebanon. However, you also mention Mason. If your daughter was truly playing A-level ball, she'd have no issues cracking the lineup at any school.

Haha, what? Are you stalking my account?

First, you haven't posted for two years, but just decided today was the day to call me, some random person, out? So I'm assuming we know each other, huh? Lebanon coach maybe? Feel free to send my a private message if so instead of coming at me. At least look like you're active on here before coming at me with this garbage. Additionally, you know nothing about the treatment, the things that were said to my daughter by these coaches that were unbelievable and downright inappropriate to say to an adolescent. I'm a teacher and coach myself, but in the middle school, and just because you're a coach doesn't give you the right to demean and break down a child. I will never apologize for advocating for my daughter for the treatment she receives from grown ass men. That's my job!

Secondly, we played for DE, which was nothing but daddy ball and played almost no tournaments besides two, one in Florida and one in Virginia or something. Both were high level tourneys that we had no reason to be at. We got run out after the first day and headed home. So yes, I have a big issue spending 2k to play for a team that overestimates their talent, recruits zero pitchers besides the coaches princess daughter who threw about 40mph, and promises the world to parents and players, and doesn't deliver. I won't apologize for jumping ship after the season was over. So did 75% of the team. Our second team was great! But with my daughter leaving in June, when it was time for the new season, we decided to sub (after some back and forth). Why would I want to spend $2500 plus travel JUST for Fall ball. It's her senior year, so we decided to focus on other things, and sub (which we did successfully). My daughter came to softball from basketball late, so we had only two years of travel ball.

Thirdly, what does my family moving from Sycamore to Lebanon have anything to do with softball? And you mentioned Mason, you do realize that people can live in different areas right? Did you ever think that maybe her mother and I aren't married but she lives with me and her mom? Not that it's any of your business.

And lastly, no where did I say she is an A-ball player. We subbed with A-ball this fall and she did just fine and has played with two teams full of varsity players from all over the city, and she sat her ass right in the clean up spot, so I think she and her play speak for the themselves. And I'm sure, since you know everything about me and my daughter that you can look her up.

 

[ucgrad1980]

So, I'll just throw this out there. Contrary to many peoples' popular belief, HS ball means nothing when it comes to playing college ball other than maybe if the college coach calls the HS coach to see what kind of teammate they are or how the parents treated them or reacted during games. My DD didn't play HS Senior year due to several factors and she asked her future college coach if he cared. He told her he'd rather see her play on a temp TB team in tournaments anyway since she'd more than likely play better competition and face better pitching than a majority of HS games.

Good to know.

Just as an aside, as you well know, it doesn't matter if it's a ball or a strike, it's still a homerun.

Agreed. But when they said that we knew she could have hit every pitch over the fence and they still wouldn't have given her a spot.

 

[CARDS]

Haha, what? Are you stalking my account?

First, you haven't posted for two years, but just decided today was the day to call me, some random person, out? So I'm assuming we know each other, huh? Lebanon coach maybe? Feel free to send my a private message if so instead of coming at me. At least look like you're active on here before coming at me with this garbage. Additionally, you know nothing about the treatment, the things that were said to my daughter by these coaches that were unbelievable and downright inappropriate to say to an adolescent. I'm a teacher and coach myself, but in the middle school, and just because you're a coach doesn't give you the right to demean and break down a child. I will never apologize for advocating for my daughter for the treatment she receives from grown ass men. That's my job!

Secondly, we played for DE, which was nothing but daddy ball and played almost no tournaments besides two, one in Florida and one in Virginia or something. Both were high level tourneys that we had no reason to be at. We got run out after the first day and headed home. So yes, I have a big issue spending 2k to play for a team that overestimates their talent, recruits zero pitchers besides the coaches princess daughter who threw about 40mph, and promises the world to parents and players, and doesn't deliver. I won't apologize for jumping ship after the season was over. So did 75% of the team. Our second team was great! But with my daughter leaving in June, when it was time for the new season, we decided to sub (after some back and forth). Why would I want to spend $2500 plus travel JUST for Fall ball. It's her senior year, so we decided to focus on other things, and sub (which we did successfully). My daughter came to softball from basketball late, so we had only two years of travel ball.

Thirdly, what does my family moving from Sycamore to Lebanon have anything to do with softball? And you mentioned Mason, you do realize that people can live in different areas right? Did you ever think that maybe her mother and I aren't married but she lives with me and her mom? Not that it's any of your business.

And lastly, no where did I say she is an A-ball player. We subbed with A-ball this fall and she did just fine and has played with two teams full of varsity players from all over the city, and she sat her ass right in the clean up spot, so I think she and her play speak for the themselves. And I'm sure, since you know everything about me and my daughter that you can look her up.

Having coached in both the ECC and GMC....

Making the varsity team at Anderson and Sycamore is not a stretch...One does not have to be that good to start or make the varsity roster at these schools as they are lower tier teams.

Mason, Lebanon, Lakota,s, Milford, Kings, Oak Hills, Fairfield you need to be a baller to make varsity.

If the player can field, has a strong arm and can HIT there is a spot for you. If the player can pitch the palyer is locked as pitching is way down in most leagues.

If it is a coach issue...
Go straight to the AD and school board. You can also file complaints against their teaching/coaching licenses if as you state is happening with player abuse. https://sboe.ohio.gov/professional-conduct/report-educator-misconduct

GMC and ECC websites

Eastern Cincinnati Conference

Eastern Cincinnati Conference

eccsports.com

Greater Miami Conference

Greater Miami Conference

gmcsports.com