The Wait

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there's been lots of talk about tryouts this year, of course, right around this time.....differences from last year, turnouts, etc...but one thing that I don't see is anyone, DD or dads, talking about waiting for that email/that phone call....at some tryouts, you never even get a reply, i'm sure (this happened a few times years ago trying out for 12's)....some girls, i guess, dont have to wait around for it, they are returning players (my guess is that the majority of OFC posters' DD's have returning spots on their respective teams, which is probably why they discuss more on OFC--if you are new to the "burbs" or have a DD that roams the softball countryside like Fed Ex mail, you probably are one of the many OFC lurkers) anyways, always leave it to statman to go on a tangent

for us this year, while I wont get into super specifics (one day i'll write a tell-all blog, now THAT would be fun!) about my own case (most people know where my DD's color resigns!), i got to thinking about other players we came across from tryouts and all their parents who might be stressin about that "wait"

does it make you respect/disrespect an org more or less if they communicate their intentions? this is probably why i would find it hard to coach, to send those emails, to make those calls, because i would think that in some terms there is always that "why?" if it's a negative...i remember sending off short stories to publishers, getting that standard "no thanks" reply, or nothing at all, sometimes you get that one line "try again" from that one copy editor who liked the story and felt "bad" for me (sorry, tangent number 2)...that would be me, "well, try again..."

anyways, let me know what you think, or just lurk and stay silent (and you wonder why you dont have Addicted status!)

 

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From what I'm hearing there are a lot of kids waiting for that call. Many of them are very good ball players!! Alot of this is due to the fact that there has been a lot of movement on teams. Teams disbanding, splitting up, etc.... Alot of roster are going to have whole new looks for 2009.

 

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but there is nothing like being told that they want your dd back and then at tryouts being given the idea that you are coming back and then dad makes a phone call and finds out that the dd is not probably going to be asked back. why would a coach tell the parent they want the dd back and assistant coaches tell the dad that the dd is on the A list and then being told that she probably will not be asked back

go figure

coaches do not make promises and then go back on them

 

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buckeye family:

Ouch. Sounds like the team saw more quality players at tryouts than coaches had anticipated. Depending on what you were told, however, the fact that the tryouts produced more than expected shouldn't mean that a coach rescinds a prior commitment.

 

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This if from a coach perspective...

Tryouts are a time for renewed excitement and it also a time where tough decisions have to be made. I tell the parents the exact time when I will render the decision and I stick to it. I have a severe hearing problem and I have to make most of my decisions made known by email. The bottom line is everyone needs to be informed of all decisions. If offered a spot, they need to make a decision on whether or not to accept. If not offered a spot, they need to know in order to schedule additional tryouts. I see absolutley no valid reason for not contacting all attendees with your decisions. If you attend a tryout and do not receive a reply, it is probably good that you didn't. Why would you want to play for a team that does not care enough to respond? It may be a blessing in disguise.

 

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Everybody should get a phone call. Even more, the coach could say "your daughter didn't make the the team because ________(weak arm, poor hitting, too slow, etc...). That way, the player knows what they need to improve. (despite the parents saying "you're a great player - the coach is an idiot") Sometimes the truth hurts, but it IS the truth.

What I don't care to hear, and I heard it last week, is the coach saying "If I call you to tell you you made the team, I need to know within an hour if you accept." There are tryouts all month long. Some girls get 5 offers, some girls wait by the phone for 3 weeks to get one offer. I can appreciate the coaches situation, but they must understand the player's dilemna.

 

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I was thinking about this last night. Fortunately we know our DD will be back on the team she played for last year. Well, pretty confident, tryouts are this weekend. But her best friend has done 3 tryouts with teams she really liked and has not had a phone call or email from one of them. I always thought you received a call wether you made the team or not. This girl is a very talented player with a lot of expeience and we heard the coaches making comments during a couple of the tryouts about how good she looked. Sure maybe they found someone that looked better or seemed to be a better fit and that is fine and understandable. I just do not understand not communicating if you made the team or not.
I would love to hear from more coaches about how they handle this. Do you call or not call.

 

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As an organization we have always had a policy that everyone who tries out will get a phone call back (Johnnies gets an exception to use email) from a coach on the team they tried out for in a reasonable amount of time (if you try out for multiple teams in the organization the one you listed as your first choice usually is the one to make the call) - reasonable is usually defined as one week or less. Now the call may say that you haven't yet made the team, but pending the decisions of offers we have out, you could be made offered a spot; this is because we also have a policy of no pressure tactics, i.e. we will give you a couple of days to respond and not demand an immediate answer. Does this occasionally cost us a player? Yes, but I'd rather do that than pressure someone into making a decision that they, and ultimately the team (unhappy players and parents make for a long season), will regret.

 

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some teams have tryouts over 2-3 weekends at different locations. They would have to wait until all tryouts are done to make final calls. maybe that is why some girls have not heard anything yet. as in any relationship , communication and expectations are key. MD

 

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Girls that came to our try-outs were told the day they would recieve a call. They would be told yes or no but would get a call on that day.

 

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Can we limit Stat to let's say......200 words per post?

 

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(Sorry iceEd, I'm about to go waaaay over 200)

Hey Statman---very heavy topic---but an important one.

I'm sure my response will be more telling more about me than I would like, but I think there are probably a few folks out there who feel the same.

I don't know if any adult wants to admit to it, but I've sometimes felt that when my dd competes for a position on a team, it takes me back to my grade school days.

It gets right down to feelings of acceptance, recognition, and self-worth. When we formed teams for kickball at recess---we all wanted to be on the team with the "cool kids". When we lined up in gym class to pick teams for dodge ball---no one wanted to be the last one chosen.

If we are honest with ourselves---our feelings get hurt for our child if we think she may have been rejected or slighted or overlooked (or maybe it's just me). We think "my dd was just as good as that other girl, why wasn't she chosen?"---it's just human nature.

But waiting and disappointment are also natural parts of life---very few of us go through life getting immediate answers and every thing we ever wanted (whether it's getting on a particular softball team, a cute kid we wanted to ask us to the dance lol, a job with company we want to work for, etc.).

As cliche as it is, that old saying still holds true---"what does not kill us, only makes us stronger". It's absolutely true---after a disappointment/rejection and we wake up the next morning and are surprised we are still alive---it toughens you up. You learn that you are able to endure more than you thought---you can shrug off a slight (real or imagined), and think "huh, well that's their loss if they didn't choose me, and it will be someone else's gain", then go out and try all over again with determination.

Well Stats, I've gassed on enuff about my insecurities for now, but I just thought you made a very insightful observation.
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As far as whether organizations should send negative replys, as well a position offers---yes, absolutely. Get the sting over with quickly---if the girl made the effort to come to a tryout, she deserves the courtesy of a yes or no reply ASAP. Doesn't matter if it is just a form letter, I know sometimes there are dozens of messages to be sent out (though any sort of personal message added on would be a real touch of class), just don't leave the family hanging. Being left waiting with dwindling hope can only lead to bitterness (no organization needs that kind of karma), while a swift answer should leave families with a sense of a team's professionalism.

 

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Also coaches, make sure You talk to the players and let them know the outcome Yes or No... Do not leave that news to the parent to tell the child.

 

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...

 

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Grrr... We just had this happen. We got made an offer Tuesday night from an unnamed team. We responeded that we wanted to keep our options open for a few days to analyze all our options. We will call back. This team was on our top 2 choices to play for... grrr.

Wednesday night, got a call back that DD was bypassed because we did not commit on the spot (The coach did not tell us that he required immediate commitment). The roster is full. DD's friend got bypassed because they were not home and did not return the call within 24 hours.

The worst thing is that the coach said that DD was his 3rd pick of all the girls that tried out. Wouldn't you wait a couple of days for your top picks?????

We even passed on going to a tryout that was 3rd choice last night because we thought that we had an option.

sounds like a vicious cycle......commit now or lose your spot, so kids commit still tryout for another team decide they like that one better, so they uncommit to the first team and get labled and leave the first team hanging. what to do.

that is a tough position hope things work out for you.

 

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That is exactly what we did not want to do.

 

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How do you handle it when the main reason a kid did not get an offer was because of a conversation you had with the parent during try outs. I like talking to the parents if I am interested so that I know what we are dealing with. I was very interested in a kid this year but the parent scared me off.

 

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I don't have an issue with organizations waiting to complete all tryouts before offering positions, but as others have said, coaches need to be careful what they say to potential players after a tryout that might lead them to believe they are going to be asked to play. DD was pulled aside after the tryout, told some very positive things, asked some direct questions about being part of the team, and told that they would be in touch (this was after 1st day of tryouts). Somewhere down the line, things changed a bit, maybe she wasn't the first choice, waiting for others who received offers to decide, or coaches waiting for last tryouts, etc.....but here she is still hanging....hoping. When you're waiting for a call, even a few days feel like an eternity. LOL I will say, coach did call eventually (not when we were told, but he did apologize) explained the situation, discussed strengths and weaknesses, was very straight forward and told us he would again be in touch, basically when others made their decisions. Still, even with the reasonable explanation, DD can't help but wonder why he would have said all those things at the tryout if he "didn't mean it". I'm sure he did at the time, but explain that to your DD. Oh well, we've moved on...chalk it up as a life lesson and character building experience. No sour grapes, seriously.

I will say other organization she tried out for was upfront and let us know basically the next day (maybe easier because they didn't take her), but either way, we knew what was up.

 

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How do you handle it when the main reason a kid did not get an offer was because of a conversation you had with the parent during try outs. I like talking to the parents if I am interested so that I know what we are dealing with. I was very interested in a kid this year but the parent scared me off.

Okay---you've hooked me. What did the parent say that scared you off, even though the kid was a good player?

 

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Okay---you've hooked me. What did the parent say that scared you off, even though the kid was a good player?

do tell!!!