I am not saying that anyone else is wrong. I am just telling you my experience….
My little one started playing travel at 8u in a 10u team. She sat a lot on Sundays and quite a bit on Saturdays as well. But her development was the goal as well as the experience.
At 9u she joined a strong team of older 10u’s. The coach actually pursued my dd to play for him. She was selected for her skill. Once we started fall play, I noticed that she was sitting a lot. I had a heart-to-heart with the coach to see what we (as parents) can do to help her improve. He was open and honest and said that because she was the youngest on the team, and everyone else would move up with him, she probably wouldn’t play as much as everyone else. After spending a lot if time on the bench as an 8 year old, we felt it was important for her to have playing time so that she doesn’t get discouraged. I had to take her personality into account – (Very important). So the coach and I decided that it would be better for HER to find a 9u team. We are still friends with this coach and there have been no hard feelings because he was completely open and honest.
We found another team mid-winter. Although, it was not a solid 9u team, there were several girls that she could stay with. Long story short, there was some turnover and all but two 9u girls left before the season started. All the new girls picked up were 10u moving up to 12u next year. So guess what happened…. The coach decided that since all the other girls would move up with his daughter, that the younger ones wouldn’t play as much.
So moral of the story, the coach may start with good intentions, but things could change along the way. After all, they are only human. But in hindsight, the experiences were all worth it. She still got a lot of good development and learned a lot of lessons – Both good and bad. Now that she is an official 10u and on a good solid 10u team, we finally found the perfect fit. She had a few offers to move up. But we decided that moving up was not the right thing for “HER”. We wanted a team where all the girls will move up together, and she will never feel “different” because she is the youngest.
I appreciate the coaches that say “If she has the skills, she will play”. But again, intentions change and it really depends on the coach’s personal agenda (i.e. whether or not their kid moves up next year).