The problem with most coaches

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Like with most posts that begin to get torn apart and over analyzed I believe if the three of us had a conversation we may agree more than we disagree.

Let me simplify: For many years I have taught my daughter to take the high road, be part of the solution not part of the problem. In a team activity it is important that the leader be respected and allowed to lead. As a player on that team, your job is to play well and be well prepared to execute the coaches plan.

I wanted to share this philosophy with OFC'ers who are working hard to play college ball by saying "hey, here is what we did and the college coaches seem to agree with how my daughter approaches the game".

Because you and many others can debate this and break down all of the sentences and paraphrase and quote and debate forever. The bottom line as I see it (from my first hand knowledge) is this is information that many may be interested in learning about: A college coach wants a well trained, team player who will work hard on their own and respect the coaches authority on their own and plan and fill their role as a player on thier own. You may be interested to know how much research they did on her to make sure she was an independent thinker and person in general, that mommyand daddy were not carrying her bag and making her think and act a certain way too...that she truly was the well rounded young adult they are going to be happy to live with for four years.
They are not interested in mind numbed robots, nor are they interested in debating their coaching style or whether they may have hurt someones feelings in the process with a player for four years either.

So, good luck to all who are pursuing a similar dream, I have invested many years and hours of work into many athletes and hope this information is helpfull and uplifting too. I am not interested in a debate of any kind, but am happy to speak directly to anyone who may have questions about our experience and what to do and not do throughout the recruiting process. Feel free to PM me and I will get back right away.

 

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Jjen You are the man!!! I for one am very proud to know you and your DD she is a great kid. EMU is going to love what they got. As for your post it is spot on. RESPECT is a two way street agreed. However, if a player is on the team and for what ever reason feels that she is not respected or getting what she feels is deserved and does not continue to apply herself 100% who is to blame? The coach or the player? The player can only control her own actions and how she responds can and will more than likely determine her future. That player can not control the coach or her teammates. So if she takes every opportunity that is given her and gives maximum effort for that moment then she has done her job and fit into whatever role she may have. I get it we all have kids and we watch them work and practice. We all believe that our kids are working hard and deserve to be rewarded. But in reality there are more than nine kids on a roster but only nine spots in the line up. and if every kid is maximizing her potential, who should be rewarded? The answer is everyone, unfortunately no matter what happens someone is going to feel disrespected or that there is a political agenda against them. I know of a school program where the #2 pitcher on the team would be a #1 anywhere else. The #1 on that team is awesome and pitches almost every game. The program is solid and the #2 plays her role. Both pitchers are committed to DI schools. I would venture to say that the #2 girl would like more time in the circle but she handles it with class an dignity and therefore is an asset to wherever she will go. She could have very easily had a chip on her shoulder and decided not to "play for that coach". What would that haven gotten her. Especially if her parents would have taken her to another school. Any way I am getting long winded. The point is to control what you can and be gracious with what you can't. Things will work out in the end. If you fall in to the trap and react negatively, when every thing shakes out in the end you may find yourself on the outside looking in and wishing you would have done things differently.

 

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amen great post.

 

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Thanks guys. These posts make for reading reading, and even better, allows many parents to get their head on straight. I've found that whenever you, or your dd, or your team faces a problem. The sage advice you find here will either solve the problem, or help you make the best of it.

 

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AWESOME post, very nice. I know I speak for most all coaches, thank you.

As we begin yet another school season I feel compelled to point out what I believe to be the problem with most coaches (even travel coaches)

When my DD was in middle school her coach was not a very good leader and sometimes created more drama than the girls.

Her freshman year the first year coach was young, a strict disciplinarian and caused allot of turmoil amongst the team and parents. This coach was not asked to come back the next year.

We moved so she transferred schools her sophmore year and that coach had a strong program in place and my DD only got to DH with very limited time on defense.

All of these coaches contributed to where my DD is today. Everything they did, brought her to where she is today.

She just verballed to a D1 school as a junior and is looking forward to another great high school and travel season.

The problem with most coaches is that parents don't teach their DD to respect the coach NO MATTER WHAT! The problem with most coaches is that parents and their DD don't work hard to get better and be the best player and teammate they can be. The problem with most coaches is not the coaches at all. It is unrealistic parents and players who have high expectaions and demands and very little work ethic and respect.

It starts with respect of the authority figure. In school ball you get what you get....make the most of it, work your tail off and earn what you want. In travel ball, same things apply except you have some choice about the coach. There may be politics, poor coaching and some unfair things happen. If I said it once I said it a hundred times..."the coach is the leader of the group, respect the coach and their decisions and make the most of it. Work hard on your own to get better and to prove you deserve to be on the field."

I can't begin to explain how hard she worked (with results, not just putting time in) and it shows to everyone who has seen her year after year.

I know there will be some who will get on here and tell us how this sounds good, "but you should hear what happened to my DD..." BLAH BLAH BLAH

Respect the coach as the authority figure you need to answer to.
Work your tail off on your own to prove you should be on the field and actually get better.
TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FUTURE AND YOUR PRESENT

 

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I am going to let this issue drop with one more comment.

Aren't we talking about Perseverance, Commitment, Tenacity? The ability to work hard through a poorly dealt hand, to buckle down and fight through all odds no matter what the situation? To not give up no matter how hard someone might be pushing you to?

I am not arguing that strong players will persevere. My daughter who is now playing in college had a REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY rough two years in High School. REALLY! It had nothing to do with playing time, she played every varsity inning of every varsity game all four years she was in high school. She persevered. She buckled down and stubbornly put up with stuff a 14 year old girl should not have had to put up with.

She did what the coach told her to do. She said yes sir and yes coach. She did her best on every play... When the team loss, she was upset. Winning was important to her, not for a personal reason but for a team reason.

Did she RESPECT the coach? Not a chance in... well you know where...

I think we are confusing RESPECT, which is earned with perhaps tenacity, desire, a willingness to give 100% no matter the odds.

Am I wrong in saying that RESPECT is earned?

Should the coach be given free reign to treat his/her players in anyway he or she wants knowing that the players ARE REQUIRED BY SOME UNWRITTEN LAW to respect him/her?

For me that seems... well... silly.

 

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Steve, I would like to offer you and others a little thought about Respect and what I think we are talking about. I think you are defining Respect as how one may feel about another..... You described your daughter as hard working and perserveering through rough times due to her coach, yet she played hard, cared about her team and still gave it her all!! That's awesome, and it is also.... "Respect"

In my profession I Respect a great many people that are far worse than one of your daughter's coaches. It is not how I feel about them, but rather how I treat them, that reveals my character and says nothing of whether they deserve it or not.

IMO Respect is not a feeling or belief in someone, it is an action or actions that you show towards another. So I have to disagree with you a little here and say that, although her coach may not have deserved it, your daughter respected him , or she would not have done the things you described... and lastly I applaud you for raising her to do so, even if you dont want to call it respect.... I believe it is

 

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IMO Respect is not a feeling or belief in someone, it is an action or actions that you show towards another. So I have to disagree with you a little here and say that, although her coach may not have deserved it, your daughter respected him , or she would not have done the things you described... and lastly I applaud you for raising her to do so, even if you dont want to call it respect.... I believe it is

I agree. You have to at least respect the position if not the person. If the person doesn't belong in that position, there are ways to deal with that in a respectful way! In the meantime though, one can hope that if all the adults act with class, the kids will too.

 

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Alright... I will buy into that...

You are not saying that the girls actually HAVE TO RESPECT them but that they TREAT them with respect...

I guess when I think of Respect the first thing that comes to mind is Jim Tressel. A true class act. Someone that you would be proud to have as your coach.

* * * I think of respect more from the stand point that if someone was attacking your coach's character you would be the first one to step up and defend it. * * *

You "respect" the "decisions they make" - how he/she treats you and your peers.

I think of respect more from the stand point that if a friend of yours came to you and said... hey I am thinking about playing for your coach - the first words out of your mouth would not be "NO! DON'T! Whatever you do... DON'T" Because you don't want your friend to suffer through what you have... For me... that does not sound like respect.

But I will agree with you... Treat with respect... sounds good.

 

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I believe there are 2 types of respect. One is inherent to the position a person holds and believe that is what is shown to a superior even when disagreement takes place between people.
The other is earned and has a gretaer impact on people establishing an eager want to do what you ask of them versus just doing it because a person is in a postion of "leadership/power".

If a coach/person has both then the group of people thay are leading have unlimited potential to succed.