When is enough "enough"

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I wanted to pass this along for all to reflect on as I did when I read this.

Until it Hurts - The New Book by Mark Hyman | Book Excerpt | Begins with a sort of confession about youth sports in America.

 

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I don't doubt the validity of his examples and statistics but I would view it as a cautionary tale that like many "hot" issues that come and go this is another example of taking some obviously extreme behavior that a very very small percentage of the group exhibits and then going down the path of more regulation, rules and requirements that take our time, freedoms and choices away. We have all most likely have had an encounter with "that" mom or dad that is so far over the edge with their son's or daughter's involvement in an activity that common sense or balance has long faded away but in the coaching experience of my many years they are the small minority. As a parent I checked myself from time to time to make sure I was doing right by my DD, we were involved in the sport for the right reasons and our sports activities were in balance with the other parts of our life. I believe just as the previous poster's family came to their reasoned decision regarding their DD pitching career, the vast majority of parents would do the same. JMHO.

 

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One thing to take into deep consideration, is the fact that these "overzealous parents" who are responsible for forming professional style leagues and paving the way for professional instructors, trainers, clinics, etc., have also made it very convenient for the majority of "us reasonable" participants to play and enjoy in a relatively well oiled and convenient world of fastpitch softball or what ever sport, fine arts, etc.
Just think back a few years ago when a hitting instructor, or speed and agility trainer was a catch phrase for college and pro players. Now, there seems to be one in every city, and to be honest, it makes me and my DD happy not to have to drive 3 hrs to attend these. There will always be those who push the envelope, whether it be medicine, music, politics, etc., and there will always be "victims" of this extremism. The trick is to participate, enjoy and grow--making sure all the way that what you are doing is truly what is best for your kid.

 

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I tend to agree with go4fpsb, especially with regards to not wanting to see more rules or regulations, but I do think it serves as a good reminder for us as both parents and coaches to keep things balanced and fun for the kids, because after all they are kids. I think as coaches we need to make sure that we don't "facilitate" those overzealous parents by asking for too much practice, not allowing kids to play other sports, and not playing kids who are hurt. I am sure that 98% of us are doing that now, but it is good to think about and reflect on from time to time.

 

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We have never treated our young athletes with the care and foresight that they need and deserve. This is not a recent phenomena, if my over forty baseball league is any indiacation. First, almost no high school pitchers can still throw, some can not throw across the diamond. The guys that played right field are finally getting their chance. Healthy guys that loved the game will try it for a couple of weeks but then will have to throw in the towel due to injuries directly traced to high school fields. Some directly to coaches, parents or just being tough. These are guys that will live another 40 years with restricted activity due to some youthful injury.

We are understanding concussions much better now and their long term effects. It will be another decade before hockey and football are modified to protect these players in any significant way. This mentality shows up in our game with the prejudice against fielders masks. Now our girls will also get to participate in this rash of injuries in their old age and will suffer for it.

Simple adjustments to our warmup routines can reduce ACL injuries in our women yet few of our teams utilize them. Check out Warrior Girls and be outraged.

[h=3]Warrior Girls: Protecting Our Daughters Against the Injury Epidemic in Women's Sports by Michael Y. Sokolove (Sep 21, 2009)[/h]http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=warrior+girls

 

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Great article........having been through a lot of the things listed. Oldest tore her ACL her Senior summer before college, didn't require surgery wasn't torn through. But still required physical therapy which had to been done without going to a therapist, didn't have the money then and alot of work to get back to playing. Middle did quit during her sophomore summer select season, she was not getting much playing time, not having fun. We approached the coach and asked why and what was needed to get more time....she did this at the practices and nothing changed so she quit with my blessing. Now I am down to my youngest and last one until maybe the granddaughter will play. I can honestly say I have not had as much if any trouble with the select coaches and injuries that I have with the HS coaches. Youngest went to trainer last year with a issue, trainer gave her instructions for what she was allowed and not allowed to do and how long. She went back to see the trainer prior to practice everyday, and the restrictions were given to the coaches. Coaches never followed what the trainer said, they put her where they needed her not paying attention to what the trainer had stated. I finally had to take her to a doctor and then the coaches finally listened. Did take her to physical therapy to help with the underlying problem with her elbow, learned different stretches to help and strengthen, and also had deep tissue massages to break up the scar tissue that is there. So now I am wondering what this HS season will bring......will I have to take her to a doctor again to have it written up where she can/cannot play due to this. Only a few months and we will find out...
For me the happiness and well being of my daughters has always been the first priority.....I think I know my daughters well enough to know if they were complaining just to get out of/ not wanting to practice or if it was for actually being hurt and shouldn't play. I know there have been times when they all did play and maybe shouldn't have...but that was usually by their choice.
I have actually kept my youngest from going to her batting instructor since the end of August. She needs a break so she doesn't get burnt out as stated...kinda funny cause she has been getting on me that she wants to go back, she misses her instructor. At certain points in time with as much as we all travel and put into the sports...we also have to remember that these are kids!!! They need time to just be kids...they miss so much during the summer whether it be Family Reunions, spending time with friends or hanging out with family. That sometimes we just need to let them be Kids and have some down time and a slower more normal life for a bit.
I will miss this when it's gone.....I already know this having had 2 go through as far as they wanted...so enjoy and soak up every opportunity with your kids before it ends.
JMO

 

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If you’re not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.

Parents have accepted the current state of youth athletics as the norm and use it to justify their actions while criticizing the “psycho parents”. What most fail to realize is that what they deem as normal would have been considered the act of a “psycho parent“ 10 years ago. Listen to yourselves. Normal to many on this forum is having a pitching coach, a hitting coach, a personal trainer, a season that is 11.75 months/yr, and driving several hours to practices…..oh ya and this is for 12 year olds. You all say let them be kids, but you don’t let them be kids. All of this leads to overuse injuries. Dial it down a notch for your kids sake.

I hate when I hear "that is what my DD wanted to do, it was her decision"......stop.....you're the parent. You make the decisions on whether or not they play and who they play for.

If you want them to be kids, then let them play 5-7 months/yr MAX, no private hitting coach, no personal trainer, and pick a team that is 5 minutes away. I think the reality is most believe in the elusive full ride college scholarship, which doesn’t exist for 99.5% of the kids and may even be higher for softball (99.9%) – don’t believe those that tell you they received a full ride in softball.

Check you reality………how does it match with your childhood 20+ years ago?

 

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"Check you reality………how does it match with your childhood 20+ years ago?"...

I just checked. Thank GOODNESS (and title 9) that things aren't how they were 20+ (34 years for me) years ago, regarding my 15 y/o daughter and sports!

 

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I think it depends on what your child is looking to get out of the sport. Some are more serious about being the best they can be and others are fine with just playing for fun, which is why there are so many levels of play available. Not all players who take hitting lessons, pitching lessons, and other classes to prepare themselves are chasing the "full ride scholarship" but just want to be the best player they can be. I know my dd is striving for an academic scholarship, not a softball scholarship but the lessons she learned from playing at the higher level of ball have helped her in other aspects of her life and I'm proud of her for working so hard at something. Is she at a higher risk of getting injured than the players who play 5 months of the year? Of course she is, which is why we take precautions but to say that it is unhealthy to be dedicated to something she loves so much is just rediculous to me. She may have missed a sleepover or 2 in the last 6 years but she has gotten to do alot and travel to places that most of her peers will never get to do because of her dedication to softball and to her it is worth it 10 fold. Like I said, it all depends on what your child wants to get out of it.

 

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If you?re not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.

Parents have accepted the current state of youth athletics as the norm and use it to justify their actions while criticizing the ?psycho parents?. What most fail to realize is that what they deem as normal would have been considered the act of a ?psycho parent? 10 years ago. Listen to yourselves. Normal to many on this forum is having a pitching coach, a hitting coach, a personal trainer, a season that is 11.75 months/yr, and driving several hours to practices?..oh ya and this is for 12 year olds. You all say let them be kids, but you don?t let them be kids. All of this leads to overuse injuries. Dial it down a notch for your kids sake.

I hate when I hear "that is what my DD wanted to do, it was her decision"......stop.....you're the parent. You make the decisions on whether or not they play and who they play for.

If you want them to be kids, then let them play 5-7 months/yr MAX, no private hitting coach, no personal trainer, and pick a team that is 5 minutes away. I think the reality is most believe in the elusive full ride college scholarship, which doesn?t exist for 99.5% of the kids and may even be higher for softball (99.9%) ? don?t believe those that tell you they received a full ride in softball.

Check you reality???how does it match with your childhood 20+ years ago?

Fortunately, our daughters today and future generations of girls have opportunities that didn't exist a generation ago. Through hard work, self discipline and goal setting, they have opportunities to benefit from a generously funded college education. However, the harsh reality is that not every kid is cut out for the journey - it takes a certain level of athleticism and a generous helping of nose-to-the-grindstone hard work. Remove either element, and the goal becomes a very difficult one. Look at how many boys make it to the "big leagues" in baseball. Certainly far fewer boys make it there than do girls getting generous athletic college scholarships. But make no mistake - there is a LOT of funding available for qualified female athletes!

I think there are two threads of thinking here that MUST be separated. Injuries caused by ignorance have nothing to do with kids working hard towards a goal. The question begs to be asked: "How many kids participated in athletics through 4 years of college and sustained no life-altering injuries?" The answer is MANY. The whole process is a learning experience that far surpasses athletics alone. The self-discipline and work ethic learned are just two things that will benefit them in any life skill required to earn a living for the rest of their life. You can't learn that stuff sitting on your butt.

Mine's (softball) playing season was about 6 months long. NO fall ball, because that was rest/recuperation time (off-season). BUT - as with anything worth working for, extra training is a MUST. If your goal is a concert violinist, you MUST have specialized instruction AND PRACTICE HARD AT HOME. If you want to drive Indy cars, guess what? You don't learn that overnight driving through alleys at night. And yes, college softball takes specialized training and hard work. But that doesn't have to mean "guaranteed overuse injury" or "no time to be a kid". That's where parenting comes into play - as in "just say no" to overzealous coaches and anyone who stands to jeopardize your kid's dreams.

 

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I've seen a lot of similar articles about how parents are damaging their kids. I'd like to see more about:

1) The father-daughter talks about non-softball related things while riding in the car to lessons/practices/events.
2) Going on a quest with your daughter to seek out a new and exciting McDonalds in a strange city.
3) Driving 40 miles to the nearest Wal-Mart because she forgot her specific brand of hair conditioner.
4) Watching her try to set up a tent all by herself.
5) Burning about 5 mosquito repellent disks all within about 20 feet of her pitching arm.

With every negative you can find between parents and kids when they compete at a high level, there are also so many positives that I wouldn't trade for the world. I'd like to think (and I pray) that when she looks back on it some day she'll feel the same way.

 

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When is enough "enough"?
- Taking pain/anti-inflammatory meds in order to play.
- Icing and/or taking meds after playing to manage pain instead of preventing it.
- Having to coerce them into practicing.

The first 2 should be taken very seriously - get a medical evaluation to find out the severity and root cause. The part that's hurting is sometimes the victim of another part not being strong enough to do its job.

All 3 can be signs they need a break to recharge their body and mind. Some medical literature recommends pitchers take a 6-8 week break every year to prevent undetected microtraumas from developing into serious injuries. Both my kids tried getting by with a couple 3-4 week breaks each year and they came back stronger each time. However, things still developed over the years that caused them to be shut down for a few months and undergo physical therapy. For many, taking a break is a case of "You can pay me now or you can pay me later."

 

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If you?re not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.

If you want them to be kids, then let them play 5-7 months/yr MAX, no private hitting coach, no personal trainer, and pick a team that is 5 minutes away.Check you reality???how does it match with your childhood 20+ years ago?

Let me guess, you would prefer that every kid gets a trophy, that no team wins and no team loses, and that both teams sing Kumbaya after the game.

 

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29dad - sorry you couldn't be further from the truth. You making that assumption makes me believe even more that parents have lost touch.

My belief is that second place is the first loser and participation trophies only further water down the competitive spirit. My oldest one played Division 1 VB in college. I have 4 daughters and all have played travel volleyball, travel softball, some have danced, some have played BB, some have been involved in 4H, etc..... I am posting at this crazy hour because my youngest has a softball tournament and I have to coach a HS team in the indoor league today (and the 4H roosters are crowing!). None of them have specialized coaches for hitting, speed, etc, and all of them were involved in multiple activities.

I expect them to work hard and earn everything.

My point is just let them play without all the extras, let them play multiple sports, and keep each sport/activity in check and in a finite time frame so your DD can be well rounded and avoid overuse injuries.

Sammy - please stop perpetuating the myth that there is "a LOT of funding available"; it's just not true, especially for softball which is NOT a "head count" sport like VB & BB. This single myth alone has created the "psycho parent" syndrome we have to deal with today. Parents - read about the difference between "head count" and "equivalency" sports. Understand that not all programs are "fully funded" to even offer the NCAA allotted scholarships. Educate yourselves.

I would be curious to know how many parents provide their kids personal tutors so they can excel in school. Not tutors because your kid is struggling, but tutors for straight A students to make them better. Parents take their great athletes and get them training to make them super athletes. How many parents have spent $500 or more for their kids to improve their ACT scores by a couple points. There is "a LOT of funding available" for academics. At least 10X and maybe 100X more than athletics. And face reality, as the NCAA commercial goes...."going pro in something other than sports".

Parents just need to take off those silly rose colored glasses.......and no they don't look good on you

 

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Why did my kids start playing sports?
I loved watching them and cheering for them, have rolls of 8mm to prove that.
as a dad, sports was something I could related with my DD's.
I asked my girls, do you want to cheer for someone or have others cheer for you? None of them cheered (thank GOD).

Why do they play college ball?
good grades and athletics = acceptance to postgraduate degree of their choice in school. One day when my DD opens her practice her office will be in her alma mater colors. Becoming a professional.
Also, they love competing.

in the end, I am glad my kids played sports and we were active parents because. I had a chance to spend to spend quality time with my girls.

Fortunately for me I didn't have to spend extra money to bring my kids ACT scores up. I believe majority of parents have realistic views in why their kids participate in sports and its not for scholarship money. If it had been for athletic money my DD would be playing GOLF and they would be successful since my kids are half-Korean.:lmao: LPGA.

I am rambling OCD. I did let my kids be kids.

 

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Another way of looking at it is-
Hypothetically, if there were no scholarships available to play sports in college, and if it were merely an extracurricular activity that would, say enhance her chances of college admission-would your DD be playing softball at this level today? Would there be the swing coaches, the travel expenses, etc.? I personally do not believe my DD will receive a scholarship to play ball in college, perhaps she will be lucky enough to walk on and play a few seasons, but the reasons that many girls have to participate in sports at this age, rather than hang out at malls, party all night, follow boys around, etc, and the poignant yet true reasons that Mmich listed as irreplaceable byproducts of the father daughter bonding make any monetary or temporal "sacrifice" worth it. IMHO...

 

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A strong case for hiring a personal skills trainer for your "college aspiring athlete"...

[video=youtube_share;FjTQV6CjAPE]http://youtu.be/FjTQV6CjAPE[/video]

 

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Sammy - please stop perpetuating the myth that there is "a LOT of funding available"; it's just not true, especially for softball which is NOT a "head count" sport like VB & BB. This single myth alone has created the "psycho parent" syndrome we have to deal with today. Parents - read about the difference between "head count" and "equivalency" sports. Understand that not all programs are "fully funded" to even offer the NCAA allotted scholarships. Educate yourselves.

I would be curious to know how many parents provide their kids personal tutors so they can excel in school. Not tutors because your kid is struggling, but tutors for straight A students to make them better. Parents take their great athletes and get them training to make them super athletes. How many parents have spent $500 or more for their kids to improve their ACT scores by a couple points. There is "a LOT of funding available" for academics. At least 10X and maybe 100X more than athletics. And face reality, as the NCAA commercial goes...."going pro in something other than sports".

You're preaching to the choir about head-count sports, available scholarships, fully funded, etc. Yes, I've been through all that, and know very well that few DI softball programs have all their allotted scholarships fully funded. I stand by my statement that "there is a LOT of funding available for qualified female athletes". AND - I guarantee you that by not preparing, you will create a self-fulfilling prophecy - as in "You'll miss every shot you DON'T take".

As for tutors - ask any teacher in a "well funded" college prep high school how many honor students use tutoring services to "be the best they can be". I'm not talking about athletes either. These are kids striving for top academic schools - Ivy League, MIT, etc. In the end, learning HOW to prepare, and the importance of preparing, are life skills that put kids on top, and help them to become self-sustaining adults. In my world, there is nothing "psycho" about that, but quite the opposite. It's about working smarter, not harder.

 

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Sammy, that is hilarious. the video, not the post:lmao:

 

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Once again Sammy proves why he is my hero