If the coach is asking you for an "early" declaration of intentions, turn it back on them "Coach, if I return, will you guarantee me starting at 3rd base (catcher, batting cleanup...)?". Very few will. It's a one way street - the player has to commit, but the coach never does.
Lou you say this as if this would be out of the ordinary or unexpected, but I have had this exact same scenario happen more than you think. This year we had a great kid with a great family who we really wanted to come back for next season. We gave her a deadline for her decision and she put it directly back on us... "I would like to come back" (is what she said to us), but it was in a capacity that SHE thoughtfully laid out (not the parents). Unfortunately for us, the way our team was structured we could not honor that request and so she made a decision to move on. At the end of the day I still love that kid and remain friends with her parents. Maybe 2 yrs from now our team is a perfect fit for her... who knows??? No more than 3 days after that I was on my way to Columbus to work a kid out that we were VERY interested in. 15 min into the drive, the father called me and said I could still come down, but his daughter had just got off the phone with the Beverly Bandits and had accepted their offer. No hard feelings and I turned my car around and came back home... just the cost of doing business. I think the kid had a great opportunity and she accepted it. The father and I agreed to stay in contact and we have. Finally, 2 weeks after that I got an email from a dad looking for a spot for his kid. I know a little about the team she played for and her resume was impressive. My team was full, but I called the coach of one of my competitors and put dad and the coach in touch.
For whatever reasons I think there is this belief that ALL coaches are cut-throat and treat kids and families like property, but I just don't see it that way. Of course there are coaches who operate this way, but there are also players, parents, umps, org leaders, etc... who also are questionable people. At the end of the day I think the majority of coaches are good people who give a lot to the game and just want to put together a competitive team of good kids and good families without drama. As this game (and amateur athletics in general) become more and more competitive by the year, the path to putting that very talented but drama-free team becomes narrower by the day. We lose our teams if we're stagnant, but judged if we make offers too early (both travel and college programs). The reality is as long as there are less D1 athletic scholarships than there are players that want them, and less game-changing type players than there are college/travel programs that need them, we are never going to see people stop upping the ante to compete for limited resources. We can always regulate more, but if it hasn't always worked that well in other segments of our society I'm not sure why we expect it to work in softball... there are those that will always find a way around the rules. Instead my best advice would be to look for a manager/coach who will communicate to you in a way you feel comfortable with and conducts team business in a way you find acceptable. There is nothing wrong at all with your suggestion of how to handle coaches putting on the pressure, although I would never recommend asking to be guaranteed starting time. Ask questions and get answers before making decisions... that much you can control. In terms of asking families and athletic programs to dampen their competitiveness for what they perceive as "the best?"... Good luck!
