Is this normal for travel ball?

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This is our first year in travel ball (10u) after many years of rec ball. We've been a little disheartened by the coaches' actions lately. He yells constantly at the girls, tells them (during tournaments while they're on the field playing) that the other team is laughing at them, tells them that he chose players this year that wanted to play ball instead of choosing girls with talent, tells them that the ONLY reason to play travel ball is to win, and has even yelled at a couple of the parents (during a game). A mom from another team even came up to a couple of the parents and asked them why they are letting their daughters play for him after she witnessed him yelling at the girls during a game.

I'm all for winning and doing their best, but at 10u shouldn't it be at least a little bit of fun for the girls and also shouldn't it be about learning the fundamentals and being encouraged (and taught) to do better? Is berating them really the only way to get them to improve their game?

 

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This is our first year in travel ball (10u) after many years of rec ball. We've been a little disheartened by the coaches' actions lately. He yells constantly at the girls, tells them (during tournaments while they're on the field playing) that the other team is laughing at them, tells them that he chose players this year that wanted to play ball instead of choosing girls with talent, tells them that the ONLY reason to play travel ball is to win, and has even yelled at a couple of the parents (during a game). A mom from another team even came up to a couple of the parents and asked them why they are letting their daughters play for him after she witnessed him yelling at the girls during a game.

I'm all for winning and doing their best, but at 10u shouldn't it be at least a little bit of fun for the girls and also shouldn't it be about learning the fundamentals and being encouraged (and taught) to do better? Is berating them really the only way to get them to improve their game?

If he is 'yelling' instructions, that is probably not a bad thing. If he is being abusive, that is a way different story. If you or your daughter are uncomfortable with it, finish out the year and look elsewhere next year.
You might also ask to talk to him. Sometimes us men don't know our tone is being taken poorly. I've had my fellow coaches tell me to lighten up on the tone a few times. A little intervention if done with tact can be very beneficial to all parties. Our coaches we have now, since I took a seat in the stands, never even raise their voices and get the job done. All the more reason I am glad I am in the stands.

 

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Yelling, screaming, berating and belittling really says more about the individual coach's personality and ego than anything else. And, usually, the louder they yell the more they are trying to cover up for their own shortcomings.

Back when I coached, I wanted my players to be focused, relaxed and confident. Does anyone really think that screaming at your players accomplishes that? Does this kind of behavior enourage a kid to want to stick with the game, or leave it behind? Does it really teach them anything (other than that the coach is an idiot)?

Would you accept this behavior from any other role model or authority figure in your child's life, such as a school teacher or childcare provider? Would you as an adult like to be spoken to like that?

I think that the fact that you are apparently upset by this and questioning it answers most of those questions. No, I would not say that this is the norm in travel ball, nor is it a good method of teaching kids the game. But I do see it from time to time and it kind of makes me cringe.

 

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Yelling, screaming, berating and belittling really says more about the individual coach's personality and ego than anything else. And, usually, the louder they yell the more they are trying to cover up for their own shortcomings.

Back when I coached, I wanted my players to be focused, relaxed and confident. Does anyone really think that screaming at your players accomplishes that? Does this kind of behavior enourage a kid to want to stick with the game, or leave it behind? Does it really teach them anything (other than that the coach is an idiot)?

Would you accept this behavior from any other role model or authority figure in your child's life, such as a school teacher or childcare provider? Would you as an adult like to be spoken to like that?

I think that the fact that you are apparently upset by this and questioning it answers most of those questions. No, I would not say that this is the norm in travel ball, nor is it a good method of teaching kids the game. But I do see it from time to time and it kind of makes me cringe.

Tell us what you really think Bretman! I was trying to give the guy a chance at some redemption. Bottom line is if you are not comfortable, it probably isn't right.

 

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Well said!!

Yelling, screaming, berating and belittling really says more about the individual coach's personality and ego than anything else. And, usually, the louder they yell the more they are trying to cover up for their own shortcomings.

Back when I coached, I wanted my players to be focused, relaxed and confident. Does anyone really think that screaming at your players accomplishes that? Does this kind of behavior enourage a kid to want to stick with the game, or leave it behind? Does it really teach them anything (other than that the coach is an idiot)?

Would you accept this behavior from any other role model or authority figure in your child's life, such as a school teacher or childcare provider? Would you as an adult like to be spoken to like that?

I think that the fact that you are apparently upset by this and questioning it answers most of those questions. No, I would not say that this is the norm in travel ball, nor is it a good method of teaching kids the game. But I do see it from time to time and it kind of makes me cringe.

 

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Well done, Bretman. Our most important jobs as coaches, especially at 10U, is to teach and to help the girls develop a lifelong love of the sport. ANY coach who yells and demeans 10U girls should be replaced, period.

 

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Bretman put it best.

You and your DD deserve more. Who signs up for the "Yell at me and berate me" class let alone pays for it and then some?

It should always be fun. The sanctioning bodies have rules that cover conduct. They should have rules against the jackwagons too...

 

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Tell us what you really think Bretman! I was trying to give the guy a chance at some redemption. Bottom line is if you are not comfortable, it probably isn't right.

You did try to distinguish "being loud" from "being obnoxious" and I get that. I could be quite loud as a coach!

But there is a big difference between (both delivered at full volume)...

"Cindy, you need to back up those throws!"

or...

"Cindy, what the heck are you thinking! If you can't back up a throw I'm going to yank you from the game and find somebody who can! We're losing this game and it's your fault!"

 

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When I was growing up I had 1 coach who we all respected and loved and he didn't have to say too much but when he spoke, we listened. I also had a coach who yelled and screamed and seemed to like to pick at everything we did. As soon as he started yelling, I tuned him out and couldn't tell you what he was saying.
The more you scream, the less they listen....I know, I've been there. If you spend the whole game tearing them down than don't expect them to produce for you! Although there is a difference between being loud and yelling at someone.
At 10u, yelling is only going to make them want to quit whereas we should be making them love the game. It's not about winning at 10u, it's about developing players and developing a love for the game. They are just little still.

 

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When I was growing up I had 1 coach who we all respected and loved and he didn't have to say too much but when he spoke, we listened. I also had a coach who yelled and screamed and seemed to like to pick at everything we did. As soon as he started yelling, I tuned him out and couldn't tell you what he was saying.
The more you scream, the less they listen....I know, I've been there. If you spend the whole game tearing them down than don't expect them to produce for you! Although there is a difference between being loud and yelling at someone.
At 10u, yelling is only going to make them want to quit whereas we should be making them love the game. It's not about winning at 10u, it's about developing players and developing a love for the game. They are just little still.

You and Bretman have said it well. My dd had a coach when she was young whoes stated goal was to develop 10 future coaches, while my goal as a parent (back then) was to see them win .... looking back now, he was so right and I was a potato head. The winning has come over the years, and it is partly due to some talent that gradually developed, and mostly due to girls that love being on the field together, and playing ball. It is so amazing what a positive mental attitude, enthusiasm, and trust in each other can do for a team and the indivduals collectively, especially over time.

 

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This is typical behavior for a coach who thinks he is coaching a bunch of boys. He is also clueless about really how to be a coach.

I would be watching coaches from other teams so that you have a good idea of who to try-out for in August.

 

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Yelling, screaming, berating and belittling really says more about the individual coach's personality and ego than anything else. And, usually, the louder they yell the more they are trying to cover up for their shortcomings.

This describes the coach to a tee!! Thank you all so much for your responses!

He has been talked to by several of the parents already (one whose daughter told her she wanted to be done playing ball all together because of this coach) and he tells them that he's teaching them responsibility and defends his behavior and tells the girls that he knows it's not them complaining and that it's the parents. He preaches to the parents and the kids that he knows the game of softball better than anyone else and would challenge anyone who said they know it better than him!

Lately the majority of the girls have really regressed in their game and have been doing very poorly and they look totally defeated. Some of the parents think it's just their child but I'm pretty sure it's because they've been beaten down emotionally. It breaks my heart to see girls at this age wanting to quit the game entirely because of how this year has gone.

And yes, we are definitely coach/team shopping for tryouts!

 

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Run, don't walk to the nearest exit and find a better coach to mentor your daughter. Guys like described never seem to get it, think they know everything, and carry an abusive way of doing things normally stemming from issues that are too complex for a normal person to help them with. Life is too short to tolerate a guy like this when other options are available.

I hate the person that watches a game and thinks they have the tools to be an "all that" coach with years of experience. Get a clue, get a job, or better yet, get educated on how to coach before assuming a roll as a mentor.

 

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Well come on, at 10U his next goal for them is a World Cup Championship.... Run away as fast as you can. Bret put it better than anyone could have. This is Not just 10 years old too...

The same rules apply all the way through 18 years old in my mind. They play better because they love to play, not because a Jarhead berates them.

 

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I learned this lesson a few years ago coaching my DD's, if girls are happy, they will play well in contrast, if boys play well, they will be happy. Coaching my DD's as my coaches coached me when I was their age, just doesn't work. At 10u, you almost have to 'trick' them into developing the skills they need. One year I couldn't get my 4th grade team to swing the bat hard at the ball, they were too worried about making contact. Solution? Fill up a big cooler of ice cold water balloons on a hot day, break them out for warm ups right before the game, every one of them swung their guts out trying to get me wet after 'pitching' the balloons to them...it is a foreign concept to most of us men, but those of us that are open minded enough to learn and accept it, are the coaches that have the great teams later on...

 

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This guy has taken it a step to far. Anyone that claims to know it all; doesn't.

I once was at a NFCA seminar and Donna Newberry was in the audience taking notes. (She didn't quite have her 900 wins and she had something to learn)

 

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Well done, Bretman. Our most important jobs as coaches, especially at 10U, is to teach and to help the girls develop a lifelong love of the sport. ANY coach who yells and demeans 10U girls should be replaced, period.

+1

At 10U especially. There is a place for "straight talk," not saying something is OK when it's not, or the like... but at the end of the day the purpose of 10U isn't collecting hardware - it's making it so the girls want to play again.

That said - I don't even yell at my 14s. Of course, yelling isn't my style anyway, but for me it's a matter of "credibility" and trying to foster a culture where the girls want to play for me (Don't mean that to sound the way it might... it's not about "me." I just don't know any other way to say what I mean). I've always found I get much more our of people if I simply talk to them straight, even firmly, but calmly and with a healthy degree of respect for my audience.

 

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This describes the coach to a tee!! Thank you all so much for your responses!

He has been talked to by several of the parents already (one whose daughter told her she wanted to be done playing ball all together because of this coach) and he tells them that he's teaching them responsibility and defends his behavior and tells the girls that he knows it's not them complaining and that it's the parents. He preaches to the parents and the kids that he knows the game of softball better than anyone else and would challenge anyone who said they know it better than him!

Lately the majority of the girls have really regressed in their game and have been doing very poorly and they look totally defeated. Some of the parents think it's just their child but I'm pretty sure it's because they've been beaten down emotionally. It breaks my heart to see girls at this age wanting to quit the game entirely because of how this year has gone.

And yes, we are definitely coach/team shopping for tryouts!

I know a coach like this...very sad to see it when it happens. They are not college kids. For me...I have 12 conversations goin on in my head at one time...the one that is spoken is the final outcome of it. Sometimes I have to go talk to them individually to make sure I don't "classify" them all as the same. I have yelled...and apologized too. As we mature at our level, we have nearly eliminated yelling. Hard to do. Progress and willingness to recognize these weaknesses are just as important as seeing a weak spot in our defense. I'm still living this each and every tournament and our team has been very receptive of working through all stumbling blocks. Fun to look back and reminisce about how far we gave come as a group.

 

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Being a parent of a 16U, I have a theory about this "coach" of 10U. He is so nervous about coaching as well (probably his first time). While this is no excuse-He will learn more and hopefully get better as he grows with the ages if he has any girls left :lmao:

Not saying every coach, but a lot of newbies think this way-that they know everything. I mean you hit the ball and run to first base-how hard can it be to coach that? They eventually grow up and learn the ages of their players and coach to their abilities. A good coach will know the personalities of all their players and communicate based on that. My DD likes a strict coach. As she puts it, the "kumbiya" coaches need not approach her. Other girls like the nice coach.

Your coach needs to learn about coaching. Maybe he should get what he is giving to these girls. Remember to ask your DD for input. At this age she may be fine, but it is hard to hear anything negative towards your children. I wanted my DD off a team for this, but she said that she should have been yelled at-she messed up. JMHO.

 

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What makes me those most sad is that we loved all the parents & the kids on this team but we will not be with them next season (though I know that several of the kids are not going to be trying out for this team). The girls all are talented and could have really grown together. When DD tried out for the team, we had every intention on keeping her on this team if it would have turned out like we thought it would. We do plan on going to the head of the organization and to the grievance committee. One parent talked to the head of the organization and was told they had the same kind of complaints about the coach last year (and there was only one returning player from last year) so why they kept him is beyond me.