Whats the number one thing as a parent you would have done differently in your daughter softball car

[WeAskYou]

If you could change anything about the choices you made for your daughter during her softball career. What would be the number one thing as a parent you would have done differently?

Maybe this thread will help new parents, when facing small or big choices during DD softball career.

 

[24GahannaLadyLions7]

Still new only having a second year 12, but messed up at 9U with my second dd....

At the initial parent meeting (make sure there is one, not for 5 minutes behind a backstop) that it is clearly expressed the

1. coaching philosophy
2. how many they are carrying, what happens if a stud comes along, will they carry more
3. When will tournaments be set in stone
4. Role of each coach, so you know it and unfortunately sometimes, they know it
5. Fundraising efforts
6. Plans on Nationals
7. Practice schedules and how many times a week they will meet
8. Consequences on missing a practice or a game - so we are all on the same page
9. Community service opportunities/ideas, giving back to the community
10. There is more but

 

[coachtomv]

Good one. The first thought from many is all the negatives that come from all this, bad parents, coaches, not playing where you think she should play, poor organizations, wasted money and time, etc.

But, for us its what made my kid a better person and player, made me a better coach with much more perspective.

We learned when to stick out a situation and when to cut your losses and move on. We learned to be confident in what your doing and are capable of, so as to not be worried about moving on to surround your self with the right minded people. You have to be able to self evaluate as well and we definitely learned that.

So to answer the question, "What would be the number one thing as a parent you would have done differently?", for us. It would be to trust your instincts, be confident in your approach and plan for your daughter and do not waste time with people that just are not aligned. Way too many negative, under performing people in the game that drive some situations, but far more good talented people. So find those people and success/love of the game will follow, no matter what the jersey says on it.

We are blessed in that we think we have found that today and have new found love of the game and the process.

Good post, thanks.

 

[b lesh]

Not wait until her sophomore year in high school to switch to left handed. If you DD has above average speed get them on the left side.

 

[Creek01]

1. Learn to relax. I'm still working on this one.... An 0-3 at 10u isn't the end of the world.
2. Train your kid at multiple positions. That means find a coach that will develop your dd at multiple positions. If your dd is a middle infielder then train her as an outfielder as well. There's only 1 kid playing ss but there is 3 playing OF!
3. Buy a camper!!!! Wish we would have done this at 10u.

 

[BBD04]

With middle daughter. I would of had her play for a better organization at 12/13. Than waiting till 15. By then it was to late. Also would of had her play more outfield. She played short 90% of time. When went to college she became a outfielder. We spent all fall hitting balls to outfield so she could learn to track balls and footwork.

 

[bigdaddyo1972]

I would have gotten her a pitching and hitting coach MUCH sooner.

 

[mike_dyer]

I would have never signed her up for a "travel" or a "select" team or whatever you choose to call it. It's a total waste of time and money.

Tens of thousands of dollars later she's 0.00% better at it than she would have been not playing all summer long and all over the place.

 

[tjsmize3]

This is my second time through travel ball. These were some lessons learned the hard way!

1. Do your best as early as possible to get her playing for an organization that will routinely play against the best teams available.

2. Mom/Dad does not = batting coach/pitching coach so stop doing this beyond the age of 8 or 9 yrs old. You get to 100% control who coaches your DD so choose wisely for her. Look for someone who has played at the highest level, taught people who have played at the highest level, or BOTH!!! Sure, you get to reinforce the lessons at home when you practice, but you are NOT THE COACH!

3. Thou shalt NOT discuss a failure without first having discussed two successes... and whenever possible finish your discussion with a positive point. Gamers just want to chase the rabbit. It takes a lot of effort to break a gamer, but if you spend enough time shaming them and focusing on negative results it can be done. I know... I have been way to close to that territory before and to this day find it challenging (at times) to follow my own advice. Failure is nothing more than an opportunity to learn. That's not a cop out. It's been spoken from the mouths of many, many champions.

 

[CARDS]

I would have never signed her up for a "travel" or a "select" team or whatever you choose to call it. It's a total waste of time and money.

Tens of thousands of dollars later she's 0.00% better at it than she would have been not playing all summer long and all over the place.

You must have been on the wrong teams or the right team for ability with bad coaching and wrong tournaments...

I have met zero 000000 ladies that are perennial high school/college all star or NPF material from birth...Playing top competition is what gets them there.

Now I do agree, you do not need to be a stud to play college ball and honestly most high level travel/select teams at 16/18u match up very well with most college programs but if a lady wants to get better they need to be challenged by their teammates, coaches and opponents...(You know that from wrestling)

Beating teams from Aunt Millie's corn festival is nowhere near the same as playing ASA/USA or some other PGF events for the ladies that have talent. Now there are those teams that trophy hunt so I would recommend to stay away from these type of teams because like Mike said, you get little out of the experience of playing ladies with less talent or coaching at these smaller or rec. all star events.

As far as what would I have done different....I would not have tried to change my DDs personality...She was a very talented athlete that did work hard but, I did not see that lack of compassion you sometimes need to be at the top. In the end it created some friction in the family and with her and as hard as I pushed she never got that dominate instinct (on the softball field anyway) and was content being who she was.
She still received multiple awards and college offers doing it her way...

 

[FastBat]

As a parent, just know that you are going to make mistakes, but try to learn from them. Also, no one is perfect. Just hope and pray your dd will understand that when she gets older! I think no matter what you do, your goal should be for your dd to love, respect, and want to spend time with you when she older (over 18 years old). If she does, you didn't make any mistakes.

 

[default]

#1 As a parent you do have a wide variety of choices for teams/coaches for your athlete. Do your homework, listen to the good and the bad about the organization and coaching. Remember all that glitters isn't always GOLD.

#2 A team should be chosen based on dd, what level of softball is she ready for, looking for. Not based on what mom/dad want to brag about

The following is from Tom Schmeiser's post.

His #2 is GREAT point.



2. Mom/Dad does not = batting coach/pitching coach so stop doing this beyond the age of 8 or 9 yrs old. You get to 100% control who coaches your DD so choose wisely for her. Look for someone who has played at the highest level, taught people who have played at the highest level, or BOTH!!! Sure, you get to reinforce the lessons at home when you practice, but you are NOT THE COACH!

His #3 is a lesson all parents need to learn. As my wife and myself coach a team with our daughter on it, this lesson was learned. We don't talk about game or games until DD brings it up. When she's ready. I've witness "Suzy" getting chewed on by parents on the way to the car for not batting .750 fielding 1.000. A little exaggerated but we've all seen it. Nothing good comes out of that, nothing.


3. Thou shalt NOT discuss a failure without first having discussed two successes... and whenever possible finish your discussion with a positive point. Gamers just want to chase the rabbit. It takes a lot of effort to break a gamer, but if you spend enough time shaming them and focusing on negative results it can be done. I know... I have been way to close to that territory before and to this day find it challenging (at times) to follow my own advice. Failure is nothing more than an opportunity to learn. That's not a cop out. It's been spoken from the mouths of many, many champions.

Ed Cox
Steel City Cyclones 03

 

[mike_dyer]

You must have been on the wrong teams or the right team for ability with bad coaching and wrong tournaments...

I understand that reality isn't everyone's thing. It's mine though.

Just some basic math.

When I take her to the field she can field 100 ground balls and hit 6 or 8 buckets in an hour. That probably costs about $1.25 in gas and takes 90 minutes of our lives.

When I take her 8 hours from home to play she gets 20 - 30 at bats and fields 30 balls if she's lucky. That takes 3 days and costs $500.00.

She got 0.00% better playing select ball.

Period.

 

[Sweetpea]

From a coaching/training standpoint I would have made sure she hit from the left side from day one and I would have avoided talking about balls and strikes until she was 12. I would have just focused on crushing any pitch that looked good.

From a dad standpoint I would have taken 10u - 12u softball a whole lot less seriously and enjoyed the ride a little more! I'm guessing I'm not the only dad with this regret.

 

[heater]

Not wait until her sophomore year in high school to switch to left handed. If you DD has above average speed get them on the left side.

Guilty but still we are glad we did it!

 

[cobb_of_fury]

I understand that reality isn't everyone's thing. It's mine though.

Just some basic math.

When I take her to the field she can field 100 ground balls and hit 6 or 8 buckets in an hour. That probably costs about $1.25 in gas and takes 90 minutes of our lives.

When I take her 8 hours from home to play she gets 20 - 30 at bats and fields 30 balls if she's lucky. That takes 3 days and costs $500.00.

She got 0.00% better playing select ball.

Period.

There is wisdom in this - If the Girl is talented and you are able to foster that - What's the point of all that money spent on all that travel. - I would not go so far as to play no Travel ball because some things you only learn in the game but I would opt for a local or regional schedule. For those who say "Yea but you need to play better competition" There are enough very good teams in tournaments within an hour or two of your house to keep them sharp.

And Yes- having one of those prestigious logos on your shirt probably opens the door a little wider but its what SHE can do on the field that gets her in.

Also if a girl - No matter her talent level, wants to go to a local D2 or D3 (and this is the case for a lot of girls for a lot of reasons) you do not have to attend tournaments in Colorado, Texas and Florida to be seen - Just talk to the coaches and attend their camps.

The bottom line College coaches have a need and if your DD can fill it - that's all they care about.

Caveat: I agree with WOW it's about the ride - if you have the money and want to travel - It's a great family time and certainly won't hurt your daughter -
BUT... DO NOT ASSUME that because you paid to join one of those prestige organization and traveled across the world to play that that will be a guarantee for a DI scholarship -

Bottom line look at what works for your daughter and your family and take advantage of all opportunities but do not look for a return on investment other than in memories and time shared

 

[MD 20/20]

I managed the younger DD's team from 9-13, at that point, she knew she did not have any interest in College softball, so she stopped traveling. At a very young age, she showed a ton of God-given talent, and was not afraid to work hard. I believe I pushed my own thoughts of playing, ability, etc. (from the thoughts of a grown man) on her. I told her many times, and it's true. She had more talent in her hand than I had in my body. I was a decent player, but had to work very hard for all that I did. It would have been much easier and I could have gone much further with her talent. I tried to walk-on to a D1 baseball team, and made it much further than I thought I would have. I would have done anything to play college ball, so looking at my DD and her ability at a young age, I thought it would be a done deal. So in some way, and she says no to this notion, I feel like MY interest in playing college baseball, pushed onto her, and perhaps pushing her harder than I should, pushed her AWAY from the game. She is a sophomore and a nice player, and an even better kid. In the end, she is a great kid, a great student, and shes as good in softball as SHE wants to be. If it's good enough for her, it has to be good enough for me.

So as advise to the young parent/coach.....If you don't know what your doing....Educate yourself, or get out of the dugout. To the parent/coach that knows what your doing.......Treat your daughter like any other member of the team. This is the difficult part......Do NOT talk team/game/practice stuff outside of those times. You don't follow the other players home and tell them what they did wrong, why do it to your daughter?

 

[wow]

I understand that reality isn't everyone's thing. It's mine though.

Just some basic math.

When I take her to the field she can field 100 ground balls and hit 6 or 8 buckets in an hour. That probably costs about $1.25 in gas and takes 90 minutes of our lives.

When I take her 8 hours from home to play she gets 20 - 30 at bats and fields 30 balls if she's lucky. That takes 3 days and costs $500.00.

She got 0.00% better playing select ball.

Period.

You play for the experience first and foremost. No one has EVER claimed this travel thing a "good investment" If we all looked at it from a dollar and cents POV you are correct its a losing proposition. If money is a driving factor of club level ball you should walk away now. Unless there is a true " Full Ride" I don't think any family comes out ahead in a $ standpoint. If the average travel season is $5000-$10,000 depending on schedule, you could put that money in a mattress and after 5 years have $20,000 on the end and upwards of $50,000 on the high end. Invest at 3% compounded over that same time, more like $30-$60K. Do it during the last 3 months in say stocker symbol FAS, or BAC or JPM and you're up double that! Or you can roll to the JACK and pick red or black and double right up! Point is no one got in this dance because it was financially sound! You play at the highest level you can afford and expect nothing but a great experience, which someday yr DD thanks you for!

 

[Hilliarddad3]

I wish I started teaching a youth coaching class sooner, as I was one of those A##es out there. Once certified and I stated teaching it to other coaches, it made the game a complete different look for me and helped me relax and watching all the girls on both teams enjoying the game.... Someone stated above d-2 and D-3 you don't need to go all over to play there, most can.... But, numbers show only 1 in 100,000 kids playing sports get a true full ride, 1 in a million go pro..... Chasing the brass ring keeps you from focusing on what truly matters, your kid enjoying the game and commeraderie and growing to be a great person for the future......

oh yeah one other thing, don't miss your daughters Senior night, even for work, you will never live it down if you went to the other ones..........

 

[wow]

I wish I started teaching a youth coaching class sooner, as I was one of those A##es out there. ..........

At one point or another we were all the A@$%^ out there!