I have some Problems!! please help with some suggestions

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I have Several problems and wanted to get some input from those that know more than me!! (I am a manager for 12U county girls fast pitch softball , it is my first time as manager and i was an assistant before for fall ball season. . I am sort of the New kid on the Block and I want to be able to continually coaching, so I try my best not to make a rift of cause any problems!!) me and my other coach have worked really hard with our girls and brought them along way. My problems are as follows: i am now having payers complain about being in the outfield or other places ( saying its boring or why do I have to play here) and it kinda effecting other players! also i have several parents that are complaing that i am Not switching out players and they keep questioning and second guessing me about it and it is getting to be a problem for me. i am adimate about NOT leaving inexperienced girls strictly in the outfield!!! i usually swap out with ShortStop, even the girl that has the least amount of knowledge has played a few innings at SS,. we usually end up playing 4 innings with a 5 run limit for 1st 3, so i usually swap out SS the 1st 3 innings. And i keep my Best players at the bases they play the Best. Parents are questioning why the other girls are Not getting swapped out?? plus i see several parents talking and pointing from the Stands,, and i get the feeling that they are nit picking All of my decisions, and it is taking a toll on me and my other coach!! on 1 hand i feel like taking all my less experienced and put them on all the bases and take my best players and put them in the outfield!! (thinking this will show the parents and players that we do know what we are doing). But I do not want to lose a game to a Stupid reason, such as just to prove a point!! Our girls have worked to hard to get where they are!! We have came very close to winning against the best team in our league. I want to show them that they can win!! I want them to have that feeling of being the best that can be and the feeling of Beating the Best team,( there is no feeling like that) and I want them to have that!! I feel that I am between a rock and a hard spot, with the parents and the players!! I have been told from many parents and several Umpires that they are happy with what and how im doing things. Any help or Advise yall can give me , would be Greatly Appreciated!! Thank You!! CoachDJ

 

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Get use to it!!!! It ****s but as long as kids have parents it will be this way!!lol

 

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Most of the coaches I know that got out of coaching did so because of the parents....at the younger ages it tends to be worse because often you find that kids are coming out of rec and still have rec mentality that everyone should get equal playing time.

You will find that no matter what you do, you just cannot make some parents happy. Some parents are "dividers" and like to question the coach and stir the pot and try to divide the team- if this is not nipped in the bud, it can be a long season and may end up causing turnover at the end of the season. If its one parent that appears to be the ring leader- have frank conversation with them and tell them that if it continues, they will be asked to leave the team.

 

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I hace coached rec league baseball and girls fastpitch softball since 2005. I am in my second year of coaching serious travel league for girls fastpitch softball in the 16 U division. What you just described is what every single coach and league manager that has ever coached youth league sports of any kind over the course of human history experiences every year. Unfortunately, in today's "everybody is a winner" and "everything is fair" mentality, which is a lie, it is even worse now. The only thing you can do is constantly be willing to learn from others, research youtube, stay calm, concise, stand your ground and expect to make some people mad and some people happy. 90% of the problems you will deal with will be caused by parents, not the players.

 

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As long as you put the best 9 in the positions which gives your team the best chance of winning the game, stand you ground! Once you give in to 1 parent you will loose control of your team. Take time in practice to give others a chance to learn positions but only after you give the starting 9 the lions share of practice to keep them sharp.

 

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I coached a rec league team for several years and picked up a few serious ball players along the way. Last season we got a new league director and our league went down hill. I lost every player that I had coached since they were 8U. I was really upset by this, and so were the parents of those few girls that were serious about playing and that i had coached for so long. The only thing I could think to do was to build a tournament team for this season so that we didnt have to deal with the same problem again this year. I pulled all the girls from the rec league that were interested and now we have built our own little all star team. We have chosen to play several local tournaments and one in Gatlinburg. My girls are so excited and we were able to weed out the girls and parents that dont really want to be a part of what we are trying to build. I know that these girls have never played tournament ball before but we are just going to jump out there and play some softball. I hope this helps.

 

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As long as you put the best 9 in the positions which gives your team the best chance of winning the game, stand you ground! Once you give in to 1 parent you will loose control of your team. Take time in practice to give others a chance to learn positions but only after you give the starting 9 the lions share of practice to keep them sharp.

I agree!
Also in the future...and you will be back for more! Parent meeting preseason addressing these issues and your whats and whys next time around. Also a players practice attendance sheet!
As for the now do what you believe is fair to the team based on your experiences for the level you coach. Yes you coach to win...but if you talk about winning and losing to much with parents and players it becomes the barometer of your teams performance and success! The effort and hard work in practice go out the window!

 

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Is it just me or does swapping out your shortstop every inning seem absurd ?.....They may not realize it at 12u, but outfield is a very,very important part of the game. I estimate that on quite a few teams the center fielder may be the most athletic player.
As a coach its your job to help them get better at a postion that suits them. Everyone is not an infielder.

You need t ostand your ground and coach, some may not like it and leave, but you need to get used to it.

 

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worry about the kids. are they learning and progressing? are they having fun? thats where i would leave my concern. forget the parents, most parents in my experience do not volunteer to coach, assist, run concession, ect. they sign their kid up to play and expect everyone else to do the work. ( almost sounds like a political statement. lol.) if parents were that concerned more would help. do your best and just worry about the kids.

 

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thank all of yall for the replies!!, 1 i try to swap out SS becuase the 2nd and 3rd can cover a less expeirenced girl at SS. I am probably the Only coach that is Not there to WIN, instead i try to teach more and tell them to Have FUN!! to me that is what our age group is about!! I might be wrong in this thinking, but that is why i do get so many compliments ,but also the reason i get so much Flack!! But dont get me wrong Iwant our Girls to know the Feeling that they can in, especially against our best in the League! i know they can do it ,they just need to know, and once they win he first one , i believe it will carry onto the rest of the season. I do my best to switch everyone around when and where i can. I even Sit out some of my better players that way im not just sitting out the girls who arent so good!( again not the smartest move, ut that way everyone gets swithced or sat) also i try to sit out my own daughter as much as i can( that way no-one can say she never sits) even though she is 1 of the better players! i know every coach deals with this, that is why i asked for the best ways to deal with it!! tonight is our next game and im still not sure the best order to put them in!!????? Like i said im the new kid and i want to continue coaching th girls so i am trying to appease everyone and that might be my downfall, i guess as long asi do the best by my girls i will be alright, buti dont want the UNHAPPY 1's complaining and ruining my future chances!! again i thought about moving Entire Outfield to Infield and vise- versus, just to prove my point about me knowing what is best, but i dont want them to suffer a humilating defeat!! what would yal do in my position?????!!!
thanks again for the help!!!

 

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they have IMPROVED tremendously!! even though some of my drills are off the wall!! but i am getting them from a site that caters to just drills for our age group! and they continue to improve every game, getting closer to the victory , that they So deserve, I guess im letting the parents and comments get to me, but im getting t the point where i dont care about the parents anymore, ONLY the Kids!!
i think my plan for tonight is, put them where they are Best suited and eplain that if they dnt like the position then the Bench would gladly take them and remind them that someone else would gladly play instead! i usually sit out the 1's that keep missing practice for non valid reasons. i just want them to be happy, have fun, learn and when possible WIN!!

 

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The great Casey Stengel said the key to being a successful manager is to keep the people who hate you away from the ones who are still undecided.

 

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I had to retire from managing due to my health. I kept going as long as I could, but I couldn't see being sick (I never had a DD on my teams) and listening to those parents anymore. The girls are awesome, but I was upset every night thinking about those few poor kids and how their parents act. It was definitely time for me to leave the game.

My first rule was that they had to wait 24 hours to talk to me if they were upset. That gives everyone a chance to calm down. The second rule was to not talk bad about the coach, other players, or other parents in front of your DD. Teach them respect and how to approach the coach themself to talk.

After going through the age brackets once-I decided to go back to 10U and then retired. I don't want to generalize that all parents are bad, but the few that were was ruining the game for their kids. Let them have fun, learn the game, make friends, stay out of trouble, and spend time with their parents.

Trust me it goes by way too fast. I wish my DD was still out in right field picking weeds. Those were good games.

 

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I even Sit out some of my better players that way im not just sitting out the girls who arent so good!

If your team is more than just the average community team, where the expectation of playing several positions is there, this is a huge mistake. What you'll find at the end of the year is that you will lose your better players in this scenario. Was that worth it?

There's a misconception among some of the community teams that move their players too much...under the premise of "fairness". IMO, expecting most players to play proficiently at any more than 2 positions (3 tops) is about the most unfair thing you can do to them. To play this game at a high level, or even to the best of your ability, requires confidence. Players cannot build that confidence in themselves or their teammates when their role changes too often. And the game is supposed to be fun, regardless of what level you're competing at. It's kinda tough to have fun playing the game if you're not confident at your position, and the team struggles as a result.

Take ANY position on the field and ponder all the different possibilities that player may have to endure with split-second decision making, which changes depending on how many outs there are, what bases are occupied, line-drive/fly ball/grounder, etc. Now multiply that x how many positions you're placing them at. Even your most talented players will struggle when they're out of position...and it's not their fault. ;&

By all means, work with them at their desired positions in practice to develop them as individual players. And within reason, look for opportunities to work them into games (build a lead makes it easy to take those chances). Every player should have that opportunity, but you cannot guarantee anything when it comes to positioning. Chemistry is huge in team sports, and it's decided by the players. It's just your job to realize it. Parents generally don't see all of this, so it's not really their place to make those types of decisions. It would definitely help to be able to explain your goals and intentions when asked by parents. Sometimes they assume things are permanent, when the situation is more fluid or temporary than they realize.

Anyway....sorry to go off on a tangent. Just thought I would throw out some things I've realized in the past. Best of luck to you and your team.

 

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I agree, Jeepman...It's hard enough to teach a twelve year old to be proficient at one or two positions. One lesson I learned is you can't let the tail wag the dog as far as parents and coaching are concerned. It only takes one unreasonable parent to create a vortex that pulls the whole team down and the problem usually stems from what they feel they are entitled to. Coaches have to look out for the best interest of eleven or twelve components that make up the whole and then they have the task of teaching the whole to work in harmony on the field. Some, not all, parents may only have one objective and that is their daughter. But it only takes one to create a domino affect.

A meeting for clarification may be in order to get everyone on the same page. If that can't happen, then I'll use the words of one of my own parents on how to address the situation. "It's time to chlorinate the pool."

 

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thanks again for all the advise, and i see where having them play to many positions would be detrimental to the learning curve. i dont really have them switch more than 1 position, i try to teach them to learn only 2 spots, that way if something happens to another player ,they can fill in( case in point tonight, my 2nd base slid home, and unfortunately did it incorrectly and she ended up with Hairline Fracture in back of her leg!! she is okay but she will be out on crutches for 6 to 8 weeks, which is rest of season) but because i did train more than 1 in a spot, other player was able to fill in for her!!
do yall only sit out your not so good players??? or will you sit out all to make it fair???also do youput your more inexpeirenced players oly in outfield???? and keep your best players infield and on bases they know the best????which is what i generally do,, and then that makes parents upset!!! i try to convey that i put them in the spot that will benefit the Team the Most. i spoke with parents and playersat the begining of season and had them all sign paper (coaches expectations and players expectations ) saying they will support ,they will understand that im coach and i do whats best for the team as a whole, but i guess they forgot this! it was a rough game tonight i had 3 players that no showed, without calling which left me with only 7 players, i borrowed 1 from another team,first 2 innings then i was able to pull another the 3rd, but we got demolished 4 to 11,( but we where playing the best team in the league!, i explained to them i was still proud of them, for playing as well as they did considering the position we where in with limited players!! and now with my 1 out for season, if anyone of them miss another game we will be short on players again!!i just figured i would give update on how it went tonight.. Thanks again for all the feedback, i really appreciate it!!

 

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Your decision should be easy for the next game. Sounds like you had 3 kids volunteer to sit...Just an FYI, If they were a no call no show, they don't care about you, their teammates, or the game.

 

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Tell your parent's complaining to come watch the 12u teams playing at a showcase tournament. They will see that outfield is just as important as any position. Also tell any parent complaining about your coaching that they should have volunteered their time to be a coach and then they can run the show.

 

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I believe it was mentioned already but I'd like to enforce the need to set solid ground rules in the beginning to help avoid those sleepless nights during the season and after. The term "users" is actually quite accurate in my opinion when referring to the parent list that believe they are owed something because they allowed their daughter to participate in the program. At the Rec level girls/families are still signing up. While money is being paid in many cases, there is still the "choice" made to be a part of the program. None of those parents have signed up to do your job. They made choices in life that made them unavailable. However, for whatever the reason, you have volunteered to fill a void and are instrumental in the development of the children of others and teaching life lessons they will remember forever--------both good and bad. The first thing you needed to do is get control of the families before ever allowing them a chance to think they have a right to tell you how to be a volunteer. It's hard to talk to grown-ups like this but is needed or your mental and physical health may be tested.

Explain at a family/team meeting that you are not entertaining the thoughts others have on how things should be done. If others wanted it done their way, they should have volunteered and made a full commitment to the entire season just as you have done. Explain you understand that everyone has an opinion but the head coach is the only opinion that matters during this season. You will make choices of positions and batting order solely by what you see of each and all the girls during practice and at games. You will be alert to watch for improvements that may result in opportunities for the girls to possibly play another position at times or be adjusted in the line up. While you'd like to thank everyone for feeling they are helping by offering their opinions, the season has started and no longer will have any effect on your decisions you'll make for the team from this point forward. Any coaching mistakes will be yours and not the result of being pressured into doing something you didn't want to do. Parents and players from this point forward are not to offer any points of interest except to communicate with the coaching staff about possible injuries or scheduling conflicts that could result in changes for obvious reasons. If the coaching staff wants to hear your opinion or needs help, you and/or the staff will approach them and initiate the conversation. Until then, keep your thoughts of how the team is being run to yourself. At some point, you will be allowed to discuss your feelings but only when the head coach and staff see the need and when they believe the time is right.

Players are expected to follow the leadership of the coaching staff. You will be expected to attend ALL practices and games and notify the coaching staff ahead of time of any reasons why you cannot fulfill your commitment. Each case will be evaluated on an individual basis and handled accordingly. This does not mean you'll be punished unless it is deemed needed. Explain any other team rules with the entire group.

Dismiss the kids and continue with your meeting with the parents. As the kids are leaving, hand them all a copy of a letter of the things being discussed in a sealed envelop with the parents name on the outside. Explain to everyone what the envelop is. Instruct the kids to give this letter to their respective parents after the practice or meeting. Add that each of them are now witness these letters exist and you saw them being handed out to all those in attendance. If anyone complains later----------well---------------I hope they get the point.

With the children gone, explain to the remaining parents that team rules and practices are not up for discussion or debate. This is necessary to insure things run smoothly and ask them to respect the way things are being handled. Assure them your plan is for the kids to have fun and learn. The experience shouldn't be for you to doubt why you ever volunteered to begin with. Let them know you are aware that some may be upset at times because they are not getting to do everything they want to do all the time. Remind them this is life as we know it and the sooner they accept things the easier it will be on everybody. Mention that while the game of Fastpitch offers many opportunities for a variety of girls with a wide range of talents, it still takes certain physical and mental elements to be able to play certain positions. A young lady's personality in some cases can help determine if she has what it takes to play certain positions on the field. As a head coach, you accept the responsibility to make these decisions. It is your choice to cross train girls for other positions that possibly suit their daughter. Ask them to leave you to make these choices and refrain from interacting. More importantly, ask them to support your choices both on and off the field. This will establish harmony with the team so ALL the girls can enjoy the season.

End the meeting abruptly and do not allow any questions or comments to be made. You don't want to open up to a public debate after finally taking the first steps to gain control. You are sending a message and setting the rules by doing so.

Above is a detailed account of how I have done things over the years after much trial and error. This works as well as any method I've ever tried. I believe it is you best opportunity to establish a reputation in your league and give you your best chance to be a successful Rec coach. I believe by your posts your intentions are exactly what our sport needs at this level. We need you to stick around for years to come.

Use my material to rewrite or change in any way that will benefit your situation. Make it into a letter and use my name to read to your group as reference material as to how others handle things. Explain you reached out for guidance and I responded with the material above. I don't mind at all. That's why I went into such detail in this post so you'd already have the hard stuff done for you. I hope this works out for you and any other new coaches out there that need the support to do the important stuff like coach.

If others want more, PM me and I can share more insight.

 

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Turn your rabbit ears off and nip it in the bud!!! Continue doing what is best for the team. The second you cave in and change things to appease the parents will be when the real hell starts.