leaving a team this late in the game??

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I think that only very extenuating circumstances could create a valid reason for someone leaving one team for another just prior to the start of the travel season. As a parent, you have the responsibility to have a very good understanding of who your daughter's coach is, what their philosophies are, and what their plans are for your daughter back in the fall before you ever commit to the team. If its important to you and your daughter as to who she is playing with and who their parents are, then its your responsibility to find out who is on the roster too. If I did my due diligence around all of this, and then found out just before the season started that I was lied to or that things have changed significantly (e.g., daughter was promised to be in the pitching rotation pitching every 2nd or 3rd game, and then found out she was not going to be a pitcher at all), then I would consider letting my daughter change teams. Its just hard for me to imagine this happening very often if I have done all of my homework and established some kind of relationship and understanding with the coach. We have been fortunate to have very open and honest coaches all through the years, and have not had to deal with it.

 

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well said coachjwb I agree and in our situation the player was with us for 4 years #1 pitcher so don't have a valid reason for leaving this late in the game except low morals.

 

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Senior 2007-- It breaks my heart to read things like this. I will be praying thay you and your mother can work to understand each other a little better and hopefully you and she can forgive one another!! Good Luck!!

 

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How do you keep from getting frustrated to the point of wanting to leave in that situation (false promises)? What's the solution? How do you approach a coach and express your concern and not further hinder your daughters chance of playing her requested position? It may not even be your daughter, you see it happen to other players and want to say something. And I'm talking about good players with none or very few error's, so talent is not the issue. If some of the more experienced coaches could reply, and maybe suggest how they would like to be approached if a player or parent has a concern about playing time or positions. How do you bring it up without the coach being offended?

 

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That really depends on the coach, their maturity level. Six years ago played on a tema where over 20 girls came and went during the season (1 leaving during nationals - went home early) partly because coach had promised same position to 3 girls at the same time, then would bring someone new in and promise them playing time. Couldn't talk to him at all. He would advertise for a position, saying player was injured when they weren't - just being benched for real or imagined reasons. If they are decent coach - they will listen and explain. Since that time - have had great coaches, selected their teams appropriately and everyone played - but you could always ask what you needed to work on.

 

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Our daughter was on a team and the coach was also the high school coach. The coach would let a certain player pitch all the time because she was from the same city where the coach coached for the high school. It was like the coach was getting her ready for high school and ignoring the other pitchers and players. Very unfair for the other pitchers that lived in another city. You cannot expect players to sit idly by, on the bench, on a hope that they may get a chance to pitch an inning or two. There are just situations that happen and are unknown until the season starts. It's like all of a sudden little Suzie gets all the pitching time and dad is at the right hand of the coach sucking up. And when the pitcher takes a break she is playing a position that she has no clue how to play and now our daughter is on the bench watching her make error after error. It affects all the players on the TEAM and they get frustrated. And then they move on. And the worst part is that it doesn't happen until all your fees are paid and your committed, then get a partial refund after wasting time. >

 

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If you are lucky enough to even get a refund at all!!!!!!!!!!

 

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fpflo, have witnessed your very situation this year , the team we faced in feb.. is not the same team now...the coach advertises for players looking for better ones than he already has because it is all about winning... he went out and told the team that he will continue to do so....no wonder parents and kids get a bad taste in there mouth.....bottom line .. research the team and coach....

 

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My DD has twice had girls leave her travel teams just before the season to go play with another team. Once at 12U and this year at 14U. She wants nothing to do with either kid and questions their character and integrity. The girl who left the 14U team was her buddy during the fall and winter and now avoids her at tournaments.

 

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We all have to say that there can be extremes to any situation such as senior 2007. Senior 2007 you should be upfront with your coach and let them know what is going on. (You don't have to go into depth) You do not want to have that "fleeing" reputation.

No matter what--girls are going to leave teams all the time and extreme situations arise all the time. Remember--coaches should be looking out for the best interest of the player. The player will learn if they made a mistake or not. That is all part of growing up.

 

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I believe as a parent you have to look out for your daughter. ?We all pay money for our daughters to experience a higher level of play. ?If your daughter isn't good enough to play 3 out of 5 games then why did the coach keep her? ?My dd is a very good player and she is team oriented actually doesn't want to leave her team. ?But everytime she has to sit because the coach is kissing up to certain parents, I can see her spirit drop. ?She is only 13 if her spirit drops now I'm afraid she won't get it back. ?It's easy to fix the physical part of the game but hard to fix the mental. ?

I see the same thing with my DD. Try to explain to an 11 year old that the fundamentals are great but the size is too small. Poor excuse!!! Confidence level has dropped tremendously and has even started to affect the batting.
most of these posts are talking about pitchers. this one isn't that case.

 

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just reading some of the latest post on this subject and I believe there are allot of valid points. It is great that there are so many options out there for select softball but.... It makes it hard for players, coaches and parents to choose the best fit for them. There are allot of ingredients that go in to a good match like personality and core beliefs. Until they write a standardization book (that is not going to happen) on how to run an organization, then players, parents and coaches will be mismatched year in and year out. That is why I think this site is soo great. Everyone has a medium to check out coaches and organizations before they commit. But with the competition to get good players, there is no way for coaches to check out all players and parents when trying to fill a roster.

I can say that my dd switched teams for the first time this season due to a major personality conflict with her coach and it has been great. She is working her way in to the line up on the new team but most of all the game is fun to her again. In my opinion that is what it is all about.

 

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softballsuporter while I agree with you in general about a forum like this being a good place for the average parent or fan to get information I would caution many who read these posts to keep an open mind. In many cases when you read a negative post on these sites about a coach or an organization it is generally started by someone who is disgruntled. They have a beef, legitimate or not and they vent it here as if it is some kind of magic elixir. Or you get the opposite, a post that is so mushy it is obviously written by the coaches wife or significant other, or perhaps thier Mom.

For the most part people who are satified do not run around posting it all over the place. Some do, but my point is, they are happy with te situation and they really do not feel the need to express that to the world. On the other hand, an offended party (weather it is legit or not) absolutly feels the need to let everyone in on thier drama. It is like a form of therapy I guess. Perhaps they feel that of everyone else knows that they were somehow wronged then they will suddenly feel better. Of course like Paul Harvey always says, there is of course "the rest of the story". I see more threads on here then ever in that context. I guess thats just the world we live in now. Thats why I caution everyone who reads the posts that start off with (has this ever happened to you) or (DD not treated fairly) to take them with a grain of salt. They are often nothing more then a theraputic rant at best, or an oppertunity to take a shot at a coach or coaching staff that is taking time to volunteer and help teach all of these kids this great game of softball. I never met a coach who voluntered to coach a team just so they could inflict large amounts of pain and suffering to a player or family member.

Its just that sometimes reality is a very hard pill to swallow.

 

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There are limits to every situation! Currently my younger dd is in a bad situation. Coaches made it clear playing time was not guarunteed at the very begining, but that all positions would be open for compitition. Well its hard to compete for a spot if your never givin an oppertunity to compete for it! My dd has sat 70% of the time and when she does play, she plays outfield, a position she has had limited experience at. Now that the season is almost over and girls have been playing set positions every game, it would be impossible to win a spot getting two innings every other game! > Just the way they wanted it! The "STARTERS" on this team get more at bats in a weekend then my dd has gotten all season! [highlight]While positions are open for compitition, that doesnt mean there will be a fair ?[/highlight][highlight]platform for it! ![/highlight] You live and learn. Yes you make a committment to a team, but they make a committment to you as well! No committment is stronger than the one I have to my DD!

 

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"My dd has sat 70% of the time and when she does play, she plays outfield, a position she has had limited experience at."

Don't all 9 or 10 year old players have limited experience at any position????

 

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eda,
I hear what you are saying and it has validity for sure. In my work I tell my guys that one OOHHH Crap erases 10 ata boys (pat on the backs). Negatives drive people more than positives for sure. I think most people would take the negatives with a grain of salt.. Or I hope they do


JSad,

I feel your pain... You have some talented kids for sure. Like myself this season, it goes to show that you can not do enough research to prevent bad situations from arrising. Once you hand your daughter over to an organization (and money) it seems like players and parents are at their mercy. Only way to control your situation is to be a part of the organization. Like anything else in life, if we want it done right I guess we have to do it ourself.

my best to you all!

 

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softballsuporter it appears that you are making some assumptions in your quote here:

"JSad,

I feel your pain... You have some talented kids for sure. Like myself this season, it goes to show that you can not do enough research to prevent bad situations from arrising. Once you hand your daughter over to an organization (and money) it seems like players and parents are at their mercy. Only way to control your situation is to be a part of the organization. Like anything else in life, if we want it done right I guess we have to do it ourself. "


Have you ever considered that perhaps you do not know everything about the particular situation? Your quote makes it sound as if the player and family in question was lied to or taken advantage of. Perhaps there is no ill intent there at all. I am not familiar with the situation in question but I do know enough to know that there is always two sides to every story. This is exactly what I was referring to in my post above. This site is becoming nothing more then a place to vent frustration and blame someone else. These are just kids and when they are allowed to believe that every time something does not go just the way that mommy and daddy expect it to then it must be someone elses fault. Perhaps we should all just try to encourage our kids to work hard, be part of a team, and help make the team better. I have seen way too many decent players develop into kids that look for excuses because they are shown that path by their parents. Support is what they need, not parents who allow thier DD to believe that it is always someone elses fault, or that they are out to get them and thier money. This attitude will insure failure and never promote success. That is a gaurantee.

 

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The main thing to look for is if there is alot of turn over every year or for that matter during the season that should be a red flag as to the organization you are looking at. And the organization also has to look at the players and parents too.
It is a 2 way street. Not only do the coaches put alot of time and effort into the team, but also the parents put alot of time and money (with outside lessons also on top of team fees and fundraisers) into the organization also.

 

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Have you ever considered that perhaps you do not know everything about the particular situation? Your quote makes it sound as if the player and family in question was lied to or taken advantage of. Perhaps there is no ill intent there at all. I am not familiar with the situation in question but I do know enough to know that there is always two sides to every story. This is exactly what I was referring to in my post above. This site is becoming nothing more then a place to vent frustration and blame someone else. These are just kids and when they are allowed to believe that every time something does not go just the way that mommy and daddy expect it to then it must be someone elses fault. Perhaps we should all just try to encourage our kids to work hard, be part of a team, and help make the team better. I have seen way too many decent players develop into kids that look for excuses because they are shown that path by their parents. Support is what they need, not parents who allow thier DD to believe that it is always someone elses fault, or that they are out to get them and thier money. This attitude will insure failure and never promote success. That is a gaurantee. ? ?

Spoken like someone who's dd plays every inning of every game.

 

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Have you ever considered that perhaps you do not know everything about the particular situation? Your quote makes it sound as if the player and family in question was lied to or taken advantage of. Perhaps there is no ill intent there at all. I am not familiar with the situation in question but I do know enough to know that there is always two sides to every story. This is exactly what I was referring to in my post above. This site is becoming nothing more then a place to vent frustration and blame someone else. These are just kids and when they are allowed to believe that every time something does not go just the way that mommy and daddy expect it to then it must be someone elses fault. Perhaps we should all just try to encourage our kids to work hard, be part of a team, and help make the team better. I have seen way too many decent players develop into kids that look for excuses because they are shown that path by their parents. Support is what they need, not parents who allow thier DD to believe that it is always someone elses fault, or that they are out to get them and thier money. This attitude will insure failure and never promote success. That is a gaurantee. ? ? [/quote]


I happen to be familiar with Jsads dds and They are good athletes. We can spin it anyway we want but it is hard to set the bench for any team. Any response to a disagreable situation is going to be labled as an excuse by the offended party.

The point is loyalty is a figment of the imagination in all sports from the bottom to the top. And on any side of a debate or argument the "loyalties" to a particular stance on issue are due to both parties selfish motives. So based on Eda's logic, can I assume that Eda is making excusses for a particular coach for biased reasons?

The bottom line is you can not satisfy everyone in every situation and when there is a split a player looses money and the organization looses continuity. By no means can you say a parent or player is going to be less of a person for leaving a situation. The best people I know, tell you exactley what they think, stand up for what they believe in and deal with the consequences of their actions. And that is why some leave teams. Science has taught us for every action there is a reaction,.... not an excuse.

With that, there is no reason to harbour ill will against anyone and we will still wish my dd's ex-team all the best.

Sorry about the rant but when I feel someone is on a high horse waiting for a comment to jump all over it fires me up a bit. My best to you too EDA