Leaving a team hanging.....

[coachjwb]

Julie ... slightly different situation than what maddball presented ... in your case, they asked you beforehand and they brought a friend ... I'd have no issue with that either. Would you feel any differently if they didn't ask you before, you watched them the whole practice, they tried out as a real "stud", and then when you offered them a position after they tell you they already committed to another team?

 

[maddball44]

don't take everything so personally[/B]. The girls want what's best for them and the coaches want what's best for the team, it's the nature of the beast.

Thank you coach, and what's best for my daughter is for her to know she can play on that caliber of team next year if she wants to play for a "showcase" team. It will do wonders for her confidence and commitment level this year. She's not a "stud" (14yrs old/ 5'3/ 100 lbs) those are not STUD'ESK numbers. I'm not toting, no ulterior motives. Purely testing the waters, possibly, for next year. Planning ahead. To do otherwise would be foolish on my part. We've only been in tb 1 full year.

 

[SpinnerPitch]

Being a newly former coach and a talented pitcher for a DD, a lot of organizations know my DD and myself. During this tryout time, she had many offers without even trying out. We also went to quite a few tryouts, both private and team. I gave her a deadline to make her decision and I informed all the coaches of this. She then made her decision and I followed by calling all of the coaches involved and informed them of her decision. It was a tough choice for sure but there was no way we would leave a team hanging.

 

[ApogeeDemon]

Being a newly former coach and a talented pitcher for a DD, a lot of organizations know my DD and myself. During this tryout time, she had many offers without even trying out. We also went to quite a few tryouts, both private and team. I gave her a deadline to make her decision and I informed all the coaches of this. She then made her decision and I followed by calling all of the coaches involved and informed them of her decision. It was a tough choice for sure but there was no way we would leave a team hanging.

Does she throw 65 mph and can throw 5 pitches? Just curious?

 

[Klump]

Coach....I've had that happen many times. Not a big deal, just put them in the no pile and move on. Not everyone accepts every offer anyway. I have absolutely no problem with it, come one come all.

 

[SpinnerPitch]

Sorry, but we live in the real world over here. DD will be 1st year 16u and throws mid to upper 50s. But she has great spin and location and throws any pitch at any count. And yes, she does have all the pitches you know of. Her control is impeccable. This is what she was blessed with. She might not reach 60 until she is 18yo. It's all about location, location, location!

 

[ApogeeDemon]

Sorry, but we live in the real world over here. DD will be 1st year 16u and throws mid to upper 50s. But she has great spin and location and throws any pitch at any count. And yes, she does have all the pitches you know of. Her control is impeccable. This is what she was blessed with. She might not reach 60 until she is 18yo. It's all about location, location, location!

Movement rules.....good luck to her. She might hit 65 one day, you never know.

 

[FastBat]

Thank you coach, and what's best for my daughter is for her to know she can play on that caliber of team next year if she wants to play for a "showcase" team. It will do wonders for her confidence and commitment level this year. She's not a "stud" (14yrs old/ 5'3/ 100 lbs) those are not STUD'ESK numbers. I'm not toting, no ulterior motives. Purely testing the waters, possibly, for next year. Planning ahead. To do otherwise would be foolish on my part. We've only been in tb 1 full year.

What are "Stud" numbers? Have you ever watched college ball? Girls come in all shapes and sizes. This really is not the first time I've heard people talking size about girls, but this isn't ballet, athleticism and an excellent work ethic trump size on every level in women's sports. Even better and I think trumps all is playing with "Heart", it's one of those intangibles.

The previous posts just don't make sense; maybe I'm not reading them properly. What would "ulterior motives" have to do with anything? Who brought that up? Are you referring to the comment; "more to the story", sometimes, it's too hard to explain every little detail in these posts and I thought that was the point of that comment. We are all just talking softball, just little girls playing ball; right?

I've re-read the entire thread and I'm still confused:
1. I think that's really a good (very least average) size (5'3/100lbs) for playing with 12 or 13 year olds? 14u right?
2. I think the majority of girls (average or even great ability) don't start TB until 12/13U? For example, look at the "Tallmadge All-Stars" just starting TB at 14u, and they are tried and true SB players. Look how large 10U vs. 12U vs. 14U tournaments are.
3. I would be devastated; if my child were "cut", because another family (who had already fully committed to another team) wanted to see if their dd could get an offer: TO REFUSE! The org didn't realize this was going on, they offered, started to build a team with this player. This is in poor taste, it's the reason why little girls get discouraged, has nothing to do with their ability, more to do with adults. Best policy, is honesty, IMHO!
4. Maddball44 dd will be 16u next year? Or 15 years old in 2015, right?

 

[FastBat]

Being a newly former coach and a talented pitcher for a DD, a lot of organizations know my DD and myself. During this tryout time, she had many offers without even trying out. We also went to quite a few tryouts, both private and team. I gave her a deadline to make her decision and I informed all the coaches of this. She then made her decision and I followed by calling all of the coaches involved and informed them of her decision. It was a tough choice for sure but there was no way we would leave a team hanging.

At 14u, I think this is reasonable plan for an athlete and parents, kudos!

 

[ballma]

I strongly believe this goes two ways. As coaches, when these girls try out for your team, you should also not string them along by saying you expect to offer a spot but then don't offer a spot at that time or the next day but then make your offer three or four days after the tryout. That leaves these young ladies with an uneasy feeling that, yeah, you may have liked her tryout, but you are holding out for something better -- not a good thing for a CHILD'S self esteem. These girls have the toughest decision of their season during this time, and they are "kids" no matter what we, as parents/coaches, like to believe. Assume, as coaches, that if a player comes to your tryouts, they are at the very least "hoping" to get offered a spot. But remember, too, as coaches, they are also going to other team tryouts just in case the one they really are looking at DOESN'T offer a spot. That is only smart! Also assume that a girl who came to your tryout and killed it will get "snatched up" quickly and if offered a spot and feeling like you are holding out for something better -- they will choose elsewhere. It's a two-way street -- js!

 

[rubsomedirtonit]

I strongly believe this goes two ways. As coaches, when these girls try out for your team, you should also not string them along by saying you expect to offer a spot but then don't offer a spot at that time or the next day but then make your offer three or four days after the tryout. That leaves these young ladies with an uneasy feeling that, yeah, you may have liked her tryout, but you are holding out for something better -- not a good thing for a CHILD'S self esteem

Great post. Had this very thing happen to us. I was in contact with a coach of pretty well know org before tryouts about his needs. We had a few conversations about the game and his philosophy and I really liked the guy. I had been warned ahead of time by someone familiar with the situation that one of the assistants' daughter played the same spot we were discussing. Since i knew who they were, we werent really worried from a talent standpoint that it would be a problem. Really all i wanted to know was that my dd would have a legitimate shot to compete for said position if she made the team. She can play multiple spots so we were prepared for doing what was best for the team.
I was assured by the head coach that there was absolutely no daddy ball on his team. Period. His words, not mine. We went to a tryout and my dd killed it. Great showing. The coach talks to us after, looks right at her, and says he had her rated as the top one or two there that day and that he WOULD be offering her a spot, but that he wanted to have his coaches meeting first. Next day i get a text saying there would be a practice and what day was she available, still hadnt had the coaches meeting yet but we were good. The next day, which was the day before the practice, his tone completely changed. He was no longer sure about the formal offer or the practice and I never talked to him again.
I found out from another parent that they did have that practice. Guess who took the lions share of the work a that position, the assistants dd. And we came to find out there were four parent coaches. So how does a kid go from being rated in the top one or two to not getting an offer, rather it was more like having an offer recinded? Daddy balled at tryouts, which i suppose is better than having it happen in season.
Now dont get me wrong, we were going to other tryouts and she landed a spot with a great team that was her first choice anyway so it worked out, but the process is ridiculous. Coaches- just tell the truth. Do you know what its like having to explain that mess to a 13 year old girl? Lets not waste eachother's time and think more about how this process wears on these girls.

 

[say_what]

I would just like to say as a parent of a DD, we have tried out for several teams and been turned down or let down the same. We found a team we plan to stay with and grow with. My pet peeve is people who come to tryout and with no intent to commit and comment they are staying with a winning team. Then why are you here? It is sad in travel your word means nothing. Call me old fashion but no matter what your word should be good as gold unless something foreseen happens and can not fulfil.

 

[Lenski65]

Coaches, here's one way to do it. When you offer a spot to a kid, let the kid and her parents know that the offer is good as long as there's still a spot open on your team. They must know this up front....tell them at the beginning of the tryout and have it in writing. That way you can still try kids out and you are not left hanging by any player. Only give offers to players you believe are talented enough for your team. Let's say you have one outfield spot open on your team. Three kids come to the tryout that are good enough to be part of your team. After tryouts, mail or text the parents of the three kids that they are offered a spot on the team as long as the spot is still available. The first one that accepts gets the spot. If for some reason a player backs out on you, reach back out to the players you offered and state that if they are not yet committed you have an additional opening. Wait a day or two, and if you get a no or they are already committed, try some more kids out and start all over. This way you are doing everything possible for your team while giving tryout attendees an opportunity to accept an offer to play for you providing a position is open.

 

[joboo1drew]

Being tuned down for something is a very valuable lesson. My dd (dollar drainer) has learned and grown from being rejected for various reasons. She takes it very personal and works her backside off to get better. If she was given everything in life she wouldn't work as hard as she does for what she really wants. Her hitting instructors have made it a point to tell her since she was 9 that she needs to keep pushing the envelope and get out of her comfort zone. That is truly the only way you know what you can do. I do not take being told that she is not a fit for the team as a personal offense. If it is something she truly wants she will work harder to achieve. Just my 2 cents. (as that is all I have left after softball expenses) Lol

 

[Westler33]

What if you are committed to a team but the team only has 5 to 7 players and you attend other tryouts in the case that your team folds and you get other offers is that wasting coaches time also?

 

[spike43207]

I've been lied to so many times by coaches at tryouts and at the end of a season that I don't believe anything until it happens. Its my job to help my daughter do whats best for her. The coaches always say they are doing whats best for their team. Well I'm gonna do whats best for my daughter.

 

[bryceman]

I don't understand why a player comes to a tryout on first day of tryouts and is offered a spot on the team and then tells you I've got others tryouts schedule.
Why not go to the team you want in the first place. All this does is cost the player that would have taken the spot. Then the coach loses both players the one accept
another spot on another team and the who wanted the spot accept another team offer. Now the coach ends up with neither player.

 

[Irish196]

I don't understand why a player comes to a tryout on first day of tryouts and is offered a spot on the team and then tells you I've got others tryouts schedule.
Why not go to the team you want in the first place. All this does is cost the player that would have taken the spot. Then the coach loses both players the one accept
another spot on another team and the who wanted the spot accept another team offer. Now the coach ends up with neither player.

If you could schedule the tryouts in the order you want to do them, then your suggestion would make great sense. However, you can not always do that and if you only try out for the team that is your #1 pick and you don't make it then you don't have a team. I can't see how kids can try out for only one team unless they are darn sure they will make it.

We did several tryouts and were very honest from the get go with every team we tried out for and any offer we received. You could tell the integrity of the coach by how they responded. We dealt with some extremely stand-up individuals and one or two not so honest individuals. I suppose that if they have lied to one person they have probably lied to more than that and in the end I can't imagine playing for a coach whose word means nothing. That isn't the example we want for our daughter. In the future I would not hesitate to recommend the teams/coaches that we didn't go with to other players and would have no problem warning kids/parents of the others. I would suppose it goes the same way with parents. I have to believe (or at least I hope) that parents who lie to their teams or fail to honor their commitments start to get a reputation. That's not a great way to help your kid!

 

[mike_dyer]

I have to believe (or at least I hope) that parents who lie to their teams or fail to honor their commitments start to get a reputation. That's not a great way to help your kid!

They certainly do, but it doesn't always matter.

There are kids -- and this has absolutely nothing to do with the character or the integrity of the kids -- who you have no idea if they are showing up to play or not until you see their dad's car pull into the parking lot. And it's not a done deal when they pull up, you have to wait to see which uniform they are wearing when they get out of the car. They may be on your team that weekend and they may not. They might be playing somewhere else all together so you might not see them at all, they might even show up in street clothes for some reason. It's usually a mystery, or maybe it's more of a joke than a mystery. That's it. It's a long drawn out joke that you politely listen to through the punchline but you've lost interest in it and you don't even remember how the begining went. The best thing you can do is wait for it to be over, fake a laugh, walk away, and for christ's sake don't touch it, you might get some on you.

You would think that sort of thing would get around and it would close a few doors for a kid like that -- and when I say "a kid like that" I mean a dad like that -- it doesn't work that way though. I have no idea how or why, it just doesn't.

 

[coachtomv]

They certainly do, but it doesn't always matter.

There are kids -- and this has absolutely nothing to do with the character or the integrity of the kids -- who you have no idea if they are showing up to play or not until you see their dad's car pull into the parking lot. And it's not a done deal when they pull up, you have to wait to see which uniform they are wearing when they get out of the car. They may be on your team that weekend and they may not. They might be playing somewhere else all together so you might not see them at all, they might even show up in street clothes for some reason. It's usually a mystery, or maybe it's more of a joke than a mystery. That's it. It's a long drawn out joke that you politely listen to through the punchline but you've lost interest in it and you don't even remember how the begining went. The best thing you can do is wait for it to be over, fake a laugh, walk away, and for christ's sake don't touch it, you might get some on you.

You would think that sort of thing would get around and it would close a few doors for a kid like that -- and when I say "a kid like that" I mean a dad like that -- it doesn't work that way though. I have no idea how or why, it just doesn't.

I'd have to disagree to a point. It does get around and eventually will effect even the best players. Good players will always find a team, just maybe not an elite team, but try explaining to your college coaches why you could not stick with a team for barely a season, it will matter for all but the very elite probably.

Players jumping from team to team, usually with parents finding away to sabotage a team or their kid and blaming it on coaches and organizations. Once it becomes a pattern of behaviour, it might be you and not everyone else. Its rarely the kid, the parents tend to get in the way of the players success or worse burn them out from the game altogether. Hate to punish the player, but there are many players that teams know and will pass on because of the behaviour of the parents. Heck, even good kids without drama, that have a new team every year can throw red flags up.