Who else???

Discussion in 'General Softball Discussions' started by tourguide12, Mar 6, 2020.

  1. tourguide12

    tourguide12 New Member

    Who else's children have fell victim to the emotional abuse of some of the so called "elite organizations"? What kind of grown man can sleep at night treating young girls like the are disposable and worthless? Getting rid of players when better ones come along? Then its too late to go to other tryouts. No conscience at all from some of the so called men. I'm talking 14-15 year old girls!! Come on people! Get a grip on reality!
     
  2. jpkeating

    jpkeating Member

    What’s the story behind this post? This should be interesting
     
  3. Sorry to say it but this seems like what travel softball is about. Everyone looking for the right fit. Coaches want better players, parents want better coaches, players want more playing time.

    It also seems like alot of mistakes are made and people realize that the last coach, player, parent wasn't as bad as they thought they were.
     
    tschromm3, daboss and Bibb like this.
  4. daboss

    daboss Well-Known Member

    We don't have a lot to go on with the topic so I guess we can make it out to be most anything we want. I choose to make it out about disgruntled parents that are angry if they feel male coaches don't choose their daughter to play on their team. I choose to make my response on the topic to be about more than a game......

    One of the biggest faults we have in society today is the fact that we have not prepared our kids for failure. Failure can come in many forms and is inevitable. People make mistakes. People lose. People don't try to do their best. People judge. People disagree. People are quick to blame. People are quick to make up excuses. People feel entitled. We have allowed people to believe it's socially acceptable to ignore their failure rather than "own-up" to having failed. I always say "It's not a sin to fail or be wrong. The sin is not admitting it." We are not doing our younger generation any favors by not being honest with them.

    Sports goes beyond the win/loss record. This is something coaches AND parents need to understand. Our youth are learning social skills/people skills, and tactful ways to interact in society. As coaches, we are molding skills the new generation will use for the rest of their lives. The roll of a mentor needs to be taken seriously. Most of the people that will read an article like this are very aware of it. The sad part is, the ones that really need to understand and change won't be reading this or any article. That's why in today's society we need to hone our people radar and be able to decipher good intentions from selfish or bad ones. We can't do this when we continue to look at the world thru clouded or selfish eyes. People, we need to be more objective!

    Many areas of society chooses to judge by win/loss records because it's easier. It's black and white. It's an effortless satisfaction because like any form of simple math there's no variable. 2+2=4. Great coaches know how to win and still teach youth how to accept reality. The reality of life is we don't always win and we don't always get what we want. We have kids committing suicide because they'd rather die than face their parents or society if they don't measure up to the expectations of others. The human element is why sports in general is so becoming. In today's world we can build and program machines to do it for us but why would we? Why should we?

    People are fired from their jobs. Wouldn't the prudent thing be evaluate why I got fired so I don't make that mistake again? Batters strike out. Wouldn't the prudent thing be to figure out why and become a more astute batter? Pitchers walk or hit batters regularly. Perhaps they need to work on their accuracy rather than continue to throw 60 mph out of control. Parents choose an elite organization to join and are unhappy with the experience. Perhaps they need to look within themselves and make better choices.

    You can't control what's not in your control but you can control your own choices.
     
  5. tourguide12

    tourguide12 New Member

    You couldn't be more wrong about this situation. The kid wasn't even given a chance to "fail". Do you think your employer is out recruiting people for your position because they "might" be better?? No they are not. If you are a good employee who does their job and does it well, works hard, has a good attitude, is reliable and on time, you're not going to get fired! But we think this is appropriate to do to a child on a softball team? Im sorry, but I don't see the life lesson in this situation. I see a bunch of arrogant grown men controlling this world called travel ball who care more about their own ego than the young girls they are supposed to be coaching.
     
  6. SonicMojo

    SonicMojo Active Member

    This isn't Lake Wobegon. Half the coaches are below average. And that doesn't mean that the ones who are above average are actually good. It's hard to get a good coach. You can do all the homework you want, but there are still a lot of stars that have to line up. If you get in a bad situation, then get out. Don't wait. Don't whine. Just learn from it and move on.
     
    coachtomv, Doom Leader and IRdad09 like this.
  7. Stedman00

    Stedman00 Active Member


    Don't be too upset with Daboss or any others that make assumptions based on almost zero shared information. If you want to share and outline what happened, i'm sure all would like to read and comment
     
    Blazer likes this.
  8. HITTER23

    HITTER23 Super Moderator Staff Member

    Annnnnnd yet another thread that comes to life every off season. This site is like "groundhog day"
     
    wilsey73 likes this.
  9. tourguide12

    tourguide12 New Member

    There's not much else that can be said without getting shut down. dd is asked to play for a team, dd left previous team to play for this team so she can get more exposure. Previous team eventually folded anyways. Some time goes by and apparently there is some deal making with some players from another team. My dd is out, no room for her now.

    But I can see everyone is just making this out to be a disgruntled parent complaining because their kid wasn't good enough. I'm just trying to make others aware of what goes on and do your homework before joining these so called elite organizations.
     
  10. M & R Davis

    M & R Davis Member

    I am sorry things didn’t work out for your daughter. With out knowing you at all I think most of us would say like most things in life there is another side of the story we don’t and really can’t know.

    what I will say is there has been no shortage of teams in every age range looking for players so shouldn’t be too tough to find a new home for her. Maybe she uses this for motivation to work a little harder? Being upset really isn’t gonna change anything but I understand venting sometimes makes us feel better to allow us to move forward.

    Wishing your daughter the best of luck and sure she will find the right fit for her.
     
    Doom Leader and IRdad09 like this.
  11. Dwheeler83

    Dwheeler83 Member

    Let’s not forget this is a business. There are a lot of people making money off of travel ball! When people spend a lot of money they expect results. Anyone that has been in the game long enough knows this is what happens with elite teams, and does not even have to be elite!

    Have you ever been a coach? Have you ever gotten the phone calls from disgruntled parents? Obviously this coach didn’t see the same things he saw in tryouts from your daughter at practice or games? This is why there are 200 teams in every division and most with less than stellar performances. The game is watered down because every mad parent starts a team instead of making there kid work harder and make the team next season.
     
  12. In this post, it seems like you are saying you were on both sides of this issue. You came to the team through recruiting. You were removed from the team to make room for another recruited player. Seems like it is their SOP for filling the team with players they want. It's not fun but like others are saying, it is a business.

    I don't think you are a disgruntled parent, I think you are a casualty of the system. There are alot of casualties in this system. I wish it wasn't this way but it seems like it is here to stay for the foreseeable future.
     
  13. Captain_Thunder

    Captain_Thunder Super Moderator Staff Member

    Maybe if you had kept your same ID and not got a new one this week - we could have done a little more investigating ourselves.
    But you started a new ID to post this - and stay vague.

    Sad part is everyone is always looking for something better - if you are on the Top end of the roster - you want to move up to something better - if you are at the Bottom end - you are looking for Greener pastures. If you jump and are near the bottom, you just may be searching sooner than expected.... Good Luck!
     
    Bink44 likes this.
  14. daboss

    daboss Well-Known Member

    Your original post gave us little to no information. My first response made mention of this. I chose a topic to express my thoughts. You were unhappy with it. Okay. This post finally gave us guidance as to why you are so upset. Three words come to mind while reading your quoted response, loyalty, greed, and selfishness.

    I'm not going to defend coaches that display zero loyalty to a player if their sole reason for dropping a player was driven by greed to win or selfishness to benefit their own ego. Those people are out there in the world. They're normally oblivious to the feelings of others.


    QUOTE: "You couldn't be more wrong about this situation. The kid wasn't even given a chance to "fail". Do you think your employer is out recruiting people for your position because they "might" be better?? No they are not. If you are a good employee who does their job and does it well, works hard, has a good attitude, is reliable and on time, you're not going to get fired! But we think this is appropriate to do to a child on a softball team? Im sorry, but I don't see the life lesson in this situation. I see a bunch of arrogant grown men controlling this world called travel ball who care more about their own ego than the young girls they are supposed to be coaching." Quote

    It is naive of you to believe employers don't look for the best employee they can find if they believe it improves their chance to be more successful or profitable. Isn't that a motivating factor in business in general? Everyone can be replaced. Example; if you are a rookie salesperson with little experience and a person with a proven background in your position suddenly becomes available, you may never get a chance to show your worth to an employer. It doesn't matter what your attendance record would be or if you're mopping the floors in-between sales. They might throw you a bone and let you stay on to mop floors but until you have a credible résumé there's a good chance you are expendable. If you had a contract to protect your interest you may be able to plead your case and stay. You may not feel welcome but you can always stay active and contribute by mopping the floors.

    I mentioned the need to have a well-honed people radar. Figuring out who has your best interest at heart can give you a sense of security. Development of this skill will help you keep your sanity. You wanted more. You left a coach and team to get more for yourself. It was your decision. You did not benefit from the choice you made. So I wonder about the team left behind. Are they looking for an opportunity because you left them floundering? Were you a motivating factor in the team folding? You know where I'm going by asking.

    There's always at least 2 sides to every story. The initial appearance is you didn't cross your "T"s and dot your "I"s or you'd have a case to argue that you should still be on the team. Odds are you would be unhappy but still on the team for a season.
     
  15. tourguide12

    tourguide12 New Member

    I really don’t care about my own feelings here. The whole point of my post was to point out the way coaches, who are fathers themself, treat these young ladies. They don’t care what type of emotional scar they may leave. Not to mention how will this look to the colleges who were recruiting my dd?? How would they feel if it was their kid? How do they justify it in their own heads? Why do we continue to allow this to happen?
     
    Dave Coffee likes this.
  16. hammerhead20

    hammerhead20 Member

    Every situation is different. Some kids get the raw end of the deal from coaches who can't and shouldn't be coaching. Others don't put any work in, skip practices regularly, have poor attitudes, have parents who are extremely difficult, etc. The latter always seems shocked when they are let go. I've seen it, had it done and been on both ends of it. Unfortunately it is what it is. The competitive softball world is small and things tend to come full circle. As hard as it can be, don't hold a grudge and move on. You will likely find a better fit for your daughter.
     
  17. denise_anngolf

    denise_anngolf New Member

    This is the first I have heard of a coach removing a player from a team mid-season for no good reason, but perhaps there are more situations like yours out there. I'm sorry it happened to your DD. Some parents move their daughter from team to team mid-season, so why should it be any different for coaches? We had a parent pull his daughter from our team in the fall to go to another elite team and they already left that team. Maybe this will be a new trend for players to team hop every couple of months and coaches to kick players off their team in order to pick up another player whenever they see fit. I hope that isn't the case. A lot of the mess in travel ball now days lies on coaches and a lot of the mess lies on players and parents . It definitely isn't one sided.

    All I know is if I had taken all of the posts on this forum to heart regarding my DD's coaches, she never would've joined the team and I can't imagine that. None of her coaches are perfect, but they are better than a lot of others. She needs coaches that will stand up for her, make her accountable, and give her motivation to work harder to reach her goals. I'm sorry that your DD has had a bad experience with this coach. Between the "popcorn post" and this post, I just don't want people to lump all of the "elite organizations" into the same category, because they aren't.

    Coaches need to be the type of coach that makes their players and parents NOT want to leave their team. Players and parents need to be team players and give coach's a reason to KEEP them on their team. Thank you to the coaches, organization leaders, and softball instructors that do make a positive impact in the softball community! There are plenty of teams out there looking for players. Hopefully the next one will be the perfect fit for your DD.
     
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2020
    RedsDad, daboss and Passion4theGame like this.
  18. Run26

    Run26 Active Member

    I miss the Rob Wear’s of the world where you have a non-parent coaching girls to be elite and be stand up young ladies. He was a crazy SOB at times but man he’d battle for his girls. We need more of these types of role models because he also kept helicopter parents in check.
     
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  19. 24GahannaLadyLions7

    24GahannaLadyLions7 Active Member

    Smh...

    1. at that age, elite organizations are going to find elite athletes and keep bringing them in to "put to the test" what they currently have, they carry 13,14,15 players, be ready to compete, elite organizations/colleges are always going to TRY to recruit better than what they have.
    2. loyalty exists only if your child has a positive, upbeat attitude, is coachable, has room to grow, doesn't keep making the same mistakes (or a pitcher that throws 65)
    3. if truly elite, you will not have a problem finding other tryouts or teams after the tryout dates...
    4. "14-15 year old girls!!" 3 years away from being an adult... lets quit holding their hand when they fail, I have two dd in this age range---I have gone to an out-of-town tournament on an elite squad and had their positional player get 3 at-bats in 7 games, I have been a part of an elite team and daughter was riding the pine a lot... make it through the season, work hard and if you would like to make a change as a family then do it.... OR instead of bad mouthing the coach behind his/her back, go out there and get to work
    5. Team fees are for "membership on the team", team fees doesn't mean automatic playing time.
    6. Many of these elite organizations ask for big lump sum payments in different parts of the year, so they can make changes to the roster if it's not working out, for your benefit. $1000 for Fall and here comes your $1000 January payment and it's not working out, you can be asked to leave, it happens, but at least you are not out and additional $2k, and if coming from one of these elite teams, you will definitely find a landing spot
     
  20. daboss

    daboss Well-Known Member

    Look, rejection does not cause an emotional scar. Other factors you are not considering can groom a young lady to be scarred. People deal with rejection all the time. You are dealing with it right now. Many have responded to your thread and your posts in the thread and although all have been sympathetic, you're unhappy. You will get over it. You have learned from it. You probably will do things differently in the future. You and your daughter can use this as a teaching/learning moment or you can continue thru life bitter with a chip on your shoulder.

    Recruiters will not be effected by a change of team for summer play unless you make it out to be an issue. If you are approached by a coach or recruiter and they ask, simply be honest. Making it out to be something it's not will only show them you cannot be somebody they want to invest their time and energy with. They are not going to set themselves up to finger-pointing if anything doesn't go your way in the future. If your daughter is a true commodity they will find you regardless of the travel team you are on. Ultimately it will be the work you put into the quest that will get you what you want and not the organization or the volunteer coaching staff you believe will do it all for you. Perhaps this misconception is what is upsetting you the most. The screening process by an organization does have some merit. The actual leg work will always be you and your daughter's responsibility. Perhaps you didn't know this but now you do.

    Good luck.
     

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