Daddy Ball?

[TheSoftballZone]

I've been seeing/reading what I believe to be an increase in "Daddy Ball" comments.

Is it really the problem that people seem to be expressing. I mean, yes it exist and we all have seen it. But, I have seen far more excellent coaches who also happen to be the father of a player on the team. It seems to me that most Father/Coaches are by far harder on their own daughter or son than any other player on the team........not the other way around.

Am I just way out in left field?

 

[Chad Strahler]

I've been seeing/reading what I believe to be an increase in "Daddy Ball" comments.

Is it really the problem that people seem to be expressing. I mean, yes it exist and we all have seen it. But, I have seen far more excellent coaches who also happen to be the father of a player on the team. It seems to me that most Father/Coaches are by far harder on their own daughter or son than any other player on the team........not the other way around.

Am I just way out in left field?

No, I get tired of seeing posts about it. I've been a father and a coach at the same time for years as well as the other guy that coaches with me. Our daughters sit more than any other kid, namely because we have specific position players and our dd are pitchers. So when they aren't pitching we don't try to play them where other girls play just to get them time on the field. Best 9 in the correct positions...regardless of dd or not. We don't coach that way or even close.

 

[bigdaddyo1972]

My daughter plays on a daddyball team but without the daddyball stigma. Her head coach has a daughter on the team along with the assistant coach who also has a daughter on the team. The thing that I appreciate about her head coach is that he plays the best for that position at least the best at that position on that day. Just yesterday he pulled my daughter off of the mound not because she wasn't preforming well it's just because the other team was hitting her pitches and he wanted to change it up, of course explaining that to a 13 y/o can be difficult. Yesterday also his daughter wanted to play 1st. 3 times she drops the ball when there was a play at 1st. she sat on the bench for the next inning.

 

[cobb_of_fury]

The only question I have is - If "Daddy's" or "Mommy's" don't coach Who will?

 

[coachjwb]

In youth sports, most of the times parents pretty much have to be the coaches. I define "daddy" ball as a derogatory term for when a parent coach gives preferential treatment to their child ... i.e., their child plays more often, bats higher in the order, or plays a position than they would otherwise merit based on their abilities. My opinion is that in travel softball this occurs about on about half of the teams that have parent coaches. With that being said, on probably half of the teams where it does occur, it's not that grievous that it really hurts the team or significantly affects the other players. Then there a few parent-coached teams where the parent actually treats his or her child worse than the other players, in some cases perhaps because they don't want to be accused of being a daddy-ball coach or put their child in a position where they are being accused of getting preferential treatment. Unfortunately, coaches' kids are sometimes under the microscope and parents of other players sometimes use this as an excuse as to why their child isn't playing as much ... similar to teams where there's not a parent coach and they complain about "politics".

Of course, there's pretty much no parent coach who thinks they're actually doing daddy-ball. Most are just like the non-coaching parents who think their kids are better than they really are. There are also a few who think that their kids should get preferential treatment because they are putting in all the time to coach. My ex and I had more than one fight about that while we were married (and a few other fights about her statistics which I won't elaborate on here!). I've also heard of players who told their parents that they would quit if their parent didn't play them where they wanted. But I will say that I also have seen some pretty horrendous situations where the parent coach just had no perspective about their child or just didn't care. I think that's the exception vs. the rule, but it definitely does happen and when you're seeking out a new team for your DD, that is definitely something to research. But for the most part, I think parent coaches do a pretty good job and the term "daddy ball" should not be used.

I actually don't think it's increasing in travel softball ... and I will give TSZ/OFC some of the credit for raising visibility around it, and helping keeping it in check. And of course most of us non-parent coaches started out as parent coaches anyhow!

 

[cobb_of_fury]

As always coach - Well said

The Dunning Kruger effect gets us all - The Less you know about a subject the more you think you know and the more you know the more you know you don't know.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning–Kruger_effect

It is up to the parents to do their due diligence when searching out a team. Pay attention ask questions and when you have a good coach Thank them offten because it is a fairly thankless job.

 

[Chad Strahler]

As always coach - Well said

The Dunning Kruger effect gets us all - The Less you know about a subject the more you think you know and the more you know the more you know you don't know.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning–Kruger_effect

It is up to the parents to do their due diligence when searching out a team. Pay attention ask questions and when you have a good coach Thank them offten because it is a fairly thankless job.

Perfect. Couldn't agree more

 

[FastBat]

It's never easy being the parent coach, especially the Head Coach.

I will say an easy way to solve this:

1. sit every player equally on Friday/Saturday, 10 kids, 10 innings played, all should have sat 1 inning. That's not terribly hard, takes planning. (Shows coach is fair.)
2. Just having other kids play certain positions, very well or not so well, could help parents realize the improvement their kid needs. If a coach keeps putting their dd at SS, but the kid isn't the best, but the best the team has, then it's simple, coaches kid should be there and then it's not daddy ball!

 

[wow]

This is a overdone topic. Very EZ to spot daddy ball. If the coach puts his kid in a position, which she is clearly not the best at, at the expense of the team.... Its daddy ball. I still think travel ball is the best kids at the best positions when it matters ( Sunday ). Their are some who say that a coach who is harder on their own kid, is a also guilty of daddy ball, and they may be right. However I would rather have a head coach tougher on their own kid then make excuses for poor performance. The best coaches can accept critical feedback about their kid without getting emotional. The head coach who puts the team above their own kid, is the one I want my kid play for. Plus isn't that the head coaches job- to develop the team as a whole?

However doing your homework as a parent is critical.

 

[Westler33]

This is a overdone topic. Very EZ to spot daddy ball. If the coach puts his kid in a position, which she is clearly not the best at, at the expense of the team.... Its daddy ball. I still think travel ball is the best kids at the best positions when it matters ( Sunday ). Their are some who say that a coach who is harder on their own kid, is a also guilty of daddy ball, and they may be right. However I would rather have a head coach tougher on their own kid then make excuses for poor performance. The best coaches can accept critical feedback about their kid without getting emotional. The head coach who puts the team above their own kid, is the one I want my kid play for. Plus isn't that the head coaches job- to develop the team as a whole?

However doing your homework as a parent is critical.

well said WOW.

 

[Scooter7]

The best compliment that I ever got came from a parent a couple of years ago.

Being new to the team that year, she said that she knew I had a daughter on the team, but it took her several weeks of practice to figure out which one was mine. Not sure if her daughter (player) had known either.

While I previously had probably been a little tougher on my daughter than most of the kids, I knew that wasn't fair to her either, and didn't want to turn her off to the sport. It might take a few years of "development" on the part of Dad/Mom (Coach) to strike that balance where you're neither showing favoritism nor unrealistic expectations of them, but it can and should be done as best as you are capable.

For any parent that decides to pursue coaching and the responsibilities that go along with it, commit yourselves to every kid on the team equally without prejudice. You're only real reward or compensation in the end will be the satisfaction that you've given all your dedication to each and every player. Good travel teams have to be "deep" with talent like no other. You're not going to go very far as a coach, a team, a parent, by artificially protecting your own kids from the realities of competitive sports.

 

[Converse Kid]

I have seen the good and the bad. Daddy ball seems more widespread in the high school circuits. Between coaches, friends of coaches, teachers and even the principles kids, the playing time is more geared towards favortism. Travel Ball seems opposite to me. The main issue is it boils down to not only a persons character, but also the integrity of the team. A good Coach when faced with single elimination, always plays the top ten positional players, not based on team ties but athletic skills. I have also seen Parent Ball, teams run by a rich kid's parent whose every wish is granted by the coaching staff. With Daddy or Parent Ball, I guess it is true that Winning isn't everything.

 

[Coach E.]

I coached my youngest in travel ball and a few years in HS. With my first travel team I had the same 10 girls stay with the team from 12u -18u. My daughter was a pitcher and the other pitcher on the team was with us for 5 years. I always used them in a combination just about every game. We were pretty successful and after our last season together her mother wrote me a very nice email thanking me for not showing favoritism through the years. Now we did butt heads at times but as a coach if you realize that you have to develop everyone on your team to be successful then there can be no favoritism. If I did the daddy ball thing I don't think I would have had the team stay together for that long. I guess my point is parent coaches can coach treating their daughters like everyone else on the team and not all of them should be lumped in together. Now that I am a non parent coach I will say there is a lot less stress when it comes to making playing time decisions. Like some others have stated there are times when your daughter suffers from you trying to make sure there is no appearance of favoritism.

 

[CARDS]

Like most that have been regulars on the OFC the past 10-15 years this topic comes up a couple times a season.
As I have stated in the past. Daddy ball does exist but; the amount or percentage of parent coaches that fail to utilize the talent or quit mid season is no more than what you will find with non parent coaching in most areas it is less.

Not to say that non parent coaching is bad because it is not. There are a lot of non parent coaches I have known over the past 15 years around the country that are top notch coaches that are dedicated to their team and organization.

This said, looking back at the events we have played throughout the Midwest, and southern USA the past 12 years parent coached teams out numbered non parent coaching by a wide margin.

I have seen a lot of the bigger Ohio/Ind/Ky organizations including the one I have been involved in struggle with non parent coaching.
It does not matter if it is a 20+ year old college player or a 40+year old that has been around the game for decades, I have seen both jump ship mid season leaving a team hanging or coach one and done switching organizations just about every season because of what many feel are daddy ball issues.

This does happen with parent coaches as well but; the sting is a little more when someone that is compensated for their time with the team.
My advice is like many has stated...Do your homework... If it is a parent coached or non parent coached team that has been around for more than three years with the same team there is a pretty good chance they are doing thing they need to do. If it is a first year coach outside of 10U non parent or parent the same daddy ball issues can apply so be aware.

Know where you want to go. Do not dream about it plan for it. Set goals and Make It Happen!